The Ron Moore Phenomenon - Harvest, Alabama
The Ron Moore Phenomenon...
17 April 2005
Ron Moore's Remodeling Rampage
Ron thought it was time shake things up a bit with some remodeling. He wanted to get a giant medieval castle bed that was carved out of a solid block of 600 year old redwood and inlaid with leather. But as Ron Moore deserves a majestic leather-inlaid bed as a personal reward for being selflessly phenominal, he deemed there were more important things. For years, he had put up with a 3 sqft shower. Finally, he would be able to he meticulously planned out exactly what he wanted regarding the extension of the shower, the tiling, the ceiling--everything. Now to find a contractor that will meet the Phenomenon Standard, or at least die trying. One can only ask so much from the mediocre masses.
Of course, in the meantime Ron was forced to inhabit an incomplete bathroom, since he had already begun the demolition. But even walking on cold concrete every day didn't stop him from belting out a flawless Ron Moore Phenomenon™ Solo® in the choir's Easter program, bringing the whole congregation to their feet yet still choosing to swathe himself in inhuman humility. See it for yourself! (4.5 MB)
Also in Ron news, Ron made a discovery at Cheeburger Cheeburger on Sunday. Though he will not touch a hushpuppy, and certainly not a Greenbrier Restaurant hushpuppy, he has taken a liking to Cheeburger's onion rings. The Dairy Queen Small Clique requires an affinity for fried foods. They are heavy believers in "anointing with oil." Yet however greasy the meals or oily the appetizers, Ron gracefully dines with his friends, even as their chicken strips float in a small sea of ketchup. All the while he eats peacefully, taking note of the nearest Automated Electronic Defibrilator and ready at a moment's notice to perform CPR just in case. But while Ron does get onion rings on occation at the DQ, he found the Cheeburger rings particularly satisfying. Maybe it was their delicate structure. Maybe it was the thin layer of breading. Whatever the reason, the result was a blend of flavor and texture so appealing, so phenomenal, as to push the haunting image of his arteries hardening, even as he chewed, completely out of his mind. Now that Ron Moore has thrown cholesterol to the wind, maybe his friends can drag him down to Greenbrier without risking injury. Of course, now that he's learned the belly-breathing technique to remedy side-stitches, he could very easily run away, his long legs giving him a good three-quarters of a mile lead on even the fastest sprinter of the stature-stunted group. Maybe they should try making him a ketchup junkie first.