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Episode Review Vault - Season III

Season I | Season II

Season 3

#304 - "Chefs Mamma"
#305 - "Jakovasaurs"
#306 - "Shop Teacher"
#307 - "Sexual Harassment Panda"
#308 - "Cat Orgy"
#309 - "Cult"
#312 - "Korns Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery"

#304 - Chef's Mamma

Rating -

This episode was not as good as the season I and II episodes where. Chef has a new girlfriend and are getting married , but the boys need his help... Cartman got glasses from his optometrist(--spelling?) and needs to know a way to not need them... but Chef is bizzay with his wedding. So then the boys go to Mr. Garrison for help... he says that the women is a "Suckubutt"(--spelling?) and tries to take away chef from them... and he is right, at the end they play a song backwards and kills her and they all live happily ever after. (oh yeah, Cartman got laser surgery done to his eyes, and wont be needing his glasses anymore.)
#305 - Jakovasaurs

Rating - * * *
Well, this one recieved the same rating as chef's mamma, it had a lot of non-originals (like the female jakovasaur talked suprisingly like Jar-Jar Binks from Star Wars, and its name was Jun-Jun). It starts off at starks pond. The boys are making toasted marshmallows, when Cartman makes a song with his harmonica called "i hate you guys". Then he had to take a crap... so he went behind a tree (he needs certain kind of thoughts to take a crap). While pushing brown, he sees a female jakovasaur, who says "Mesa scared", like Jar-Jar Binks. Then Stan, Kyle, and Kenny came along to see what the hell is goin on. Kyle steps in Cartmans crap. They go to Jimbo for some help. Meanwhile in Jimbos house, Ned looses his voice box. He has to burp words for people to hear him. So anyway, as usual jimbo and ned try to shoot it, but Cartman doesn't want him too. So they call up the Mayor and have her displayed in a cage. Later, Another jakovasaur, named Jakov, goes to Cartmans house for some help finding Jun-Jun. They go to the barn where jun-jun is staying. So these guys from somewhere (i forget where) wanna help repopulate the jakovasaur species. But when Jun-Jun is giving birth, she has a whole littler of like 50. The Jakovasaurs are annoying as hell. The males speak loud as hell while the females make annoying noises. So after everyone (except for cartman) got sick of the jakovasaurs. They plan to let them puposly win a game show and win a trip to france. The boys have to distract Cartman so he doesn't screw it up. So kenny dresses up as a antelope or something. Then a bear tackles and eats kenny. So the jakovasaurs go to France and they love it there! Happily ever after.
#306 - Shop Teacher

Rating - * * *
This episode begins in shop class (oddly enough). The teacher has a picture of a woman on his desk. While the kids are makin stuff, he daydreams of that girl. But it isn't a pleasant one. That girl apparently died in some sort of plan crash or something.

Anyhoo... The teacher asked who the biggest troublemaker in the class was. Kyle and Stan said Tweek. Cartman said Clyde(by the way, Kenny is in Home Ec.). So to prove their point, they make up stuff and tell Tweek and Clyde that they are saying stuff about them behind thier back. So they do get into a fight, Clyde fights Martial Arts style, while Tweek fights Boxing style. The fight makes its way into the shop room, (after Kenny got transfered to there, because the Home Ec. teacher thought he didn't belong there.).The shop teacher was trying to kill himself in the shop room, Kenny gets pushed and gets thrown into a box of nails. Tweek and Clyde are in the hospital, because they hurt each other. And Kyle, Stan, and Cartman still want them to fight, so they make up some more stuff and they get into another fight.

#307 - Sexual Harassment Panda

Rating - * * *
This episode starts off in the classroom, where Mr. Garrison brings in a special guest. He brings in Sexual Harassment Panda. He goes over all of the sexual harassment laws. 5 hours later, Cartman thinks sexual harassment is cool, Stan calls him an ass sucker. Cartman wants to sue Stan for sexual harassment.

They go to court, with Cartman's lawyer being Kyles dad. Cartman gets all emotional on the stand, and ends up winning. The judge orders Stan to give Cartman 50% of his stuff. Then Kyles dad suggests that he sue the school, and he does, for 1.2 million dollers. He gets all this cool stuff, like new shoes and a digital watch. Everyone now wants to sue the school for the littlest things. Like Mr. Mackey sued the school because someone commented on the shape of his ass.

Meanwhile, Sexual Harassment Panda is on the island of misfit mascots, on the island you will see a worm mascot for not staring directly into the sun. They get the panda to come back, but not as Sexual Harassment Panda, but as Don't Sue Panda (or something like that). So everyone doesn't sue everyone, and they live happily ever after.

