Good morning, yall. It's 0728 hrs. & "Ireland" gives way to "Barons of Suburbia" on iTunes. I'm currently listenin' 2 a four-song Tori Amos "block": "Ireland," "Barons of Suburbia," "Sleeps with Butterflies," & "Toast." I read the CD review on Rolling Stone.com in regards 2 "The Beekeeper"; apparently the guy wasn't like satisfied w/ it. I probably can understand that. Maybe some true Tori fans miss, you know, the music from her earlier days such as "Under the Pink," "Little Earthquakes," & the 1st album I bought, "Boys For Pele." As "Barons of Suburbia" ends, I think that this could b the one song on the album that probably stays true 2 the whole Tori essence or whatever. It's 0733 hrs. I remember talking w/ the barbers or stylists or whatever at Supercuts about how I am a Tori Amos fan & that the stylist mentioned her website where Tori's all wearing this & stuff. I have future plans 2 make Bonnie drawings in the styles seen on Tori Amos.com or in the cover art on my CD. It's 0735 hrs. "Sleeps with Butterflies," which is quite beautiful, plays.

It's 0743 hrs, & the Tori Amos block now becomes "Places" by the Christian rock band Falling Up. Tis also 37? in Bakersfield. It's a good thing I'm on iTunes rather then listenin' 2 the iPod cuz "Underwater" by Vertical Horizon and "Don't کцﻏא with Us" by John Cena & Tha Trademarc were due up, so I unchecked 'em & I didn't have 2 hear "Underwater." I don't have that kinda kustomisation on the iPod.

I looked at the archives on Anna's blog this mourning. I ain't surprised @ the kinda material expected from a jr. high school student. +, her website has been around longer then mine. Now playing is my favourite Falling Up song from their debut album, "Crashings." "Escalates" plays for the ninety-eighth time. She barley mentions me in those posts, & of course, she can't spell my name right. I talk w/ Dr. Urias, my therapist, about how I'm feeling a rift between me & my baby sister. Maybe it's the fact that a twentysomething man should not still b livin' w/ his parents. If Anna had even less respect 4 me, I'd say she'd consider me a total loser. Thank God no one in my family thinks that, & that they understand that suffering from depression ain't such a laughing matter. But still, as I've said 2 Dr. Urias, I feel that I barely have anything in common w/ anyone in my family.

Presently, I've been playing "Escalates" repeatedly. Maybe I'm trying 2 understand what the lyrics mean & tie them in to my personal crisis. I'll type up the lyrics @ the bottom of this post.

Tis 38? outside. I just feel that I haven't done anything much 2 impress Anna. I mean, I've done the Beanie Baby theatre stuff where they play "Friends" or the sound bites I record. I'm sure she really didn't like those flash card pieces of countries & flags of the world. (Those things have been tossed in a closet in a fit of rage & I haven't picked them up since.) I guess when I finally move outta here, it could b for the best. After all, there r a bunch of things that she misses about Jasmyn and Alain. If there are anything that she would miss about me, she better let me now b4 I actually go away. It's 0810 hrs.

"Escalates" by Falling Up


This
Is everything that I wanted
Do you believe that I tried so hard to take it home but
Never felt a single moment
Life
Has been a place where I've wandered
Moving slowly to understand what I can grasp
But understand that it's still not right

So come back to me

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

Lies
Have covered all of the smiles
And wakened thoughts that have turned my heart to face the wind and then
Fall to where I know I'll fit but
You
Do you believe that I wanted
Something other than fallen hearts that just belong to
Places where the bridges give in

So come back to me

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

Can you see what I felt when I told you
Can you cope when it runs right through you

'Cause my heart it is broken with love that is coped
And now you tell me that I have something that's missing

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew

I can't find it but maybe I'll cope
Can you hide it and never let go
Come back to you
I only knew


?2004 Thirsty Moon River Publishing (ASCAP)/ Falling Up Music (ASCAP)