The Ambassador has a horrible addiction.

No, it's not the hooch. It's much worse than that toxin plant. I know, I know, I thought nothing was worse, but for a wrestler, the kind of addiction The Ambassador has is a billion times more threatening to his livelihood.

The addiction, my friends, is FAILURE.

Haven't you noticed the worrying trend? It all started last week, when Jamie Krenshaw and his bald-headed bitch captured the DCW Tag Team titles. The Ambassador had felt his first loss in months and apparently, he loved it!

The evidence supporting this comes only a few nights later, when The Ambassador stepped into a PWK ring to fight in the King of the Death Match tournament and lost again! He fought valiantly and tried hard, as hard as he could, he says, but still he lost.

Oh, Ambassador. Why oh why are you so infatuated with the idea of addictions? Polluting your body with drugs, cigarettes and now failure? Can't you see that all things must be taken in moderation?

Jamie Krenshaw sees it, and that's why he only loses once every couple of months. That's why he only drinks once a year. That's why he only berates Devlin Jones once a week, little butt-muncher that kid is. See, all this talk of being The Ambassador to the fans, giving them what they want, and yet your new addiction robs them of the one thing they could ever want (according to you): victories for a fan favourite.

And don't you think it's selfish to anchor your partner's career down with this new fever you've caught? Do you think he appreciates being saddled up with someone who is driven by an instinct to fail? Sure, Dylan Jones may have that same addiction when it comes to dating, but he's an okay wrestler. He doesn't deserve the treatment you're giving him.

He knows it, too. Word on the street is that he's going to turn on you and join Jaleth. Don't believe me? Fine. Your stubborness is already well documented. You stubbornly stick by your wife, even when you KNOW Ben Gebhart has given her the old in-out. You stubbornly claim to have beaten Jade Diamond, when it's obvious that he, like Dylan Jones last week, was sabotaged by his partner. And now you stubbornly act as if you have a chance of winning either of your matches at Commencement, when it is plain for all to see that your own horrible addiction will not allow it.

Well, that's fine. If you're content being a stubborn, hypocritical, drug-addicted failure, go ahead. No skin off my nuts. Just don't be surprised when the "Ice Man" realizes that you're dead weight and abandons you, just like you abandoned your dying father.

The Virtuoso of Violence is living in an abandoned mansion in Tennessee. At least, for the week he is. The mansion used to belong to a former TWF wrestler, Rich Tapestry, who has long since died of AIDS. The reason nobody has bothered to sell the house, or even ransack it and steal all of the expensive valuables (as opposed to cheap valuables, like Adam Young's title reigns) within, is because Tennesseeans are cooky, and fear that Mr. Tapestry left AIDS all around the place before succumbing to death.

Jamie Krenshaw does not have the same fear. With the amount of ring rats he's inflated, he figures he's either contracted or built up an extremely strong tolerance to the AIDS virus long ago. So, he sits at the head of a lavish dining room table, grinning and breathing slightly heavier than usual. Opposite him sits Sandy Dillinger, one of the women he left "Room" with earlier in the week. She has ragged red hair that prickles out to her shoulders and despite being only nineteen, her face appears aged, hardened by stays in various foster homes with Pete Townshend impersonators. She tokes on a cigarette and drinks straight vodka from a bowl, as her breasts try to escape from the tight blouse Jamie stole for her from a church fair earlier in the day.

Jamie's heavy breathing eases. A few seconds later, Katya, the other woman that left with Jamie earlier in the week rises from under the table. She remains on her knees, facing Jamie as he stretches his arms.

KATYA: All done.

Katya Conway is a beautiful girl. Long and curly dark hair pours down past her neck like some incredible frozen waterfall. Her eyes are hazel and her face withdrawn, young. She is only eighteen.

Jamie eyes downward at something under the table. Shortly thereafter, he looks at Katya, unamused.

JAMIE: You call those polished! Get down and do it again!

Katya obeys. This is the way of the ring rat or groupie, if you will. They are submissive, both in a sexual and general manner. Occasionally they are regular people attracted to fame. Usually, however, they are haunted souls with horrible pasts, clinging onto the heights that their heroes have achieved. The only love they know is in sleazy sex, and that's where celebrities come in. If fame were a party you were invited to, there'd be a rule that you must be a sexual deviant to enter. Ask R. Kelly. Regardless, Katya obeys. Because she is dead inside.

JAMIE: God. Is it too much to ask that my white shoes remain white? How on earth do they get so mucked up and brown?

Suddenly, a knock on the door.

JAMIE: Answer that, Sandy.

Sandy nods and puts down her bowl of vodka. It is nearly empty. Sandy stumbles through the mansion towards the door. Eventually, she gets to it and answers the knocking. Soon, she returns to the dining room with a police officer who is holding a leash. Attached to it, Jamie Krenshaw's Bitch Man.

OFFICER: I understand you are Mr. Jamie Krenshaw?

JAMIE: Good for you. I understand algebra.

The officer squints but chooses not to take the bait.

OFFICER (looking down at H-BM) : Found this outside a bar called "Room". He claims he's yours.

JAMIE: Yes. He is.

OFFICER: Were you aware that he has been tied to a pole, half-naked for more than two days?

JAMIE: If by aware you mean unaware, then yes. Yes I was.

Again the officer squints.

OFFICER: Well, many people were complaining about his smell, so I had to remove him from where he was. In future, we'd appreciate it if you didn't leave your pets out in the street. It's not the kindest of things to do.

JAMIE: I hear ya, Badge-tit. From now on, no abandoning my pet.

The officer shakes his head, frustrated.

OFFICER: Well I'll leave him with you.

The officer goes to leave, but turns to Jamie one last time.

OFFICER: And he could really do with a change of diaper.

Jamie salutes the officer.

JAMIE: I'm on it!

Again the officer shakes his head, and then he leaves. As soon as the door is heard closing, Jamie's expression turns furious. He rises viciously from his spot, "accidentally" kneeing Katya in the face as he does so. He then storms over to his bitch and goes behind him, staring at his brown nappy. Jamie is disgusted.

JAMIE: Why you filthy bitch!

Jamie winds up with his left foot and swings for the hardest anus kick you've ever seen...

FADE TO GREEN.