Tell Corey what you are thinking of this story so far in the guestbook. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Note To Sam: CONSTRUCTIVE!
You’re in a place where you don’t know where you are. All around you is noise, a steady humming. It’s coming from where? Where you are is so dark you can’t even see yourself when you look down. You’re so confused and lost. This empty engulfing black hole of nothingness is engulfing you. Then you see the light. The intense beauty of it takes you by surprise as it approaches, far away but slowly getting brighter and bigger, slowly illuminating the area around you. You’re in a tunnel, you guess, and the blinding thing coming at you is heaven. Peace. You’re dead, you think. Or just in a wonderful dream. And the light gets nearer and nearer, so close now its reflected warmth melts you inside. An overwhelming feeling of divinity flows through you as you’re almost there. Take me, you implore. Take me away with you forever. And with arms outstretched you await the light. Wanting, needing to clutch it. To be completely enveloped in it’s warm glow. It comes. You close your eyes. It wipes you out. Turns out the lights were just those of an oncoming train. Where they were going was your oblivion. Now in the darkness, all that consumes you is nothing again. You were deceived.
I awoke from my dreams, scattered and weary. My eyes wouldn’t open properly. My mind wouldn’t think. I didn’t even know where I was. I was too lost to even care. From what I could see, the walls were white and there were splotches of colours sparingly around. Everything was blurry. So much pot, I remembered. I always feel so wrecked after nights of poisoning myself, but I always go back and do it again. Why? Maybe if I have enough, I’ll grow immune? At least I’m not hungover, I thought, then rolled over and felt something. It startled me wide awake. The blurs cleared up. Katya was next to me. And then it all came back.
Last night, I remembered, was nirvana. We’d gone into her room, lips together, and she’d pulled my shirt off over my head. My pants had fallen down as we moved to her double bed. In my boxers I’d kissed her neck and helped her with the removal of her top. In her white bra she was gorgeous. Her under I on the bed, I ran my hands over her, taking in her whole body. My fingers crept down her sides as I laid kisses on her stomach, moving down, I lusted her more than ever as I felt her hands on my cheeks, warm and inviting. She slowly raised my head, meeting my pupils with her own. Easily, she drew me back closer to her and set her lips on mine again. Then she turned me over and now she had me pinned, shoulders down for the three count and however long after she wanted. Over me she sat, her pants and my shorts the only things separating us. Materials masking the naked beauty. Her eyes on mine, absorbed in endless enchantment, she grinned the most evil grin I’d ever seen. The room was on fire and the flames were engulfing us. We were burning. And slowly she took off her bra, unraveling her breasts.
Fuck. I could have died right there.
They, like everything else, perfectly suited her. Pale white hills on a vast and breathtaking land with two exquisite peaks. My hands were on her hips and gradually she returned to my lips, tongues wrestling like lovers in the water.
We didn’t have sex, I remembered, as I lay in her bed watching her sleep like a child. She was facing me. Had she been watching me drift away last night? Had I turned from her after our moment? Faded memory regarded me little, leaving me without answers. We’d rolled around her bed, in lust and love for hours. Spending ourselves and each other, and when we had nothing left to spend we slept.
Watching Katya, I was torn. Strands of her free roaming hair covered her face. I desperately wanted to brush them away. To make her face clearer. To touch her. But as peaceful as she appeared, I didn’t want to disturb her. So I left it alone. And I just watched her for what could have been hours but felt like seconds, until her eyes opened.
She saw me and smiled. I smiled back. She was naked under our pure white blanket, as was I. Naked together, hiding nothing. No secrets, just understanding. Her eyes showed satisfaction, my heart knew contentment. I could have laid with her forever. And like she was reading my mind, her lips parted and her words echoed me.
“I don’t want to leave this bed.”
I smiled heartily. “Either.” I plainly added. There was a window above and behind our heads. The curtain that covered it was thin and yellow. The sunlight shining over us gave the room a restful glow. It was grand. And we just laid there for hours, letting time glide by, chatting away about the things we loved. Music, poetry – the things we lived for.
“I’d really like to do a painting, but I didn’t bring any stuff.” She said.
I replied “I could go to a store and buy some paint, some canvas, some…” I stopped. I had no motivation to leave and find all that stuff, unless she asked me to.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll just keep it in here,” she pointed to her brain and under the slightly raised blanket I could see one of her breasts. I must have been obvious, because she laughed after a second and said “I was pointing up here.” I looked to her face and her index finger was still pointed to her brain, her eyes and mouth grinning. She always looked so humble, and her smile was contagious.
“Hey, it’s not my fault there so attractive.” I joked.
Her smile amplified. A silent moment passed us and then she came to me, rolling, though not completely over me, one hand on my chest, the other running through my hair tenderly, we resumed our holiday game, kissing for ages before finally we decided we should go to the beach and be creative.
