I've never felt a huge sense of family. Of course there's Blake. But my mother and I never really have any of those "mother daughter" moments. And as for the rest of my family, as I've said before, my two oldest sisters, Rebekkah and Julia are grown with families of their own. And Kurt is 21, almost ready to go to graduate school so he can become a doctor.
Until yesterday, I thought that was all I had. I was more wrong about that then I have been about anything. I guess I should slow down. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Yesterday, around 3:00, my life changed forever, again. I recieved a letter that read simply:
Dear Jessica,
I'm hoping you'll come to see me. There's somebody you need to meet. Love, Dad
There was an address on the bottom. Three blocks away. That couldn't be his house, how could he be living three blocks away from me without my knowing? For some reason I went, probably out of curiousity. When I got there, I was surprised at the size of the house. It was located on the "rich" street. A street Blake and I had mocked many times before. It was where all the doctors and lawyers lived. Filled with cliche's, snobs, and white picket fences.
The door wasn't answered by my father though, it was answered by a girl. She looked my age. Short, blonde, curly hair, glasses, blue eyes... Almost a foot taller than me (Not like that's an accomplishment).
"You're Jessica, aren't you?"
I nodded. "I got a letter from my dad. He wanted to see me."
"We didn't think you'd come." She almost whispered, letting me into the house, closing the door behind us.
"We?"
"His room's this way."
She led me down a long corridor. I was surprised his room was on the the first floor. I was even more surprised when I got there. He was sitting in a chair, in what looked like a huge library. But not quite just a library, there was a desk in the corner, and a hospital bed on the left. The room smelled like sickness.
"Hi Jessie." He smiled and motioned for me to come over. I sat down on the hospital bed, a few feet away from where he was seated in his large, velour chair. He looked different than he had months ago. His hair was so much lighter, the red almost completely faded from the blonde. And his eyes were pale grey.
"Did Alissa tell you anything?"
I looked back to see the girl. She wasn't there anymore. "The chick that let me in? No."
"She's your sister."
I stared at him. I don't even think I blinked.
"Half sister, of course."
"Of course." I almost felt like rolling my eyes. We all know it's impossible for me to ever have a real sibling.
"Anyway. Her name is Alissa. I guess it was right after... me and you mom... it was actually before I knew about you. God if I'd have known about you, I never would have gotten married."
"You're married?" I was surprised.
"Was. I got divorced last year when she found out I was sick. Anyway. I moved out here right after your mom told me she couldn't ... you know anymore. I guess it broke my heart. I met Jane and we got married within a week. It was really romantic." He smiled.
I found it so hard to believe that my father was a big softie. But... I guess I really didn't know him. "So why did you write me the letter?"
"I needed you to come here. Cause there's some arrangements that need to be made. I need you to sign a few things."
"Like what?"
"Well, legal stuff. I'm leaving the house to house to Alissa because it's all paid for. But I'm leaving most of the money to you."
My mouth dropped open. I tried not to scream. "What?"
"I don't have anybody else to leave it to besides the two of you. No wife, no neices or nephews. It's just you and Alissa. I hope you understand."
I shook my head. "I didn't know you were dying. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because you weren't doing so well yourself. I didn't want to burden you."
"But yet you still ask me over here so you can lay a couple thousand dollars on me? What's with that?"
My dad laughed quietly to himself. "See, it's a little more than that. I inherited a lot from my dad when I was younger, and my lawyer invested it for me. . .and well. The investment did rather good. Plus, I'm a doctor. Did I tell you that?"
"No." I was almost depressed that I knew nothing about the man and my chances to know him were almost over. I couldn't help but ask the next question. "How much money is it?"
"Well, the house is worth 500,000 with the furnitings and everything. Alissa and I agreed that since she's had me her whole life, she would get the lesser of the two. But then I decided to leave her enough so that she'll have everything she needs in life and more."
"It's more than that?"
He nodded. "Jess, I'm leaving you 7 million dollars. Roughly... rounded down."
I could feel the blood in my fingers go cold. For once in my life I think I could hear every heartbeat, pounding in my ears, my toes, even my hair, I think. "7... uhm... Did you say million? I didn't think any one person had that much money in this state."
He laughed. "I really don't have anybody else to give it too."
"Give it to Alissa! At least you know her!"
I watched him frown. "Yes, I've had the oppourtunity to know one of my daughters. Unfortunately, everytime I called you, your mother told me you were dead or on fire... or something. Then she'd hang up on me. And if I'm not mistaken, the phone does ring both ways."
"I know. But... why would you want to leave me all of your money even though I completely screwed up your life."
For the first time, my father's eyes turned blue again. "You think you screwed up my life?"
I nodded slowly.
"Is that what I did to you?"
I shrugged.
"Well I'm sorry if I did, but I know I wouldn't be anywhere today if it weren't for you. Right after I moved here, I went to college to be a doctor because I knew I'd have to pay child support. Then I met Jane... had Alissa 9 months later. If it weren't for you I don't think I would have made it through life this far."
I was so confused. I didn't even know what he was talking about. How could his affair with my mother have been a good thing?
"That letter you wrote me..."
"Letter?" I had completely forgotten. The letter I wrote to him when I was 6. I couldn't remember what I wrote.
He pointed to the bookshelf. I walked over and picked up an old tattered letter that looked as if it had been read a million times.
Dear Dad,
Today I am moving to Tuna Homa so I have to say bye. My mom told me not to write, but I wanted to. I just wanted to say that even though you're not my real dad, I still love you. I'll miss you. Jessie
"Tuna Homa?" I laughed, tears in my eyes. "I didn't understand the whole dad thing. That's why I wrote that."
"I know. But that letter is why I'm giving you the money. And I hope you can be friends with Alissa. You two might have more in common than you think."
I nodded, wiping the tears from my eyes. I hugged him, not out of guilt, not out of sadness, but out of regret. I regretting not getting to know this man. He hadn't ruined my life. In fact, he made my life, in every way possible.
I signed some papers that day, and smiled at Alissa when she walked me home. But I had no idea it would be the last time I'd ever see my father.
My father died the next day. He was sicker than I knew. He had contracted AIDS while he was working at the hospital. An infected test tube fell and he caught it in his hand. It shattered, cut him, and infected him. He had lied to me, half of that money came from a settlement from the accident. I almost didn't want to take it but I knew it was what he wanted.
After the funeral I signed some more papers that would give one million dollars to each of my brothers and sisters. I used my father's lawyer to do it. Talking to my dad removed all my hostility towards everybody.
I was wrong about too many things to count.
I'm 24 years old now. I'm 5'0! I just finished medical school, I guess I was a prodigy. Funny how things turn out when you actually believe in yourself. I'm still very close to Taylor, Zac, and Isaac. We write to eachother very often. Did I say that I moved? Blake, my mother, Alissa, and I moved back to Pennsylvania so that we could be with my family again.
Alissa became a huge part of our family. She really didn't have anywhere to go after our father died. My mom was the one that suggested she stay with us. She agreed, of course, and we became friends, just like he wanted us to be.
But anyway, all gushiness aside. I guess the reason I'm telling you this story is because I needed to get it all out. The smallest things can turn out to be the biggest things. One drop of rain started the waterfall. I think that's the saying. It's the best people who turn the bad waterfall... into a good one. I think I'm a good person. I hope I am. It just took me a long time to get there.
I don't miss my dad. I didn't really know him. But I miss him through Alissa's eyes. And I miss him in my heart. The void that used to be there is gone though. Finally I think I have what I needed to fill the gap in my heart. It wasn't a friendship with a celebrity... or the acceptance of a family... it was just a love that I never had before. I finally have it. The love for myself.