considerate
i still havent love him 100%?but i always think on behalf of him.instead of myself.maybe i love myself only 20 % then.everything we do,i think of him first ,what he likes,what he did b4,what he would like to do next,what will make him feel better,is he alrite?,will he be spending too much?,will he feel better if i say that?how can i discuss these with him,is he having enuff space to put his things,to study,is he happy?is he cold?does he need help in ironing,does he wan a coffee,is he hungry?,does he wan companion?will he have enuff sleep?will i bother him if i worrying ?how can i improve myself to make him happy?does he have anything keeping in his heart?why did he get angry ?why is he having bad mood?actually i like to see ppl smiling n laughing.really wish he always do so.

thinking too much..
I wish my parent will support me in this relationship.can i possibly go on like this without their support?i really scared they will object.never have i bring out this issue b4 with them.but neither do i wan them to think that i busy dating here n never do my work.they really did work very hard to try to get the best for me n i dun wan to ripe them off.they already spent a lot for me to get into the medical school.n when i think of my dad,i feel so sorry for my disobedient.really scared he receive the single bill of hundred dollar for one meal. this kind of thing can never happened on my dad.coz he saved so hard for us.dun even call a drink when eating outside.how can i possibly tell my dad that that bill belong to me.when the bill comes,he bound to know.it is going to either make him mad or unhappy.neither one of them do i wan.n my mum normally said that the sum of money i spent is small n insignificant,this time she didnt. instead ,she said it is really an expansive meal which confirm my worry.why did i use the stupid master card.letting my parent know how spendrift i m.i wan my dad to be proud of me n that's always my ambition n target of life.that's also the reason for me to choose medic.a part from the determination of myself to tackle the subject n cure the ppl.i dun wan to live life just like that ,without contributing but living a meaningless life.coz life is just once. this is what alvin used to say .:).a very risky term if someone use it wrongly .haha.he has another common sentence which he always use "go to sleep,tomolo will be a better day".haha..cute fellow.a person who i really wish to be with in the future.:p.although now we are closed,somehow i feel that we are morally wrong to do so.telling my parent will ease my feeling.i certainly know that.but i wan to find a perfect way to tell them.perhaps when i do well in my studies only i will tell them.not now when they just know that i spent that single bill of $120 dollars n never studied while living in an expansive one ppl apartment.i dun wan to mislead them to think that i m so thrown in love that i forget about other things.such as studies n family.especially cannot let my bro to know that i belanja a guy,he bound to be mad.though i doubt n scare my mum or my bro would guess that. coz i told my bro about alvin b4.how can i convince my mum that i spent all of it myself.one person can never eat that much .n silly me tried to say that i order a wine to cover up the story .yet later my mum suspecting me n ask:why did u order wine?i tot u never drink?n i just answered :hmm...i dunno ..pls,pls dun let her find out . i dun wan myself to be seem like a pa lia n stupid girl who spend for guy like the tv drama episode to my parent..

Confession
I love Alvin Ong Boon Kooi . I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him so so so so so extremely much .miss him now.heart so heavy.He is sleeping now ,dun wan to kacau him .Yesterday we discussed about my feeling .I confessed that a part of me still rejecting to love him 100%.n he realised it too.perhaps I really m scared n noticed how much I will be hurt if anything goes wrong between us.Remember that very day I cried twice in a day.All due to worthless issues.I felt a stabbing pain on my heart just simple becoz of a daily joke he made.although I did cry b4 in my life,I never ever felt this kind of pain.Copious of tears running down my face uncontrollably.But,in spite of the auto-protecting system which stop me from giving out my love 100 %.I know in the future one day I sure will do .Coz I stop resisting myself to love n think of him today .that's why i m here writing this blog.This confession of love towards him.He is the best I could get .n he is the only one I wan .He is so cute,so adorable,so irresistible,so handsome,so good-looking ,so nice,so gentlemen,so budak,so ladies-like(:p.sure kena whack),so so so ...so many so.I love part n parcels of him.Every tiny bits of him.his talking,his movement,his jokes ,his sweet-talks,his look,his character,his thoughtfulness,his kindness and ...ark!!!so much good things about him.oh my god..I love this guy so much .

Found this question in friendster.
14.if ur bf/gf cheated on u, would u forgive
them?
Interesting.used to think that it doesnt matter n I will just let go of that person if it ever happened.but now I think I cant be that generous anymore.I love him so much.My answer has been modified.I too love him to let go of him.Though I bless that he will have the great times n all that n wish everythings good happened to him. but ..I still wish he only love me.
Therefore,I dun think I will ever forgive them.
I will be dead b4 i can forgive them.
wanna cheat?cross my dead body.:p

but if it will make him feel better ,I will try to forgive him. dunno whether I can be able to but I shall try .Coz if he is happy,i should be feeling happy too.even if he is not with me.as long as he is happy.Why the more I think ,the more sadness I get?better dun think too far..:p hehe..complicated stuff ler,love is.:>but afterall I still love him .n glad to be with him . "muacks " sleep well.love u always.

8.05 am
Feeling extreme love towards the special someone again.n that someone have gone to airport early in the morning.Luckily not flying away .hugh..-_-'''
haha..kidding kidding.He went to fetch his cousin sister n aunt.Dunno since when this site become my secret diary ,but kinda feeling good writing over here.Till today ,I still feel that my darling is so perfect.whatever he does,I kinda like it . nobody can be more perfect than him . Why on earth did I get so lucky to have met him?(This sentence is copied from Alvin Ong's words.The structure and content have been changed slightly to avoid plagiarism.However,it truly did cross my mind.)

Aiyo , VC so kesian..
7/4/2004

so kesian my dearest bf ..who is still studying for his finance now.Feel so bad that I can cabut from my exam ,which was cancelled due to inefficiency of my faculty .Now looking at him, really wish the exam wasn't cancelled. At least we can suffer together.Now only me cabuting ,really doesnt feel as good.Guess I really love him a lot.Normally I will feel super lucky coz the exam is cancelled.But somehow today ,I dun .Though I was never well-prepared for my exam.Or should I say I m prepared to fail it?haha..I hope not. hmmm..he is rubbing his eyes..is he tired?I'd think so .Wish the stuff that he has covered will come out tomorrow.God,pls let him score well in his exam.

History
On the day of 23rd,I made a decision which I never thought I will ever made and yet that decision brought me a huge surprise and happiness which I can never imagine before. Love occurs to me as just an idiotic phrase those film makers stress on just to bluff money.But this time,I'm on their side. I ,too,become an idiot. An idiot who although already live thru 19 years by herself but still will believe that she cant live without the existence of obk.The love is so intense that everytime I think of obk,I feel the sadness of missing someone deeply . And the feeling of unsecured because terrified by the idea of losing obk.Nothing seems to be important anymore in comparison.I just know that I will alwayz continuously loving this person eternally .