ARCHIVED (OLD) NEWS
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DECEMBER 17th, 2001
I have mad cow disease... I keep banging fat chicks.
That's some funny shit, ain't it!
DECEMBER 14th, 2001
If we were in a 'leap year', today would be Friday the 13th!
I guess it's just one more sign pointing towards 'LIFE SUCKS!'
NOVEMBER 1st, 2001
A lot of people are asking what I did for Halloween,what I dressed as, etc.
Well, it's none of your goddamned business, so go fuck yourselves, you sonsabitches.
What's wrong with dressing like a pirate?
I think it's a pretty kickass costume
Speaking of 'kickin' ass!'
Some asshole was wearing a mullet wig and a sleeveless REO Speedwagon shirt.
I guess he thought he was funny.
I beat his ass like a bitch.
I beat his ass so bad he thought we were married.
OCTOBER 24th, 2001
Here's a link to something you bastards might find amusing.
It's not really porn related... it's not even really cat related.
It is 'ThunderCat' related, though.
Fucking 'enjoy'.
OCTOBER 16th, 2001
I received about a thousand e-mails asking me what Halloween means (see yesterday's update)...
Well here's the answer: How the fuck should I know?
It wasn't a teaser, I assumed everyone knew what it meant, cus I sure as hell don't.
Fuckin' A, or somethin'.
Everyone needs to stop looking to me for answers and shit.
Just because I'm really smart don't make me a nice person or nothin'... I'll still kick all your asses.
OCTOBER 15th, 2001
Well, Halloween is on its way, and you know what that means.
AUGUST 14th, 2001
For those of you who are keeping tabs (you know who you are) my life still sucks.
SYIH
July 19th, 2001
The 5th Annual Shitty-Cat-Cook-Off was a success and I have burns to prove it.
It reminded me of the time when I was in North Carolina.
That's a great story.
JULY 3rd, 2001
I added a super secret area with pictures of myself.
See if you can find it.
Only 15 days until this site's 5th anniversary and you know what that means...
That's right, the 5th Annual Shitty-Cat-Cook-Off.
I'll post details later this week.
(Please don't bring any shit-assed cats this time, folks. 'Shitty' refers to the quality of the 'cat-cook-off', not to feline fecal matter.)
MAY 10th, 2001
I finally put up a picture of myself. You can find it
in the 'About Me' section. I hope you enjoy it.
I had just gotten a hair cut before the picture was taken, so
rest assured, I don't always look this good.
APRIL 1st, 2001
Well, Happy April Fuckin Fool's Day, cocksuckers.
The motherfuckers at the factory thought it would be really funny if, for April
Fool's Day, they got me fired.
Being that I'm a fool, I expected everyone to jump out and say 'APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!'
I realized it wasn't a joke when a security guard started punching me.
If those bastards are mullets, I'm ashamed to call myself one.
NOVEMBER 29th, 2000
Here's an update.
I, Jon Wayne Pluko, have a big, stupid, fat, red head.
It's oversized.
I look like a God-damned retard because my big head is so big.
I hate my family.
They don't like me because I have a big ugly red head.
I'm legally retarded.
I want to kill my wife, Darlene Pluko, because she is a fat whore.
I don't update my webpage because I'm busy obsessing over the size of my gigantic pig head.
AUGUST 15th, 2000
Some coldneck at the factory told me a funny joke.
He said, "What do you say to a blonde bitch with no arms and no legs?"
I replied, "I don't know, what the fuck do you say?"
He answered, "NICE FUCKIN' TITS!!!"
My life still sucks.
I ain't got hope for nothin' happenin'.
'Bout all you can do is die around here.
JUNE 16th, 2000
Not much news this week.
I was almost arrested by some pigs on Monday morning before work.
My friends and I were enjoying some Busch pounders and a pleasant sunrise
when they rolled up and told us to keep it down.
I told them I had work in an hour so they left.
(That story gets damn funnier each time I retell it.)
JUNE 9th, 2000
I've been having trouble performing lately, doc says it's all the crank I snort.
What the fuck does he know.
JUNE 2nd, 2000
My wife's doctor told her that she would most likely regain hearing in her left ear.
Maybe she'll learn not to move when I'm blasting her in the face.
I wish I could lose my hearing, maybe I'll just kick her ass again.
I hate my miserable life.
MAY 26th, 2000
Nothing much new this week.
My 2nd wife tried to leave me for the 2nd time yesterday.
I beat the unholy shit out of her and her kids.
She wont be goin' anywhere too soon.
(At least until we get a wheelchair ramp... mwa ha ha)
Oh, I also won a scratch-off lottery game on Monday, however
I wasn't allowed to redeem the 2 dollars because the cashier said he saw me steal the ticket.
I almost beat the shit out of him, too, but my anger management classes seem to be helping.
MAY 14th, 2000
Sorry that I haven't updated in a while(3 years & 10 months)
I was unjustly arrested and served just under 4 years in the slammer.
(Do you know why they call it the slammer?).
Well, onto the latest news
My page was visited by the one millionth person
which flipped the counter back to zero.
However, it was my dad, and family members aren't eligible for the one million dollar prize.
So, I'm gonna spend it all on scratch-off lottery tickets.
I'll be able to buy at least a couple hundred of them.
I might even win some money.
July 18th, 1996
I am pleased to inform all of you
that in the making of this page
over three dozen kittens were slaughtered
and twice that many were pleasured.
Click HEREfor info on how YOU can help.
Kitty Porn, Kitty-Porn, or any variation thereof is a registered trademark of JWP enterprises, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Any similarity between the events or characters described herein and real life is purely coincidental.
c.1994-2001