TOP SECRET.
OPERATION : STINKY FINGER
Prvt. Jon Wayne Pluko
CODENAME : GayLord RimJob
We have word that off the coast of vietnam the 'Fuck you Charlie' Ripped-Jeans-and-Lipstick Brigade is doing viral research and experimentation with dangerous
forms of mullets, a.k.a. 'Kentucky-Waterfalls', for bio-chemical warfar. They plan to use these new specimans of mullet, a.k.a. 'Squirrel-Pelt', for global terrorism. There has also been radio messages that we decrypted revealing plans for an invasion of local Wal-Mart superstores. These mullets are capable of threatening the very ass, grass and gas that we hold dear. They may also cause castasrophic horror to our neigboring countries, or even Canada.
We have set up a team for your particular mission as follows :
Private Parts
Col. Lager
Sgt. Stain-Of-Shit, a.k.a. Handy
and Private First Class Pal Suckmeoff
Mission Objectives :
Infiltrate the military installation and set the satchel charges near the area of the gas pumps to cause a diversion. Proceed to LAB A by the snack aisle. Once inside you must then bypass the security door in the testing area. The access code is "That's Bullshit". You have at no more than 6 minutes to get inside and obtain the missing mullet, a.k.a. 'Yep-Nope', PROTOTYPE 69sensitive before the new mobile unit 4k 7 sentry cyber-skeletons are aware of your position. IT IS IMPERITIVE THAT YOU GET THE MULLET, a.k.a. 'Tennessee-Tophat', AND DESTROY THE LAB.
Get to the evacuation point by the sai chan river and our team will be there to support you with surpressing cover fire.
Good luck,
Major Shrinkage