Milo sat in the middle of the street across from Kat, watching her stare off into nothingness. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she had her head resting on the soft denim fabric that covered her legs. They sat in the middle of the street quite often. No cars ever drove by and when they did, they went so slow that it gave Milo and Kat plenty of time to shift their positions to the curb. Nevertheless Kat sometimes found herself daring the cars to come faster, to not pay attention, and to take her away to some unknown place.
"Have you told Jenn?" Milo asked, referring to the whole situation with Taylor. She'd known for a long time that Taylor and Kat were once great friends but she promised to keep the truth from Jenn. She didn't understand why, but Kat just didn't want her to know.
"I don't really plan on it."
"Oh, come on Kattie," It was the closest name to Katie that anybody had ever called her and coming from anybody else it would have resulted in a bloody nose and some loose teeth. "It's not like you're going to be able to hide it anymore." She shook her head. "I can't believe he didn't recognize you."
"Do I really look that different?"
"Well..." Milo looked her over. "You're still hella tall. Your hair isn't quite as light and you spend an hour every morning ironing the curls out of it. You still have a bad attitude about life which makes you smile about 3 times a year." She shook her head. "I don't really think you've changed that much, but then again I see you everyday. If I hadn't seen you for 4 years, I probably wouldn't recognize you either."
Kat nodded. "But you would have remembered me, right?" As much as she didn't like to show it, Kat harbored an extreme lack of self esteem. As much as she wanted to disappear and hide from the world, her biggest fear was to be alone forever. Sometimes she confused even herself.
"I don't know how he could have forgotten you. But," She thought for a moment, "He didn't really forget you. He came to you, right?"
"Yeah."
Milo smiled. "So did you guys ever..."
Kat laughed. "Hell no, Mi. We were barely 13 when he left."
"So?"
Kat laughed at her friend. Sex definitely wasn't a big deal to Milo but for somebody like Kat, who had never even kissed a boy, it was terrifying. "We were just friends."
"So? Friends experiment all the time."
"Well, not us."
"So you never even kissed?"
"No." Kat tried to hide the fact that she was blushing. Milo had no idea the kind of innocence that came along with Kat's bitter, harsh, personality. Nobody did. Taylor did, but that was a long time ago.
"Speak of the butthead." Milo pointed behind Kat and Kat's head shot up. There, a block away, was Taylor, getting out of his car and holding his youngest sister's hand as he lead her to their house.
"So what?"
"So..." She sighed and then smiled. "He's looking at you."
Kat didn't bother to look. "Should I wave or something?" It was a real question. She had no idea what to do.
"I would. He's hot, Kat. You never told me how hot he is."
Kat turned around and looked at Taylor who had stopped on the sidewalk with Zoe. Zoe was pulling on his arm, but he wasn't moving. Finally, Kat lifted her right arm, which appeared to way 3000 pounds, and waved to him. She could tell from a block away that Taylor smiled from ear to ear, and waved back. Then, he went inside.
Kat suddenly looked at Milo, aware of what she'd just said. "What do you mean I never told you how hot he is? When we weer little, he was goofy looking and when he left town he was commonly mistaken for a girl. And... it's not like you haven't seen him before."
Milo shook her head. "Nope. I mean, I've heard of them and I've heard them on the radio but we don't get Mtv or any of those channels and frankly, I don't watch much tv anyway."
"You never even saw them on a magazine?"
"I think I have once, but I didn't know who it was."
Kat shook her head. "Blows my mind."
"What blows my mind is the fact that you aren't chasing after his butt right now to jump him in his bedroom. I know I would if I thought he'd accept."
Kat glared at her. "Don't say that."
"Huh?" Milo was surprised.
"I said, don't say that about him. You may think of sex as something you do on weekends to keep your mind off of college but Taylor isn't like that. He's good."
"And you?" Milo was suddenly aware that Kat never takled about sex... she'd never even talked about guys she'd been out with.
"I'm nothing. You know that. I've always been nothing and I'll always be nothing."
"You sell yourself short." Milo sighed.
The front door slammed to the Hanson house and Taylor quickly shouted an apology to whoever was inside. It was springtime and the windows were opened, creating that invisible vaccuum that sucks doors shut with a bang whenever anybody moved an inch.
