6.

My back was damp and my body cold when I arose. How I’d fallen asleep, I had no idea. A soft stream of notes drifted through the morning air. Katya sat, quietly playing her guitar a few metres away. The dewy grass had been my bed for the night, apparently. Remaining still for a moment, I attempted to extract some memory from the time leading up to my sleeping, though it was in vain. The world had seemingly stopped as soon as I’d kissed Katya and resumed at the moment of my waking. Slightly tired and weirded out, I contemplated asking her for answers but my mind quickly assured me of the strangeness such a question would reveal. I’ll figure it out later. I thought, and sat up gingerly. Katya’s head tilted and turned slightly, acknowledging my movement.

“Good sleep?” she grinned, already knowing the answer, probably.

“Wet sleep.” I replied, shivering as my shirt clung tightly to my skin.

I felt much more comfortable in her presence now than I had. Her acceptance of my kiss had relieved a tension that had nagged constantly since our very first exchange. I knew now that at the very least, she liked me. That wisdom eased my demeanor.

“We’re going to have to get walking soon.” Katya’s words as she looked behind her in the direction we’d come from. Walking? I was stupidly surprised. I hadn’t really stopped to think about how we’d get back to the city once Katya’s car had raced to its liquid tomb. It only dawned on me now that we would have to walk. Strangely, this notion wasn’t of any concern. I was actually relishing the chance to spend more time with this girl.

“Yeah,” I said typically, “I’ll carry the amp, you carry the guitar.”

The morning became day quickly and imperceptibly. The shirt I was wearing dried gradually, becoming less of a nuisance as it did so. The amp wasn’t as heavy as I’d imagined it would be, so I walked along the side of the road with Katya quite easily, able to focus on other things. The road stretched out like a never-ending python ahead of us. It probably would have been threatening if it wasn’t the furthest thing from my mind.

“I guess you’re wondering why I did what I did?” For the first time since it happened, Katya referred to the prior night’s occurrence verbally. I wondered if she regretted the incident or if she was just trying to gauge my reaction, to reaffirm that I had feelings for her. I felt like I should be honest.

“Well, it did take me by surprise. I’m not used to seeing people destroy such expensive things.” I answered. Katya shoe-gazed for a moment, perhaps considering the magnitude of her actions.

“It’s just,” she started, “it was a gift from Dad and, I don’t know,” she paused, “it was just a constant reminder of him. It was like it was his way of monitoring me. His way of maintaining me as some kind of possession. The thought of him thinking I may need him or respect him is completely sickening to me.” Her seething words had been building themselves up for ages, I could tell. This was the beginning of a tangent she’d wanted to vent for possibly months. It was in the way she was speaking. I knew this because I had plenty of my own tangents tucked away for later venting and the tone they created was instantly recognizable.

“On the top of that hill, it all just came to a head. I couldn’t bear to look at the thing any more. Can you understand?” It became apparent that Katya desperately wanted me to accept her explanation. The thought of her appearing crazy in my eyes seemed to be playing on her mind and worrying her greatly. My mind, however, was on my own father. Katya’s odium towards the car reminded me of the way I’d been feeling in regards to him lately. Just the sight of him was enough to bring up the most intense hatred I’d ever felt, and so I did understand. In fact, I wondered how Katya could have bared to drive the Merc for as long as she had.

“I understand.” I confirmed and let a silence unfold for a few moments before biting the bullet and inquiring further into her reasoning. “I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but… what exactly is it that your father did?” My question was like a hurdle separating two long flat tracks of silence as Katya neglected to answer, instead eyeing out sideways in the direction opposite me. I felt obliged to continue. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I know that some things are too personal to share. I was just interested. I like hearing about you.”

We kept walking, seemingly getting nowhere. The landscape ahead of us just stretched on infinitely. The taciturn nature of the voyage was beginning to make me uncomfortable and frustrated. I wasn’t annoyed at Katya for her privacy. I just hated having to get to know her in stages. I wanted it all now. I wanted to devour her mind and memories and feelings and know everything about her. She was a human puzzle and I had only been allowed access to a few of the pieces. After what seemed like a hushed eternity, another hurdle of noise manifested, this time coming from Katya.