Just like the day before, I wrote, she played, this time with singing. I smiled inside as my workers cheered. Was she becoming more comfortable around me? Again it was perfect weather, and as she played her songs I watched her and continued my novel. I was writing about her Mercedes-Benz. The impact her actions had on me, the way they made me feel. Our second date was the moment, I realised, that I started loving her. Between the writing and singing, we voyaged into the sea and swam and wrestled. Though we’d done basically the same things yesterday, it all felt fresh and incredible. Wherever I was, Infinity I called it, was bliss. Katya wrote a poem for me and sent me out to the waves for a while so she could make it into a song. When she called me back, I listened and I could have taken her right there on the sand. She was so pure. So everything I’d ever wanted. Her lines rang throughout the beach as I let them take me away like a leaf in the breeze.
The happiness you have awoken
Put together what was broken
Writing all my pain away
End to melancholy days
With you, O, I feel unique
Special with each word you speak
Filled me with your kindliness
What I feel I must confess
I can’t get enough of this
For you is all that I could wish
The happiness you have awoken
Put together what was broken
Writing all my pain away
End to melancholy days
We smoked a few joints with our alcohol before Katya briefly left. Soon she was back and she laid out a present on the table.
Two tablets.
“What’s this?” I asked, already seeing where we were headed.
“Ecstasy.” She retorted with a smile. “I had a few tablets, so I brought them up.” Brave, I thought, considering the mess they’d created for us on the weekend.
“Didn’t you have a pretty bad come down on Saturday?” I tried to remind her. I’d never had ecstasy, had no real desire to.
“Yeah, but I took too much.”
“How much did you take?”
“More than I should have.” She looked at me, seemingly annoyed with my questioning. Was this an argument?
“Do you want to have one?” She asked me straightly. I looked at the two round trip-aides lying prostrate ahead of me. I’d never taken E before, but I knew quite a few mates that had. These were the same mates that enjoy quiet nights at home on Speed. Damo, Hood etc. Actually, I’d never done any drugs other than pot and mushrooms. None had ever appealed. Sitting in front me, it still didn’t.
“Come on.” Katya almost pleaded and moved behind me, her arms enfolding me and her chin resting on my shoulders. “It will be fun.” And I looked at them closer, focusing. Neither of my parents had ever really given me ‘drug talks’. They’d told me bad stories about acid, speed – heroin told bad stories for itself, but E I hadn’t ever heard a bad account of that I recall. And Katya wanted me to take it.
“Okay,” I finally answered, “but not a whole one, just a half.” And she nodded with a smile. I’d heard only good things from Damo and Hood about E, but they’d also told me if I ever did it to start with a half. Don’t go overboard, they said.
“You’ll love it.” She said whilst my brain rationalized the decision to myself. What’s the worst that can happen? A bad experience? Dehydration? A shitty come down? Screw it. I’d had bad times, sweated and felt depressed before. I can handle it, I told myself. I’ll probably have the time of my life. And if I don’t, Katya will be right there to help me. To bring me back to reality.
So we halved it and swallowed our fate. She even halved hers for me. Like I had for her.
She put on some tunes. Electronic stuff – just beats. More experimental than techno. She said it was great to listen to when you were rolling. I grabbed some more wine and opened the bottle. We had a few glasses and then – Wow. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced. Everything seemed so attractive. Simple things drew me to them, then Katya. We hugged and we danced and all was wonderful. I felt so alive and together and a fantastic thought hit me.
“Let’s go to the beach!”
“We are at the beach.” Katya kidded, and I laughed and slapped her shoulder in jest. Even without the drugs I felt so comfortable with her.
“You know what I mean. To the actual sand and water.”
Katya slung an arm around me and happily answered. “Let’s do it.”
So we went. Out the front door to the unfolding carpet of sand that laid ahead of us, leading to the tranquil, beautiful water. We threw off our shoes. They landed wherever. Feeling the earthy soft sand under my toes, Katya with an arm around me, me with one arm around her, my eyes followed the stars in the pure night sky. They’d never appealed as magical as they did to me right there. Save for Katya, nothing had. And the moon, it glistened off the water, drawing us to it. We were pacified by the magnificence of all around us, yet as we approached the water, an idea struck me that I just had to share with Katya.
“Let’s go for a swim!” I suggested excitedly. Katya broke away from me.
“Yes!” She mirrored my excitement, perhaps even exceeded it, and without any discussion we started undressing. Off with my shirt, off with my pants, the cold breeze felt so fresh on my skin, giving me goosebumps of pleasure. In my boxers I went to enter the water. From behind me came a call.
“Take those off, you wimp!” Katya pressured, referring to my boxers; the only item of clothing I had left on. Turning to see her, she was in a white bra and panties. She was me see her and she slowed down, moving like air, soft and dancing. Her bra came off and her face was devious. She was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. A vision. A Goddess. I followed her order, sliding my shorts off as she brought her panties down. Clothes all around us with the air and the stars and the sea, with nature we were completely naked, completely free and completely lusting. I couldn’t wait. I ran to her. And though taking care, I tackled her down. We were bare and rolling, pressed together, enfolded in ecstasy. And in the grandeur of the moment, the vitality and beauty of it – things just seemed right and after dripping entangled, inside each other together, we fell asleep on the sand.
I wish I’d never woken up.
Tell Corey what you are thinking of this story so far in the guestbook. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Note To Sam: CONSTRUCTIVE!
