There once was some stoned rats at Dec’s
And all they could move was their necks
They wanted to eat
Couldn’t move their feet
So with their own hands they had sex
PAUL
There once was a man called Paul
The poor man had only one ball
To all girls he lied
He kept it inside
Though he never got any at all
D>
There once was a guy called Dec
Whose body broke off at the neck
It started a new life
With kids and a wife
And somehow got shitloads of sex
DRINKING
There once was a boy who loved drink
He preferred drinking booze than to think
It made him insane
It was all a game
But his brain was gone in a wink
OWEN
I’m gonna write a poem
About some guy called Owen
A chick he did score
But is she a whore?
I’m sure he will always be wonderin’
HOT CHILI WINE
That chili wine was quite intense
It tickled my every sense
I needed a break
My brain it did take
The feeling it brought was immense
BINGE
One day I went on a binge
I cut my hair into a fringe
I danced on a table
I’m stoked I was able
But every one could see my minge
ALBINOS
There once was a sicko named Gino
Who loved to have sex with albinos
Were white as his sperm
Supple, yet firm
So he settled with one in San Remo
SAUCE
There once was a bottle of sauce
Whose path was slightly off course
He sprayed on a limb
Got thrown in a bin
Forever he’ll feel that remorse
MOBILITY
There once was a mobile phone
Who was lost and all alone
The yuppies had gone
To some club named Yorn
He wished that he’d worn more cologne
ED NOTE: See, it’s a satirical statement made
about the overwhelming power of image, fabric,
even smell over the pop-culture world.
We however are lucid beings, avoiding these
traps – but so many others are falling victim,
and when I see them, I’d cry if I didn’t despise
them as much as I do.
EMPTY
There once was an empty glass
Whose mouth was as big as its arse
It felt really thirsty
As well as felt dirty
That thing needs to get some damn class!
LIMERICK
There once was a limerick I wrote
That drank every night at The Tote
Got smashder than me
Not as bad as Leigh
‘Cause it was fresh off the boat
LOSS
There was a great feeling of loss
That came at an empty cost
I lost my soul
Left with a hole
Smiling, I laid and was crossed
CADENCE
There once was a night I named Cadence
For it’s musical fragrance
All so constructive
Bazooka productive
For learning, this is our séance
SCHIZO
There once was a schizophrenic
Who strangely was quite photogenic
A model she was
A model because
Her mother had sex with Jeff Fenich?
LONE CIGARETTE
There once was a lone cigarette
Who took a trip to the launderette
As soaked as it was
It hung on because
To miss it would make one regret
THE KNIFE
The knife was hungry for skin
To cut up, dismember within
Moving so deep
This blood I will keep
Tears and remembering
SISTER MY SISTER (written by EM! SICKO!)
I wish that she was not my sister
‘Cause now the whole school knows I kissed her
They called it incest
But it was the best
I hope they don’t find out I fist her
SPIT ROAST
There once was a chick named Em
Who loved the boys Morgan and Clem
She tried to impress
By getting undressed
And having a spitter with them
FUCK YOU COREY
There once was a guy called Corz
Who had quite a very sad storz (story)
His life was cancer
He drove a lancer
And now at life I hear he claws
Feed me back.
