You've seen it so many times before. Especially in wrestling. Someone retires gracefully, leaving the long road trips and binges and groupies behind them. And then they return two months later. The life that was making them tired and miserable, the life they'd convinced themselves they didn't want; it called them back. They NEEDED the road trips. They NEEDED the binges and they certainly NEEDED the groupies. After all, a steady girlfriend and boring days at home are no match for a cocaine-fuelled threesome with a couple of girls who will do absolutely anything to impress you. Everyone in the business knows this. That's why, eventually, everyone comes back.
Jade Diamond. Jack Bone. JD Lawson. They're all prime examples of this point. They've all left the business many times. They've claimed to be exhausted, spent or just not interested any more. But they've all returned. Everyone returns. Even Jamie Krenshaw, a man with so much more going for him than those previously mentioned... even he returns.
But he returned accidentally. At least, that's what he tells himself. I was drunk, he says. I had no idea what I was doing!!! he cries out with the forced passion of a thousand porno actors.
But Jamie Krenshaw is a big fucking liar.
Even if he was drunk, or drugged, or both, he knew exactly what he was doing. Somewhere within the "Mat Maverick", buried deep inside with his morals and ability to trust was that burning feeling. That niggling need. The desire to be in the spotlight again.
You see, outside of the ring, when he's away from wrestling, Jamie Krenshaw is every bit the introvert. His charisma lies dormant, hidden behind drawn curtains and drowned out by the sound of psychedelic tunes from a time when it seems life wasn't so hard. Reality, for Mr. Krenshaw, is far too real. Which is why wrestling originally appealed to him. He saw it one Saturday morning in all its glory. This crazy circus of violence and treachery. And he saw the potential for himself. He trained, he practiced, he learnt. Then he wrestled. And he won. And he, for the first time, felt happy.
It was as if he'd stepped out of reality and into a cartoon. Hanging around Big Time Wrestling, you had a homeless guy trying to beat others with a trash can. You had a guy that called himself "the womb raider" and finished his matches by kicking people in the balls. And lastly, you had "The Australian Dream" Jamie Krenshaw. A brash, loud mouthed punk. None of this was real. None of it even came close. That was the reason it worked. That was the reason it felt good. Sure, there were injustices and crimes, just like in the real world. But no one got away with it. In wrestling, everyone is just a chair shot away from getting what they deserve. And on the flip side of the coin, everyone is just a chair shot away from redemption.
In wrestling, everything is simple. There's no subtlety in a tilt-a-whirl slam. There's no hidden message behind a boot to the face. Simplicity is what the real world lacks. And simplicity is what Jamie Krenshaw NEEDS to feel at peace.
At least, that's my opinion. But hey, I'm just a narrator, and Jamie Krenshaw claims that his being in DCW is all a huge mistake. He says he couldn't care less about the fed or winning titles or any of that rubbish.
But as I said earlier, Jamie Krenshaw is a big fucking liar.
"The Virtuoso of Violence" Jamie Krenshaw. His beautiful face takes up nearly the entire screen. All over the world, women hug their televisions and pleasure themselves with various fruits. Meanwhile, Jamie stares apathetically.
JAMIE: Apparently the top brass of the DCW didn't like the apathetic approach I took with my debut. Hence, they deem it necessary for a narrator to accompany me during my various interviews and promotional adventures. That's fine. As long as YOU, the viewing public acknowledge the fact that HE is the liar and not me. Honestly, if any of you believe that I could be so cold and malicious as to be UNTRUTHFUL to my fans, well... I'm disappointed. More than disappointed. Suicidal. Which is why I am going to end my own life right now.
Camera pans back to reveal Jamie standing on a railway track. The low sound of a distant train can be heard.
JAMIE: I want you to know that this is all your fault, fans. For not believing in me. It is you who inspire me, and if I do not bring out your complete confidence, then I, in turn, can not be confident. For my first match in DCW, all I needed was some confidence, but NO. You had to be convinced by that character developing narrator that I'm deep and stuff. You had to believe that I'd betrayed you, when in all actuality, it is you who have now betrayed me. Now I've got less self-belief than an invisible Jesus trying to see his reflection in a mirror!
The sound of the train is slowly gaining volume. In the distance, the headlights of the bustling machine are visible. Jamie doesn't move.
JAMIE: All I needed was confidence to defeat Kingpin. But you "fans", daring of you to call yourselves that, stripped it away from me. Now I'm afraid. AFRAID. I'm petrified of the giant man and his "monoploy". Does he plan to give me MONO?!?! I don't want it!
The lights are clearly in view now. The train is approaching. Jamie Krenshaw is about to die and it's all your fault.
JAMIE: On top of his monoploys, I have to deal with his cronies. Adam Young! A man who was robbed of his spot in the TWF Hall of Fame! Eno Redrum! A man whose name spells murdeR onE backwards! How can I go up against these amazing foes without confidence? Oh no, fans. You've taken the one thing that made me special. Now I'm as bland and boring as The Ambassador's revolution. And now, I'm going to die.
Jamie crosses himself.
JAMIE: Goodbye, cruel fans.
The train approaches. It nears. It hits.
And Jamie stays standing. Smiling. He was standing in front of a projection screen the whole time.
JAMIE: You remember that footage that ran on TV so many years ago? The train approaching? People sat frightened in front of their television sets and eventually ran away, sure that the train was going to come bursting through the screen to kill them all. That train is Kingpin. He's big and imposing and all that. But I'm Jamie fucking Krenshaw. I'm on a side of the screen that he will NEVER get to. And that's why it doesn't matter one fucking bit whether you jerkbag fans believe in me.
Jamie grins his trademark cocky grin.
JAMIE: Ppfft. Kingpin? Who the fuck is that?
Fade to black.
JAMIE KRENSHAW
First he'll hurt your feelings,
then he'll hurt your face.