MIDGET JONES’ DIARY

INT. STUDY – NIGHT

We follow a small set of legs in from the doorway. The room is dark with the blinds drawn shut. The only source of light within the room comes from opposite the door where a laptop sits switched on atop a table. The legs approach the table and come to a chair that rests in front of it. They turn toward the chair and awkwardly rise from the ground and maneuver until they are out of view.

CUT to the computer screen which takes up the entire frame. The sound of typing is audible as a sentence forms before our eyes:

I just had the worst day of my life.

CUT to a WIDE SHOT from side on of MIDGET JONES sitting on the chair and staring at the screen, its eerie glow illuminating him slightly. The title of the film appears in bold white lettering over the scene which slowly fades to black under it.

MIDGET JONES’ DIARY

INT. MIDGET’S BEDROOM – MORNING

MCU of Midget from above as he lays comfortably in his bed. His eyes slowly open and then flicker a couple of times, adjusting to the waking world.

MIDGET (V.O)
It started off like any other morning.

CUT to a front-on shot of Midget easing out of bed and on to a two-step set which leads him to the floor. When off the steps, he rubs his hands over his face and then stretches.

CUT to Midget standing at a miniature cupboard, deciding what to wear. He flicks through various items before finding what he wants: a yellow T-shirt. He smiles to himself and takes it out.

CU on the tag of the shirt, which reads:

PARADE CHILDREN’S WEAR

INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

Midget opens the door of a bar fridge and takes out a small carton of milk. He opens it and sets it on the sink. Above the sink are several cupboards. Jones exits the frame momentarily before returning with a step-stool. He positions it in front of the sink and then climbs on top. From there, he opens a cupboard door and takes out a shot glass. Midget turns and carefully steps down off the stool. He grabs the carton of milk and pours himself a shot. He drinks it as if drinking from a full glass and then smiles, refreshed.

EXT. SWANSTON STREET – MORNING

Jones slowly walks past the Flinders Street steps with a packed plastic bag in hand.

MIDGET (V.O)
Christmas is the best time of year for people like me. Every big store in town wants a Santa Clause and every Santa Clause needs an elf. I make probably 80% of my income in December. It’s June now, so I’m unemployed.
(beat)
It’s not as if I haven’t been looking for work. I have. But no one wants to hire a little person. They say I have attitude problems, but I know that’s just their way of covering up the discrimination.

Midget walks past an EVANGELIST in the street.

EVANGELIST
(in a crazed sermon)
And there it is, Christians. A product of sin, of hate! His parents didn’t go to church and they were punished with a defective son! Look at him, Christians. Is that how you want your children to be?

Front-on MCU of Midget seething as he walks.

CUT to Swanston Street Bridge. A female doll is taped to the guard rail, upright. Under it is a portable tape deck. Midget faces away from the doll looking to the sky and breathing in.

MIDGET (V.O)
I busk for a living. Currently I’m touring the city with my one-man performance of Romeo and Juliet.

Midget turns to face the doll. He gets on one knee stupidly.

MIDGET
(extremely melodramatic)
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

Midget promptly gets up and runs to the tape deck. He presses “PLAY” on and returns to his previous position.

MIDGET (TAPE DECK)
(badly impersonating a woman)
Ay me!

Once again Midget runs to the tape deck, this time pressing “STOP”. He returns to his position and goes to deliver his next line.

CUT to Midget walking past Flinders Street Station in the opposite direction to earlier.

MIDGET (V.O)
I’d barely made a cent and I’d performed the play twice. I thought I’d earned a lunch break, so I headed to McDonalds to get a Happy Meal.

A hand comes down on Midget’s shoulder, halting him. Jones looks upward to see a man wearing an AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL shirt.

STRANGER
Whoa, little boy. What are you doing in the city all by yourself?

MIDGET
Little boy?

STRANGER
I bet you’ve escaped from kindy, haven’t you?

MIDGET
What are you talking about? I’m an adult.

STRANGER
Oh okay. You’re an adult. (chuckles) I bet you go to the kinder just down the road. I’ll take you back.

The man takes Midget’s hand and begins leading him away.

MIDGET
Get off me! I’m not a child! Listen to my voice. It’s broken!

STRANGER
Ah, I was wondering why it sounded so deep. How’d you break it?

Midget groans angrily.

INT. KINDERGARTEN CLASS – DAY

A 30-something teacher sits on a chair in front of a group of cross-legged children.

TEACHER
Are you all ready for a story?

KIDS
Yay!

There is a knock on the door.

TEACHER
Ooh. Looks like we have a visitor. Bare with me, kids. While I go answer the door, I want you all to close your eyes and think of ice-cream clouds.

KIDS
Yay!

The teacher gets off her seat and opens the door. Standing in front of her is the stranger who is still holding Midget by the hand.

TEACHER
What can I do for you?

STRANGER I found this little scallywag wandering the city streets all by himself.

With his free hand, the man ruffles Midget’s hair.

STRANGER (cont’d)
Is he one of your students?

The teacher eyes Jones curiously, trying to locate a memory. Midget shakes his head wildly.

MIDGET
I’m an adult! Can’t you tell? I’m a fucking adult!

TEACHER
Ooh, what a potty mouth! (looks to Stranger) Yes, I do believe he is an escapee.

She kneels down and looks at Jones condescendingly.

TEACHER (cont’d)
You’re a little rascal, aren’t you? (looks up to Stranger) Thank you so much for finding him. I wasn’t even aware he was missing.

