Haikus (02-5-03)

EFFECTS OF DRUG USE

Smoke beer and drink dope
It will not brain your affect
Egamad Tnenamrep

PANTLESS

I’m not wearing pants
And I’m walking down the street
Getting weird looks

UNWANTED

You had sex with me
She says, holding a baby
I just run away

FUNFUN

Liquored up and numb
Not a thing can hurt me now
Dumber by the drink

CLERICS

Exploiting beliefs
To make millions of dollars
You all make me sick

LETTER

Dear Richard Kelly
You have warped my fragile mind
Brain is turned to mush

HISTORY TEACHER

So knowledgeable
Can you transfer it to me?
‘Cause, it is your JOB

LISP

Thpeaking with a lithp
Maketh people look at me thtrange
I thwear I’m normal

TARNI

She’s a lot like beer
If I’m with her long enough
I’ll prob’ly get fucked

STUPID OPINION

There’s sand in my shoes
There’s sound all around you, arab!
Oh yeah, you’re right

I’M SICK

Sex with a midget
Hard, but not impossible
And VERY worthwile

CAPTIVE

Purdy prisoner
Locked alone in my basement
No one can save you

REMORSE

Everlasting love
I keep her with body with me
Wish I could go back

ANONYMITY

My A.A meetings
Are full of drunks and losers
I’m no different

STUPID HISTORY

Failing history
The teacher fucking hates me
I reciprocate

SARS

SARS is not funny
Angry e-mails tell me so
Victims confirm it

POP

Death to pop music
I wish pain on all pop stars
‘Cause they’ve hurt my ears

PENIS

My phallic member
Now looks like a lollipop
Will someone suck it?

ACCIDENT

Jagged chards of glass
Tear my eye sockets to hell
Blind car crash victim

JAKE

Jake Gyllenhaal
Alias: Donnie Darko
Loves to smoke the dope

AMERICAN OPINION

Slaughtered some Frenchmen
The Yanks didn’t seem to mind
Rampant racism

TRAM GIRL

She is damn sexy
Reading her book on the tram
Wish I could fuck her

TABLET

Trip around the world
All it takes is one tablet
The time of your life

SUCKS TO BE YOU

I’d hate to be you
Suffering from your disease
Hope your death is quick

SICKBOY

Do not cough on me
I don’t want to catch your SARS
Diseased fucking freak!

KARMA

When I meet Karma
I’m going to be destroyed
Enjoy life ‘til then

WRITER

I just want to write
So I don’t do my homework
Fail all my classes

IMPRESSIVE?

You fail to impress
With your silly mating dance
I’ll pick someone else

STENCH

I smell like Vodka
I swear to you I’m not drunk
Switch “not” with “very”

SMACK-O

Found some heroin
Cooked it and injected it
Never felt so good

SITE

My writing website
Is a window to my mind
Scary things in there

ALL POWERFUL

Manufactured death
But who manufactures it?
Whoever’s in charge

E-BAY

Bough some stranger’s kid
For twenty bucks on E-Bay
Sell him for fifty

SWEET STATUTORY

Statutory rape
My father is guilty of
Wonder why I’m weird?

BELOVED

Toni Morrison
I have to read her novel
It’s fucking boring

MUSHIES

The magic mushrooms
Took me to the moon and back
Without moving once