Corbin's Plea.

A man named Corbin is standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. The floor is composed completely of clouds. Ahead of Corbin, St. Peter proudly sits behind a podium with a giant Book Of Life. He is reading it with a look of shock and utter disdain on his old yet timeless face. Slowly he looks to Corbin who stands confidently with a smile on his lips.

ST. PETER: Corbin. You're giant Book Of Life is quite a frightening read. So many sins committed. Do you realise you have participated in so many wretched acts?

CORBIN: Yes.

ST. PETER: Have you any idea the amount of sins you have committed in your short stay on God's planet Earth?

Corbin, a 34 year old guitar player whom died of a heroin overdose live on stage at a bar, shakes his head.

CORBIN: I have no idea. Sorry. They all just seem to blur together when you stop having morals.

ST. PETER: Okay. Let me list some for you. Just to highlight the absolute disdain you have treated your holy Lord & Saviour, our God, with.

Corbin shrugs.

CORBIN: Whatever.

St. Peter takes a deep breath, obviously angry but trying to calm himself.

ST. PETER: When you were three months old you stole a retarded child's toy phone and beat him over the head with it until his crying became so uncontrollable that all care-workers at the Creche had to attend to him. Whilst they were distracted, you used this as an oppurtunity to start a revolution with the other kids and got all of them to take off their nappies and throw them at the care-workers. Then you proceeded to encourage them all to defecate on the floor.

CORBIN: Uh-huh.

Corbin's nonchalant attitude frustrates St. Peter.

ST. PETER: And then at age 8 you gave a beggar two dollars in exchange for a dance.

CORBIN: A dance?

ST. PETER: Yes. You made him dance a one-man Nutbush in the middle of peak traffic. He was hit by several cars, but not killed. He lost all use of his limbs, his breathing was affected and eventually after months of attempted recovery, his body finally gave out on him. A most painful of deaths. Now, technically one could argue that the drivers of the vehicles are to be blamed for his death...

CORBIN: One could.

ST. PETER: But I am not "one". I have the wisdom of many and I, in my infinite infallible intelligence deem that it is YOU who was responsible!

CORBIN: Okay. I'll wear that.

St. Peter scowls at Corbin's complete lack of remorse. Trying to shock him into repentance, Peter finds a new sin

ST. PETER: In High School you continually teased a boy one year your junior. He had braces, so you called him (takes a breath) "Metal Teeth Fuckface".

CORBIN: (nodding) I did.

ST. PETER: Your jibes got to srude and offensive that he refused to go to school.

CORBIN: I don't remember.

ST. PETER: No. No one remembered. No one noticed. That boy went insane due to your teasing and felt so disattached that he founded a cult for others like him. He led more than two-hundred people in a mass suicide.

CORBIN: Really?

ST. PETER: Yes. They still to this day are the only cult that have killed themselves by mass catapult.

CORBIN: And you blame me for this?

ST. PETER: Indeed I do. And I could go on and on through your life with further examples but that would merely be a waste of my heavenly time. So, I will just refer to one more sin. Your final sin. The way you died.

CORBIN: Yeah?

ST. PETER: As a famous rock star you had a huge fan base of adoring young teenagers. People that looked up to you as a role model. So how do you think it affected these young people's lives when you took the stage zoned out on Heroin, with the needle STILL IN YOUR ARM, and suddenly dropped dead. How do you think it affected these people to see their role model die in front of them?

Corbin shrugs again.

CORBIN: Must've been a bummer. Blowing all that money on a show without any songs.

This is too much for St. Peter. He is infuriated.

ST. PETER: You took the most depressed demographic in the world and gave them even more reason to be suicidal! You've done irreprable damage. What is your excuse for all these sins? How can you possibly believe you deserve to go to Heaven?

CORBIN: Simple. None of those sins were my fault. They are not my responsibility and thus shouldn't hinder my chances of getting in.

St. Peter rolls his eyes.

ST. PETER: Oh, don't tell me you're pleading insanity. It didn't work for Timothy McVeigh and it won't work for you.

CORBIN: I'm not pleading insanity. Merely that my actions are not my responsibility.

ST. PETER: Then whose responsibility are they?

CORBIN: God's.

ST. PETER: (shocked) God's?

CORBIN: Uh-huh. He is the one to blame for all of my sins. Really, he's to blame for all sins ever committed by anyone. Hitler, Stalin, Sharon, Duchovny - all of them were not products of evil, but products of God. He created us, our minds, our souls, our biology - yet when his workings go wrong and we sin, it's suddenly our fault? It's ridiculous!

St. Peter remains shocked by the allegations.

ST. PETER: This is a very serious accusation you are putting forth.

CORBIN: It's not an accusation, it's the truth! If God created us, then why is he blameless when we sin? If a man starts a fire, he's charged with arson. If a country starts a war, they're faced with the repurcussions... sometimes. When a problem arises from something you created, it is the creator's fault, not the creation.

ST. PETER: Ah, but God created you with free will.

CORBIN: If I created a robot and programmed "free will" into it and it killed someone, would the robot go to jail or would I go to jail for creating it? If I unleashed a virus that killed millions, would the virus be persecuted or would I? Plus, our free will is still controlled by our DNA, which God first programmed into our ancestors. In the end, it all comes down to God. He created us in his "perfect" image, but obviously he's not so perfect because if you'll look at the world and the people inhabiting it right now, it ain't exactly peachy-keen peace time. It's a place fueled by hatred and bigotry. Don't get me wrong, the world is full of love too, but love isn't enough to stop people sniping others as they fill their petrol tanks. It isn't enough to convince all countries that there is no need to build bigger weapons. It isn't enough to stop all the war and agony that goes on day after day. St. Peter, if God created us in his image, then his mirror must be a scary place.

St. Peter is speechless. All of his ideals have been attacked savagely by this young man. He thinks over his decision long and hard, seriously reconsidering where he stands on every issue he's ever encountered. Corbin stands smugly, convinced he has proven his point. After a long while, St. Peter concludes:

ST. PETER: Plea denied. Eternity in the seering pain of hellfire for you. Good day!

St. Peter presses a button on his podium and the clouds part under Corbin. He is shocked, but hardly has time to process the decision before falling through and crashing down to hell.