Oh yeah... forgot to tell ya. On the island of misfit mascots, there is a mascot that tells people "Do not hold a magnet while someone has a fan on around you". Well Kenny was holding a magnet and gets sucked into the fan.

#308 - Cat Orgy

Rating - * * * * *
First of all, I thought this episode was HILARIOUS! It starts off with Cartman playing Wild Wild West with his stuffed animals from the episode when he was playing tea with them. He parodied the Wild Wild West song by Will Smith.

Then his mom told him that she is going to be away for the night, and that the babysitter was downstairs. Low and behold, the babysitter was none other than SHELLY! Yes, Stan's bitchy sister was Cartman's babysitter. She punched Cartman into the walls, and called him names like "turd". Then she invites her boyfriend over, who has an obsession with his guitar and his band, against Mrs. Cartmans rules.

Meanwhile, Cartman is waiting for Shelly and her boyfriend to get off the phone, so he can call his mom, and rat out Shelly. Then Kitty acts all crazy, like meowing and rubbing up against the refrigerator. And all Kitty wants is some action from some other cats. So she goes out and finds a whole bunch of kitties. They all go back to Cartmans house to have an orgy, while other cats are sniffing lines of catnip.

Later, Shelly's boyfriend gets mad at her because she won't put out. So he leaves her. Shelly gets pissed and Cartman decides to help her, out of the kindness of his heart. He leads Shelly's former boyfriend out of the house with his stuffed animals, and a recorder saying "Help me, help me, I'm Salma Hayek and I am trapped and naked." So he goes after the recorder, While Shelly smashes up his guitar. Then they go home and find the cat orgy, and breaks that up. When Cartman's mom comes home and sees the mess that cats made, Shelly and Cartman turn on each other. Leaving everything the way it was before.

#309 - Melvins

Rating - * * * *
This one was up there, but not as funny as Cat Orgy. It takes place at the same time as Cat Orgy, during the meteor shower, but at the party that Cartmans mom went to. The story is focused on Stan though.

Stans mom and dad want to go to Mr. Mackey's meteor shower party, but they couldn't find a baby sitter for Stan. So they have to bring him along, but luckily, Mr.Mackey has a kids room downstairs. Only 3 kids are there, Pip, someone who talks really fast and really annoyingly, and a first grader. Pip makes up this game where he sings something then they sing it too, then he falls down or something, that was funny. Then they go on to finding old women's clothes, and they play Charlies Angels. Stan, who has been sitting in the corner the whole time, is forced onto playing the guy who gives them missions. His first mission was to find a way outta that room, because it will fill up with water soon. And they do, through a ventalation duct. Then their second mission was to find a TV and some cookies. And they did, so now Stan was watchin TV, when a news crew, and a force called ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms) was outside with tanks and guns and stuff. Stan hears that they think that the whole house is filled with a cult, that when the meteor shower comes, they are gonna kill themselves. Everytime someone comes out of the house, the ATF shoots them. Finally the guy who talks really fast goes down with a tape saying that they are not a cult, and everything works out.

#312 - Korns Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery

Rating - * *
Well, i don't know what happend, but this one wasn't very good. It starts off with Cozy 102.1 presenting a halloween special down at the south park docks. The dj runs down the events for the next day which include a live performance by the band Korn. Then the little suns of guns walk by, with Cartman wanting to go to the Spooky Laboratory. Stan reveals the tricks of the laboratory, but good ole stubborn Cartman goes in anyway, getting disgusted over spaghetti and grapes. Meanwhile the boys are discussing the costume contest the next day when they run into 2 teenagers who try to scare them with the old legend of the Pirate Ghosts. Naturally, they don't believe him, until one pops out! Not really, just another teenager... or was it?

Then it shows the dj talking to father maxi about halloween. Father maxi says it is a "celebration of the occult", and then goes on to say that Korn shouldn't be allowed to play in South Park.

Korn is then showed in their groovy van with their groovy... "thing" named "Niblet". And they are talking like scooby doo and the crew. They are playing "I Spy With My Little Eye", which leads them to see the images of 3 pirates... that are ghosts. Could it be the pirate ghosts?

The next day, the boys are all dressed up, except for Cartman, who found a blow up Antonio Bandaras doll that he thought was for him. Kenny was dressed up as the ED-209 Police Robot from Robocop. But still doesn't match up to Wendys chewbacca costume. Then the boys go to the graveyard, for Kyles dead great grandmother. Of course they are using it to scare the fifth graders who told them about the pirate ghosts.

Then the boys run into Korn, who told them about the pirates who ran them off the road. And they go on a search for them. And it was father maxi the whole time. Whodathunkit? (sorry for the skip to the end, it is late, and i am tired, i am bloated, i have migraines, i am cramping...etc (j/k you sick bastards).