“He cheated on my mother.”

The words took a while to settle themselves and register. Once they had, they resonated with meaning. Bigamy was something I hated anyway, my ideas of relationships being slightly old-fashioned, but the thought of someone I cared for being subjected to their father doing that to their mother infuriated me. Just as I was about to respond, Katya continued.

“With my aunty.”

Katya’s eyes were fixed on the ground, focused, as if looking up at her vast surroundings would allow her mind to run away with its demon memories. If my hands weren’t reserved by the amp, I would have put an arm around her.

“I was ten and my mother had to explain to me why my father had gone away. She lied to me for years.” Katya’s voice lessened in volume and became slightly choked up. “It wasn’t until my thirteenth birthday party that I overheard my mother and grandmother talking about it and I found out what really happened.” Tears were evident in the way she was speaking, though I couldn’t see them. I wasn’t sure whether a response was necessary or wanted, but the sound of Katya’s timid whimpers made it impossible for me to remain hushed.

“And you’re dad and aunty are still together?” I asked ascetically.

“No.” Katya’s answer came back firmly, though soundly defeated. “That’s the worst thing about all of this. He left us completely alone. Mum almost had a breakdown. She barely spoke and couldn’t eat. I pretty much had to take care of her for years, until he came back.” Her words unfolded a tale with a conclusion I could sadly see coming. “He just waltzed back into our lives with false regret and apologies, and mum accepted it. She took him back.” A silence as long as the road ahead of us stretched itself and for the first time walking began to hurt. The amp seemed to have unnoticeably gained weight and my legs had suddenly decided they were tired. Katya continued along, immersed in her own world until I eased the amp down and grabbed her softly by the shoulder.

“Can we just stop for a sec?”

Katya and I both sat atop the amp as she continued her story. Her father, once taken back, had settled in as if nothing ever happened. This was too much for her to take and she lost the plot for a while. She started drinking heavily and smoking pot every day. She went to random parties and met random people. Her parents tried to calm her in various ways; talking to her, buying her stuff, leaving her to her own devices. Nothing worked. The one thing Katya wanted was the one thing her mother refused. It all came down to one final argument. Katya put forward the ultimatum: either her dad went or she did. That night Katya slept at a friend’s house and by the next week she was staying in a house that her parents rented for her. She hated the fact that they were paying her way but it was the only option that gave her a roof over head without them around. Since then she’d finished school and worked fairly dilligently in the hope that one day she’d have enough money to let her own place and be completely free of them.

“I just wish mum wasn’t so weak. He turned her into a shell of herself and now she can’t get by without him.” Katya’s head rested on my shoulder as she mused, just letting her thoughts roll out of her mind and into the air. “I hate him and I hate her for loving him.”

I sat silently listening, Katya’s story bringing me to my own. I sat thinking about my parents whilst detesting hers for what they had done. Then, a noise from down the road. I turned my head slightly to see a van approaching. Without regard for what I was doing, I stuck my hand out to hail it. I urged with all my energy for that van to stop, the notion of walking now suddenly an unpleasant one. The vehicle kept moving however, apparently oblivious to my urges. I closed my eyes and tensed up, imploring with everything I had, as if it was a matter of life and death.

The sound of screeching tires opened my eyes. After unwinding the passenger side window, a man in his forties with an honest looking face politely asked us if we’d like a lift. I glanced at Katya and saw her nod. In turn, I smiled appreciatively to the driver and accepted.

“All righty. Just chuck your stuff in the back and we’ll get going.” He replied.

I helped Katya to her feet and put her gear in the van. Then, just as I was about to get in, she stopped me with a long, tight hug. I returned the gesture, squeezing her warmly and longly, comforted by the thought that I was making her comfortable.