Taylor let go of his sister's hand and let her run off into the family room while he searched for his mother. He found her standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. "Mom..." He said with a sigh, sitting down at at one of the stools that accompanied the island in the middle of the large, airy, kitchen.
"How was Zoe's dentist appointment?"
"Fine. Everything is good. I have a question."
"Shoot." She smiled to herself, glad that her adult son still came to her for advice.
"Do you know the girl that egged us?" He asked and she turned around, surprised.
"Huh?" Diana almost never said, "huh".
"The girl that egged us. Do you know her?"
"Taylor. You mean Katerina? How could you ask that?"
He sighed. "Mom, I really screwed up. I had forgotted all about Katie. When I took her home that night... I still didn't know who she was. I just found out the other day."
"First of all, don't say screw." She grinned. "Second of all, where's your head lately? You've been so out of it ever since the tour ended. Even in the studio... Your brothers are a little mad at you because of the way the 'in the studio' pics have looked lately. You look like you're a million miles away and not at all concerned with the music."
He sighed. "I know."
"It's nothing you can help, I know. However, I can't believe you forgot Katie. You really didn't know it was her?"
He shook his head.
"Why do you think we paid her bail and didn't press charges?"
"I guess I just thought... we're nice?"
She laughed. "Tay, Honey, we aren't quite that nice." She shook her head slowly and sighed. "I worry about you so much. You and Zachary... Every once in a while your minds are just somewhere else and one of these days I'm afraid you won't come back. The fact that you went 5 years without talking to your best friend... that's just not you."
"She isn't my best friend anymore. I get the feeling she hates me."
"How so?"
"You wouldn't want me to repeat some of the things she said to me."
Diana shook her head. "It's so sad. She was such a nice girl. She was so good."
"She still is."
"Taylor, you can't judge a person just by one meeting. You have no idea if she's really a good person anymore."
He smiled. "And you have no idea if she's really a bad person. You can't judge a person just by one meeting."
Diana smiled back. She was glad that some of her lessons were rubbing off on her children. Taylor always made her proud but sometimes, just sometimes, he worried her. She wasn't sure why Katerina had never come to see him on his days off, but she had a feeling it had to do with Taylor himself. She couldn't bear being away from him. And now, after so long, being thrown back together again, she didn't know how Kat was going to take it. She didn't know how Taylor would take it either.
Taylor gave his mom another quick smile and left the kitchen to go to his room. He grabbed his laptop and sat down on his bed. What he was about to do was a longshot, but he had to do it. Taylor acted on impulse, he always had. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered his old e-mail address, his stupid, childish, 13 year old e-mail address. Somehow he remembered that Kat's was similar to his. Instead of Taybear@hotmail.com it was Katiebear@hotmail.com. He knew the chances of her still having the same e-mail address were slim but he tried it anyway.
He typed furiously, not even aware of what he was saying.
"Katiebear,
Somehow I know that this is the only way to get through to you. I can't apologize more for what I've done and how horribly I've acted. I know that if you have changed in any way for the worse, it is a result of my own foolish behavior. There is nothing I can say to tell you how much I've missed you. I didn't know that before, but I do now. It's all come back to me. It hit my like a speeding train yesterday when you left the park without a word. Everything came back, and I could barely breathe. I miss you. Please forgive me.
Taybear"
He closed his laptop and picked up his phone. Dialing Kat's phone number, which at some point that he wasn't sure of, had came back to him also. Her phone rang seven timse before the answering machine picked up. She was still outside. "Hey, this is Theresa, Patrick, Katerina, and Lars. Leave a message."
Taylor sighed and almost whispered. "Katie, check your e-mail." Then he hung up.
An hour later, after desperately checking his e-mail every five minutes. He finally found the reply he was waiting for.
"Taylor,
I forgot that I still had this e-mail address. I haven't used it in months. The only time I've ever logged into it was to send you an e-mail. I have about 40 of them saved that I never found the courage to send. Don't be sorry... don't be sad for me. Nothing I do can ever be worth that kind of emotion. I forgive you, Taylor.
Kat"
Never Again
Kat, Jenn, Milo, and Lars
My (Piper's) First FanFic Awards