Once upon a time, it was a rainy day in Gotham City. Batman was taking a nice warm bubble bath, while Robin was sweeping the floor. Just then he saw the bat signal out the window, but for some reason it looked like someone had put bunny ears on it.
“Robin!” he shouted, grabbing a bath robe, “I have been disgraced!” Robin shrugged and continued to sweep. The clock struck noon, and Robin turned Batman, “ I gotta git home cause Pa’ is makin’ possum steew t’night...gotta help ‘im catch them critters.” Batman nodded, and Robin grabbed his cape and left.
About eleven minutes later, Batman was done with his bath and put on his trusty latex outfit...when the phone rang.
“Hello?” said Batman.
“Batman! Batman! Evil man rob my Chinese food restaurant!”
“I’ll be right there!”
Batman hopped in his Bat-mobile and started to drive at full speed to Chang’s Tasty Traditional Chinese Feast. Looking at the date on the callendar, he realized it was Christmas Eve. He soon pulled up in front of the store, there was glass all over the entrance. Inside he saw Mr. Chang huddled over a box of rice, weeping.
“He take all my money! All of it! My wife, Ching-Chong, and my children Li-Li-Ho and Fung-Dong-Hong will be so sad!”
“Don’t worry Mr. Chang,” said Batman determinedly, “I’ll cat this villian.”
Batman got back into his Bat-Mobile and sped down the street. “Now who would do something like this on Christmas Eve?” he pondered.
He suddenly realized that he had forgotten Robin. Batman picked Robin up, who was scooping up road kill on the side of the freeway.
“Howdy there, Batman! Wut kin I do ya fer?” Robin questioned.
“Mr. Chang has been robbed, we must find the assailant,” Batman announced in a stern voice.
“Mizter Chang? Why, he my best cus-to-mer for dog wit tire-mark! N’ rabbit wit flat hed, too.” Together, they dashed down the street to Jo-Ann’s Fabrics to get materials to make a net for catching the bad guy.
“Lookie! Lookie, Batman! They gots a purty one wit sparklies!” Robin shouted excitedly.
“Robin, I don’t think that bad guy will be scared of sparkles...let’s get this black fabric.”
“Oh ok...yer dern goth,” Robin said, a little disheartened. Then, with some safety pins, they made a mighty fine net.
Jo-Ann, the head clerk of the store said, “ You fellas lookin’ to catch the bandit who robbed Mr. Chang’s?”
Batman lit up, “You know who he is?”
“Why, sure!” she said. “It’s that plump fella who works one night a year...I saw him running out of there this morning walking back from buying my britches...he had a bag with a $ sign...didn’t want to say anything cause I don’t want anything to do with it.”
Batman started to interigate her, “Do you know where he is now?”
“Nope, but check all the Chinese places.” They thanked Jo-Ann, and they left with Robin saying “Let’s git ‘im!”
As they drove around town, they noticed that all the Chinese places were broken into...except for one (Enter dramatic music here). Batman then said intelligently, “Let’s set up the net! He’ll be here soon...I just know it.” They set up the black net in front of the register, then waited. Three hours later, they heard a jingle at the front from the closet they were hiding in. They ran to the register to see who the robber was. Robin recognized who it was right away (Enter more dramatic music here).
“Why, it’s Sannie Claus!”
“And look Robin...it’s Jafar from Aladdin!” Batman added. Mr. Chang, who was apparently spying on Batman ran up and said, “You catch bad man! Wait!...” he said seeing Jafar, ”You a cartoon! You can’t be in this story!”
“Oh yeah,” said Jafar, and he dissapeared.
“Sannie!” said Robin, “Ya lost yer way!..Yer suppose’ ta be deliverin’ goodies to all them kiddies!”
Santa glared at Robin, and shouted, “I’m not Santa! I’m his brother, Commie Santa!” (Enter gasps here from the audience).
“He’s right!” said Batman, “His suit’s all red! There’s no white trim!”
Commie Santa bragged, “ I tied up the real Santa...and his reindeer too! They’re all in a back room of a cantina in Mexico.”
“Okay, Commie Santa, you can’t ruin Christmas this year,” Batman declared.
“Aww,” said Commie Santa in a depressed tone. Robin stepped in, “ Yeaaa...ya gotta give Mister Chang his muney back, too...and let the real Sannie free!”
Commie Santa sighed and said, “Fine...can I at least spend Christmas with you guys? I don’t think Nick will want to spend it with me..plus he’s got work, you know...I’ll bring my famous German strudle...,” Commie Santa said, trying to bribe them. Robin and Batman exchanged looks and said in unison, “deal.”
They got Commie Santa out of the net, and together the three of them first freed the real Santa, then returned Mr. Chang’s money. Out of delight Mr. Change bought them all Christmas presents, and invited himself and his family to spend Christmas with Batman, Robin, and Commie Santa. Later they gathered at Robin’s family’s trailer to feast on possum stew and Commie Santa’s German strudle. Next, they huddled around the Christmas tree to open gifts. As Mr. Chang passed out gifts, he noticed a extra hand extended to receive a gift. Looking up, he saw Jafar.
“You still cartoon! You no can be in this story!” Mr. Chang hissed.
“Oh yeah,” said Jafar, frowning as he vanished once again.
They opened all their presents from Mr. Chang, seeing they all got the same thing: Japanese finger traps. Batman put his on right away, and the others copied. They are still stuck like that today.
The End (Enter applause here).