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New courses at COSTATT for 2004

Due to the massive influx of Afro-Trinidadian students, between 17 and 24 years of age, being admitted into COSTATT, the management has decided to revise the course curriculum to better appeal to these negroes. Based on feedback from places which are crowded with Afros, like the prisons, the URP, Jamaat and cesspit cleaning companies, the management has removed the standard course offerings like computer science and engineering, and replaced them with marketable skills which these blacks need to survive.

- How to cram 100 zabocas and 200 julie mangoes in one small crocus bag
- How to hold the said crocus bag and scale a 10 foot fence with barbed wire without being injured
- How to scale a coconut tree in 20 seconds flat
- How to pick all the coconuts in a tree without making a sound
- How to grab a hand of fig from 2 metres away
- How to escape guard dogs with crocus bag intact
- Goats and Sheep: Gone in 60 Seconds

- How to disconnect a computer in 20 seconds flat
- How to tell the difference between a TV, computer monitor and a microwave
- How to tell the difference between a keyboard and a telephone
- How to fit a computer tower or desktop in a crocus bag half its size
- How to fit the said crocus bag in your crotch space
- How to negotiate for more than a weed for a computer

- How to unscrew 4 hubcaps and jump in a taxi in under 20 seconds
- How to enter a car through the triangle back window
- How to disconnect a deck and equalizer in under 20 seconds
- Introduction to B13 sentras with tint and "pong"
- How to drive with the front seat reclined down to the back seat floormat
- How to pack 20 "hizzoes" in the backseat, and 40 in the trunk
- How to drive like you just stole the car

- How to cut a lock using your teeth
- How to navigate Shoe Locker in the dark
- How to tell the difference between a Bata Bullet and the newest Nike, in the dark
- How to crawl through air ducts without making noise
- How to fit a cash register through a small window

- How to identify the right Indian to kidnap
- How to choose the best classmates for your kidnapping squad
- How to calculate a ransom figure which is not idiotically high
- How to terrorise your Indian victim properly
- How to divide the ransom money in your squad without robbing yourself

- How to choose between an Indian and a gorilla to become the next Prime Minister
- How to flash your PNM party card to get a job
- How to not look dotish at a post-cabinet meeting
- How to mash up a country in 7 days
- Introduction to maxi touting
- How to give change for a $1 without robbing yourself

Since certificates, diplomas and degrees are useless in today's corruption-free society, students, upon successful completion of any 6 courses (i.e not thief the equipment, rob the other students or beat the teachers), will be given PNM party cards which shall ensure their employment at any state/black-owned enterprise. These courses also prepare the students to become self-employed by helping themselves to the many Indian riches which lie waiting for their large empty hands.

In light of the recent complaint made by Indian students (that the curriculum is lacking in courses for them), we have now started offering courses for Indo-Trinidadian students :

- How to work hard to support the criminals of society
- How to take shit from the government with a smile
- How to be a model kidnapping victim
- Getting Murdered... It's not the end of the world
- How to empty your cash register for the bandit in 20 seconds
- Migration And You... We don't want you here if we have already robbed you of everything