Midgets and Midget Tossing
People often ask me why it is that I'm so infatuated with midgets. The truth is obvious. Just look at a midget and you will see. They are the funniest little creatures that you ever did see. They are just like real people, only smaller! What is it that makes them this way, and how does a person get one of his own, I don't really know. I'm just happy that I can see one every once in a while.
You say that times are tough for you? Your signifigant other left you, your job sucks, you don't have
any money, and your dog bit you, then took a dump on your living room floor? That really sucks.
But look at it this way...
This guy over here to the left is Tom Thumb, the legendary
midget wrestler. Apparently, he could whoop up on anyone twice
his size - except for me! I'd toss his ass from one end of the
ring to the other!
How would you like to be this guy? He's got to be one of the luckiest guys in the world. I would
love to toss a midget down a bowling alley.
Photo courtesy of Ms. Kasey Gill, Yale University
Midget Tosser of the Week: Dustin Painter
Did you hear about the gay midget?
Rumor has it he came out of the cupboard.
Is that the best you guys have these days? Give me a break!
A Great Midget Joke:
"Hey, Pope, Do you have any 3 foot nuns working around here?"
The Pope scratches his head, thinks about it for a minute, and says:
"No, my son, I don't believe we do."
All of a sudden, six of the dwarves bust out laughing, slapping their little thighs, falling all over each other, just cracking up.
The Pope, confused, asks why.
They start chanting:
"Dopey did a penguin! Dopey did a penguin!"
You know you're a midget when:
- You're shorter than 4'10"
- You need help at an all-you-can-eat salad bar
- You drive a go-kart
- You have a step ladder by your bed
- You can go down on her without bending over
This one is from "Jingle All the Way." I never actually saw the movie, but there
were elves in it, and that's good enough for me. If you have seen it, let
me know if any midgets were tossed or stuffed down a chimney or the like.
Email me below.
Shorty's
My midget tossing bar opening soon will feature 10-15 midgets
nightly for your tossing pleasure. We will have over 100 different beers in
stock, and we will also feature Midget Samplers of our drafts. It is sure to
be the hottest bar on the east coast.
Now hiring an all midget wait staff and valet staff. Wait staff must be able to
balance a tray on their heads and the valet staff must be able to drive a car
with wooden blocks on their feet so that they can reach the pedals. Inquiries
should email below.
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Wouldn't you like a Little Beaver?