STRANGER
Any time. (kneels and faces Midget) Now, no more shenanigans like that, okay? Your parents would have been very worried if you’d gotten lost.

Midget stares a hole into him.

CUT to MCU of Midget sitting cross-legged among the group of children as the teacher reads a story off-screen.

TEACHER
Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in, said the nasty wolf.

Midget looks ready to kill.

EXT. KINDERGARTEN PLAYGROUND – DAY

Midget sits alone. After a few moments, a child comes from behind him and taps him on the shoulder.

KID
You’re it!

The child runs away and the laughter of others it heard. Midget closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He remains sitting there, furious. Another few moments pass by before the kid’s voice is heard.

KID
Hey, aren’t you gonna play?

The child enters the frame and approaches Midget from behind.

KID
What’s wrong?

Midget leaps to his feet and turns wildly.

MIDGET
What’s wrong? WHAT’S WRONG? I’m locked in fucking daycare with a bunch of toddlers! That’s what’s fucking wrong!

With the last word, Jones shoves the child violently. The child doesn’t fall.

MIDGET
You want some? You want a piece?

He shoves him again.

MIDGET
I’ll fuck you up, little man.

Midget shoves the child a third time. This proves to be the breaking point as the kid winds back and floors Jones with a punch to the face. Midget begins sobbing, holding a bloody nose.

EXT. LUNA PARK ENTRANCE – DAY

Establishing shot of patrons entering the theme park.

MIDGET (V.O)
It took forever, but after showing the teacher multiple forms of ID and putting my pubic hairs on display, I was allowed out.

EXT. LUNA PARK – DAY

Midget walks purposefully.

MIDGET (V.O)
I had to cheer myself up, so I went to the one place that always makes me happy.

CUT to a shot of various joke mirrors before focusing on one. Midget steps into the reflection and it makes him appear tall. He breathes a sigh of relief whilst taking in this image. Moments later, however, a normal sized mine enters and shares the reflection, dwarfing Jones. A look of despondency consumes Midget’s face before he turns and slowly shrinks into nothing in the reflection. The man is left there, smiling smugly.

EXT. YARRA RIVER – DAY

A serene shot of the small hill that leads from the Botanical Garden fence to the Yarra.

MIDGET (V.O)
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to be tall. So, I did what anybody in my situation would do.

Midget enters the frame from behind the camera slightly to the left, on stilts. He seems to be going well for a few steps but then suddenly loses control. He stumbles momentarily, trying to catch himself, but eventually falls hard onto the hill. The momentum of the fall causes him to roll and he goes straight into the river.

FEMALE VOICE (O.S)
Oh my God! Did you see that?

MALE VOICE (O.S)
It’s okay, honey. I’ll save him.

A man comes running into the scene and dives into the river. He swims out the where the water has taken Midget and retrieves him. In a very melodramatic sequence, the man takes Jones back to shore and lays him down. He begins pressing his chest hard.

MAN
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Breathe dammit, breathe!

MIDGET
I’m fine!

INT. NEWSROOM – TELEVISION

A female news anchor (KITTY ROSWELL) reports.

KITTY
The little person is said to be okay after this harrowing incident. Now, I’m not supposed to editorialize here, but sometimes it needs to be done. I urge everybody out there to be more tolerant of midgets and their unusual ways. It is obvious that they are ashamed of their appearance and want to be more like us regular people. We need to make sure they feel comfortable in their own skin so to be safe from something like this ever happening again.
(breaks into a smile)
That’s all we have time for tonight. Until tomorrow, I’m Kitty Roswell: social conscience.

The scene blacks out.

INT. MIDGET’S LOUNGE – NIGHT

Midget sits on his couch in the darkness, the remote in his hand. He shakes his head with rage. A knock on the door is heard. He faces sideward, considering whether to answer or not. After a few seconds, another series of knocks is heard. Midget rolls his eyes and gets off the couch.

INT/EXT. DOORWAY – NIGHT

Midget opens the door to find a gang of five little men standing with angry expressions.

LEADER
You Midget Jones?

MIDGET
Yeah.

LEADER
You son of a bitch. How could you?

MIDGET
How could I what?

LEADER
The whole country thinks we’re all self-loathing depresso-drones because of what you did. Your stilt stunt has made us all look ashamed!

MIDGET
I..I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to…

LEADER
(interrupting)
Your intentions are of no consequence. Your actions have spoken volumes. Now it is time for ours to do the same.

The leader turns to his gang.

LEADER (cont’d)
Get him, fellas!

The gang instantly run at Midget and tackle him down. They begin kicking and punching with reckless abandon as the camera draws away, the sound of screaming clearly audible.

INT. STUDY – NIGHT (opening scene)

Side-on WIDE SHOT of Midget typing into his laptop.

CUT to computer screen. No text is showing, though the sidebar shows that the document is long. The sound of typing is heard as words appear on the screen.

My own kind have turned against me and now I’m completely alone. I’m a freak.

We see the cursor click on “SAVE” and then close the document. Now on the desktop, it then clicks on “START” and then “SHUT DOWN”.

CUT to shot from behind the laptop, the upright screen blocking Midget’s face. A few seconds pass before Midget’s hand appears atop the screen and slowly folds it closed. Jones eyes downward at the computer before looking directly into the camera in tears. His face is swollen and he has a distinct lack of teeth.

FADE TO BLACK.

Tell Corey what you thought of this in the guestbook.


View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook