Alcohol Island.

The terms “noun”, “adverb”, “conjunction” and all the rest of the Evil Eight have become foreign to me as our once happy island was separated by a terrible earthquake of apathy towards learning. Since then, the islands have feuded constantly. Some days I’d need to get to Grammar Island to get some good marks, but getting there was tough. Constantly wavy waters of social life flooded over the sand of education and often this would mean I’d never make it to Grammar Island to get my marks. Instead I was left on Alcohol Island without grammar, hence the lack of properly structured sentences and an often incomprehensible style of speaking.

However, I have now braved the rough waters and stand proudly on the shores of Grammar Island. I’m hoping to find the Evil Eight and organize a giant feast with them. We can have a hut and tables and Chicken Parmigiana and reminisce about old times when we lived together and played Didgeridoo to be ironic. Then, when we’ve eaten all our chicken, I will unleash the surprise on them.

“Haha!” I’ll say and leap atop a table like a mountain cat. The Eight will eye me oddly for a time before I continue my sentence. “I didn’t invite you here to eat with you. I invited you here to eat you.” And then they’ll all be afraid and panicked and they’ll scurry like protestors when the union busters come in.

“Noun and Pronoun” will run together and you can bet that “Verb” will be nearby. “Conjunction” will probably join them, but it’s of no relevance because the first one I’ll chase will be “Interjection”.

“No!” he’ll scream but his exclamations will be pointless as I’ll eat him anyway. “Adjective” will show some bravado and stop to call me an evil man. Then he’ll be eaten. I will move as quickly as “Adverb” describes before devouring him and, as this is being done, “Preposition will join the group as they put more distance between themselves and I.

Though, I’ll move with as much speed as a dealer on his way to a rave and soon I will catch up to them. Slowly I’ll herd them until they are all backed up against a wall. Then I’ll eat them one by one.

“Preposition” will do the honourable thing and volunteer to be eaten first.

And when I’m finished I will go back to Alcohol Island with a smile tattooed on my face because for the rest of my life I will have the Evil Eight with me and perhaps I’ll be able to speak again instead of having to write everything to communicate.