Angel.

All around us is the constant sound of rain slapping water, concrete, bins – whatever gets in its way. Clouds block the night sky and what is above us is just a starless black nothing. Lying on the wet concrete, looking up, the only source of light around us is the 7-11 across the street. We’re not allowed to be there or Sanjeev, the clerk, says he’ll call the police. So we have to go here, where it’s darker, and where we’re rained on. It’s not the first night we’ve spent like this, Angel and I. In fact, we’ve spent so many nights like this now they all blur together. When you’ve been doing this long enough, everything seems to blur. As you look up at the sky, being showered with precipitation, you don’t have to try too hard to convince yourself that it’s the rain in your eyes that is causing the blurring.

I can remember remembering a time when I wasn’t like this. When I may or may not have been happy. I think I lived with my mum, and when it was raining I had a roof to save me from getting wet.

As I’m looking up, Angel is in my line of view and when she’s taking off my belt she looks as beautiful as she ever has, I think. It was her who got us the hit. She just had a chat with a guy who was hanging out in a bushy area out of the flats. A chat is what she called it and if I don’t want to lose my mind I have to believe her. Her blonde hair is soaked as is the rest of her body. She’s shivering with what might be cold but with what’s probably need. And with my belt she’s strapping my arm.

I remember remembering the first time Angel and I met. It was a party in Richmond, I think, and I hear we got along from the start. I took her number and she took my heart.

I’m soaked and shivering too. I remember remembering not needing this. Now I can’t remember how I lived without it. What Angel got, she had the guy cook up for us. And put it in the needle. Out in the rain, we didn’t want to risk wasting anything. It was better to have it pre-packaged anyway. Less fuss. Now and days, anything stressful is much too much to cope with. And as Angel taps and tests it all out, I close my eyes and imagine I’m anywhere but where I am.

I remember remembering that I fell in love with Angel’s eyes. They always communicated so much about her and I always was drawn to them. For a while we were inseparable and all our time together was enough. Then she cheated on me.

With the needle pin-pricking inside of me, I know everything will be different soon. Escapism. If I just wait for serenity to flow within my veins, everything will be fine. When the needle withdraws, I know the warm is coming soon and I gently open my eyes and look at Angel. Her wings are spread and she’s not even watching me, but I’m thankful for her presence. I love you, I say, but nothing comes out.

I remember remembering the most pain I’d ever been in. The heartache I felt while Angel told me what she’d done, I think. Nothing was clear and all was chaos and all I knew was that I was livid, so when she apologized and implored me not to leave, I said Fuck You and walked away.

Angel gets a second needle full of dope out of her jacket, and with the steaming soup melting within me, I’m too lost to give too much thought into just how much chatting she must have done to land us this score. Don’t go out on me, she says, and I can barely hear her with all the rain. You’ve gotta do me, she says, smiling. At least the closest thing to a smile I’ve seen in months.

There was another girl, I remember, I think. I walked away from Angel and straight into the arms of a new person. Partly out of revenge, partly out of need - I was with someone else and I made sure Angel knew about it. I needed her to be jealous. I needed her to need me as much as I needed her.

I’m trying to sit up, but it’s hard. Each time I try, I begin to convince myself that there’s no point getting up. No reason. And I go to lie back again. But each time as I do, I get a glimpse of Angel and am drawn up again. Eventually, I’m sitting, without really knowing how I got there and Angel hands me the needle and the belt that was once around my arm once around my waste. Strap me up darling, she says and maybe the rain is blurring my eyes, but I’m sure she’s smiling. Her reflected warmth picks me up and now we’re as together as we’ve ever been. I roll up her sleeve as she eases back and I begin strapping her in for the ride.

I remember remembering fights with Angel all the time. She hated my new girl and I hated her fling with that guy. We were apart by choice, yet couldn’t stand each other being with someone else. Compared to us, everything else was a lie. And with my new girl, I knew it. I was torn between feelings. Angel was bad to me. I needed Angel. I hit my new girl, and went out of control.

As I check the needle and caress my hand over Angel’s naked wet arm, even with all the rain I can see Angel’s eyes and they’re looking up at me and they’re beautiful and they’re pleading and I insert the needle.

I think the girl disappeared or ran away or whatever. I remember remembering turning up at Angel’s flat. I remember remembering her taking me in with open arms.

I throw away the second needle after its emptied and lay beside Angel. And for a moment in the projected light of the 7-11, we are hand in hand and are letting the rain pour over us. We should be cold, but instead we are warm. And as I’m looking at the cloud-blacked sky, everything is fine, I think, and somewhere behind all that cloud the stars are shining. With the warmth now spread through me I look to my Angel. And I’m suddenly cold when I see her blue eyes.

I remember remembering clutching Angel when we got back together. The tightest embrace that I’ve ever known. And as we spun about the room, firmly connected, I can clearly remember her words. It’s going to be fine. You’re with me now.