"And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a
lamb, and he spake like a dragon....Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding
count the number of the beast; for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six
hundred threescore and six."
--The Revelation of St. John
The ancient prophet John of Patmos wrote
these verses to warn his fellow Christians of the end
of the world. In the Book of Revelation, he
describes the events which will lead up to the end.
Throughout the centuries man has found signs and
proclaimed the end to be at hand. However, time
has not as of yet validated these claims. The latest
sign appears to be the scariest of them all. Hanson.
Some say they're cute. Some say their music rocks.
We at the CSA believe that they are just pure evil.
The CSA, or Center for Signs of the Apocalypse,
has recently uncovered some evidence that
suggests Hanson may be more than just a
bubble-gum pop band. They may in fact be the
beast of the apocalypse as foretold by the
The CSA spends hours a day sifting through pop culture and finding those things which may
point towards the end of the world. From the first time we heard MMMBop we were suspicious.
How could something so annoying be so infectious. We decided further study was needed. Finally,
we found the clue to the true origins of Hanson encoded within their name itself.
The following discussion requires a knowledge of the decimal values for ASCII characters.
Basically, each character in the ASCII set has a unique number. This includes extended characters
not on the standard keyboard. An examination of the decimal values for the letters in the name
"Hanson" will yield startling results. The conversion is: ASCII
But, there are three of them, so:
There you have it! Proof that Hanson is in fact the beast of the apocalypse! Yes, friends, it's
true. The end is upon us. The CSA offers this advice. If you hear Hanson on the radio, do not
panic. Change the station as quickly as possible. Get this information out to your friends and
relatives. Their lyrics may be catchy, but you must fight them off lest you lose your sanity.
RECENT ADDITION!!!! We recently recieved mail from a man known only as
"CyberChucky" who revealed to us the fact that if you type "MMMBop" on a telephone keypad,
you get 666 - 267. Further proof that Hanson is in fact evil. This is no mere coincidence.The question we have to ask ourselves
now is, "Why is it that electronic devices like the telephone and the computer have chosen to
reveal this to us? Is there something they can detect in Hanson's music that perhaps is not
detectable by the human ear?"