***Working on Happiness***

Very little or 
no improvement,
it says.
Of course, it's spring,
everything moves forward,
grows, blossoms,
and only I stay where
I am
where I have always been.
Stop it,
I say.
Stop pulling and pushing me.

But you know better than that
You know that in a while
I'll see your point
And pull and push myself
To where I have never been
So happy.


***Drowning in the Rain***

Why does it rain?
I know that.
That's because there's too much
water in the sky
So it darkens and falls
Onto my head
Cooling me down.

I lie on the ground and think
about the world.
Why is it spinning around like this,
like a busy but useless bee?
There's no hurry for me
There's only time to calm down
and feel the drops of
somebody else's tears in my eyes.
Somebody else's pain in my bones.
Somebody else's smile on my lips.

Fake.

You can fake the whole life,
Fill it with questions than don't matter
and answers that don't make sense.
Ironically, the questions that do matter
don't even have the answers.
They just lie there.
On the ground.
Waiting for somebody to pick them
Up
and ask them.

But they are just toys for your mind
So don't get too serious
Don't ask me, I don't know.
I'm not Shakespeare and don't know
Why it's better to be than not to be.

Why does it feel better
when you are in my life?

I ask myself so many times
but all I find is pain
and tears.
Not somebody else's.

You make me real.
You take away all that is
fake about me.
I ask for forgiveness
and feel stupid at once.
Why do I ask for something
when I have nowhere to put it?
No use for it.

And I just feel strange
and feel pain
	(like frozen liquid gas
	filling my innards)
and feel the need
	(like the need to breathe,
	only more difficulties)
and feel salt
	on my lips.


***Rotting Photograph***

It's gonna end
Someday, somehow.
But not today, not now, please
I want it to go on
For just another moment.
Do me a favour, don't disappear.
You've done lots of favours
You've been close and warm
Like a scar.

My eyes hurt when I cry
My body hurts when I think about you
What do you feel?
Tell me, make me cry.
I think I lost them
I lost all my tears
And can't cry.
You're the last one
You are just a tear in my eye.

I don't want to see the sun
It will dehydrate my body
It will take away that drop of hope
That I still hold
In my hands.

Smile; I want to keep a good picture
Of you in my mind

The one I have now
Eats me from the inside.
Gnaws and can't get enough.
It's not your fault
I'm just a bad photographer.

They believe that photographs steel
A piece of your soul

I will take many photographs of you
Till I have your entire soul
Buried inside of me.

April, 2003