Feeling stupid aren't you? Wishing you could take back all the time you dedicated to wondering just who Jamie Krenshaw's mystery partner could be, huh? Wish you could take back all those wasted thoughts and think about something productive? Well, too bad. You were swerved and nothing you can do will change that.
Who did you think it would be?
Did you think Jamie had enlisted the help of an old BTW comrade? Maybe you thought he'd gone and sought out an old enemy? Did you consider he was going to bring back his old partner from the TWF, Will Kaine?
Whatever you thought, you were wrong. Because Jamie did none of those things. What Jamie did was go to a building-site, where all tough, grizzled, older men work and he offered them the chance of a life time. After that, he asked if any of them wanted to be his tag team partner in a title match.
You should've seen them. They were like puppies in a window, jumping and cutesying around, vying for the attention of a potential owner. Eventually, Jamie chose one. And then he beat him with a large paddle until that formerly grizzled, tough worker-man had turned into a whimpering little bitch.
And thus, Jamie Krenshaw's Bitch Man was born.
Part man, mostly bitch, he stands at exactly six foot tall and weighs more than most. He's also one of YOUR champions. Now everybody in this federation except Jack Bone, Jamie Krenshaw and Ben Gebhart has to bow down to this pathetic bitch and hail him as their superior.
The Bitch Man is better than The Ambassador. He's better than Dylan Jones. Better than Kingpin, Rob Blondie and hell, even better than Jade Diamond. The title he won on Syndicated proves that. His career is only one match strong and already he is a legend.
How does that make you feel? Swerved and now inferior to a whimpering pussy. Your parents must be so proud of you.
Idiot.
Now, marvel at the brilliance of your new tag team champions and watch Jamie Krenshaw prove once again why he is a maverick, and Bitch Man prove for the second time, that he truly is a sad little bitch.
The wind is whistling the tune of "We Are The Champions" as Jamie Krenshaw takes His Bitch Man for a walk. Jamie wears a yellow suit and black shirt along with shiny white shoes. Attached to his hand is a lead, and attached to that lead, walking on his hands and knees is His Bitch Man. It is a cold night out, but Jamie's suit is warm. H-Bitch Man however, has been forced to wear nothing but a nappy and a red cape. Still, this does not bother the Man. He smiles contentedly as Jamie drags him along, apparently at the end of an entertaining story.
JAMIE: ... and that's how I single-handedly won us the Tag Team titles.
His Bitch Man smiles with glee.
H-BITCH MAN: Tell it again, Sir. Tell it again!
Jamie looks down at his bitch with a disapproving glare, which rightfully causes the human plaything to feel more than a twinge of guilt. Jamie's just fooling, however. He's glad to tell the story as many times as possible. It's legendary.
JAMIE: Dylan Jones and The Ambassador were embracing like pre-devirginized teenagers at a school prom. Ben Gebhart was sulking and Jack Bone was thinking about necrophillia when suddenly...
Jamie stops. His attention has been taken away by a bar. It's all bright lights, loud pop music and a semi-long queue. The place is called "Room". His Bitch Man's eyes remain affixed to Jamie, waiting for the continuation of the story. Krenshaw ignores him. Until he needs something from him.
JAMIE: You see that queue, bitch?
Bitch Man looks and nods with too much emphasis.
H-BITCH MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
JAMIE: Well, I need it to be drastically shortened.
H-BITCH MAN: Uh-huh.
JAMIE: You know what to do.
Jamie kneels down and lets H-Bitch-M off his lead. The Bitch rises to his feet, his large gut flabbing all over the place and his cape blowing in the wind. Quite a large bulge is packed within his nappies, too. Guess he REALLY enjoyed that story. All of a sudden, Bitch Man runs at the queue, his right arm raised high. He gets to the back of the line, where two skankily dressed women stand.
H-BITCH MAN: Out of my way, you lumpy-chested penis cups!
The Bitch Man bitch slaps both of the girls with terrific force. They stumble backward, out of the queue. Man lets out a roar that resembles what Mike Tyson must sound like when having an orgasm. AAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
H-BITCH MAN: Get out of the line!
Everyone in the queue stares at the Bitch in disbelief. Some are scared, some are merely perplexed. After a few seconds, all are bitch slapped. The ones that haven't fled in terror are unconcsious on the ground. The power of the mighty slap of the whimpering pussy being too great for them to handle. H-Bitch-Man now stands at the front of the line, where two angry bouncers stand. As they glare at HB-Man and crack their knucles in preparation for a donnybrook, Jamie Krenshaw approaches and viciously slaps His Bitch Man over the back of the head.
JAMIE: What the hell are you doing you crazy bitch?
His Bitch Man starts sobbing. Jamie puts his collar back on and drags him to a streetlight pole. There, Jamie ties His Bitch Man to the pole, in the cold. Krenshaw then turns and walks toward the bouncers without a second thought for his champion partner.
JAMIE: Sorry about that, guys. I don't know what came over him.
BOUNCER 1: Ah, that's okay. That was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Entry is free for you, Mr. Krenshaw.
Jamie grins.
JAMIE: You know my name?
BOUNCER 1: Of course I do. That shirt under your suit has a picture of you and your name on it.
Jamie examines his shirt. So it does.
BOUNCER 2: What's a maverick?
The second bouncer examines some of the extra writing on the shirt. Jamie laughs and doesn't answer. Then he turns his attention to the two lumpy-chested penis cups that HB-Man originally bitch slapped. He grins and turns back to the bouncers.
JAMIE: Those two broads are with me as well. Free entry for them too?
BOUNCER 1: No problem, Mr. Tag Team champion of DCW.
Jamie looks surprised, then remembers he's carrying the belts on his shoulders. He looks to the girls.
JAMIE: Hey slappers, you want free entry?
Their bruised heads nod. They approach the entrance of the bar.
JAMIE: Well, I've gotten you free entry. Later on, I expect the same in return.
Their bruised heads nod again. The three then enter the bar, one on either side of Jamie as he rests one hand on each of their arses. Meanwhile, His Bitch Man shivers in the cold.
FOUR HOURS LATER...
Jamie and the girls stumble out of "Room", drunk of their faces. Laughing and almost falling, they look as if they're having a great time.
JAMIE: ... and that's how I single-handedly won the Tag Team titles!
The girls cheer and fondle his chest. They walk out on to the road, passing His Bitch Man without even seeing him. Jamie's eyes light up at something up the road.
JAMIE: Taxi!!!
He raises his hand and waves the attention of the cab. It stops and Jamie and his slappers get in the back seat.
JAMIE: To the cheapest motel you can find!
The cab then speeds off. A happy ending for our Jamie: Tag Team champion and soon-to-be recipient of a night in with a giant breast octopus (aka. two women)
And meanwhile, His Bitch Man shivers in the cold.