Layla
Layla... that's a good song. Joe Im'ed me today and we started talking about guitars. Gosh, it sure is nice to have a friend to talk guitars with. (Too bad emily doesn't play!) My parents went to some festival today... I am soo happy they didn't make me go. I am surprised that they didn't. I had a guitar lesson today, and so now my fingers hurt. and I am kind of mad at myself because I have been teaching myself how to play the guitar wrong, but don't worry, I figured it all out, and I will be playing songs as soon as you know it. jacob, my teacher is going the teach me a song on Thursday! I am soo excited. It's hot out today... ahhh and I am wearing jeans because all my shorts are in the wash. Oh well. Last night I was praying to God about how I want to make it BIG in my future. I don't know what, I don't know how, I don't know when and I don't know where, but I want to do something in my lifetime that makes me feel usefull and like I was put here on this planet for a purpose. I know the bible says that God has a plan for me, but how can he?? I guess I have been questioning God a lot lately. I mean like why is there so much suffering if God CAN help it and what is up with all these different churches. If we are all Christians, then why can't we just all be the same ans worship one God and leave it at that. I don't see a need for Catholics, Presbyterians, Lutherans, and so the list goes on...And I wish that you really could find peace on Earth, but I also know that it is impossible. Now, back to music.... I really wish that I just knew how to play the guitar really good right now! sorry, i keep talking about guitar, but I am like addicted to it. I want to learn as fast as I can, and still learn it good. But I know that it will take time. Ohh yeah, my mom let me drive the van today. I drove down a few country roads. it was fun! and my mom says that I should get the hang of it quickly. I hope I do. I just hope that I can handle learning how to drive while also learning the guitar and start school all at the same time. I think I can. Well, I hope I can at least. Right now, I really wish I had a swimming pool. that would be really nice right about now.

Hey.
Hey... It's been a while since I have updated this. Sorry if you actually enjoy reading this (Emily!)well I have been reading a book by Melody Carlson. It's really great and it is a christain book about a girl who turns christian and follows her faith through her music and band. It's great for me, because that is what I want to do... start a band. And the main character goes from being really depressed and lost (Me) to this faithful, happy and outgoing person (Wish that was more of me) and reading it reminds me to keep my faith going strong. I am still working at my guitar... I only know 3 choreds still and my teacher just seems to have "disapeared" and I havn't been able to talk to him for about three weeks, which really gets me down, because I just want to move on and learn the guitar as fast as I can. I think that I really have those the choreds down good right now. Oh yeah, and I also got my mp3 player to finally work! I bought it from ebay and it works really good now, i hardly go anywhere without it! I heard this song - 'Your are my hope' which Skillet sings... and I just love it! if you listen to it, i doubt that you would think that it would be something that I would like, but I like it. Skillet isn't a bad band either. Evanescence has a new song - 'going under' and I like that too. But sometimes that band scares me, they almost dont seem christian sometimes. but i still like them! sorry... I keep talking about music, but that is basicly my life, well that is MUSIC and GOD is ALWAYS FIRST! haha. I am actually am trying to be a better person now, becuase of that book I was telling you about earlier. This is a part of it(it is actually a poem): 'HOW WE GET THERE we dont know, what lies ahead. That doesnt mean, that we should dread. Just hold Your hand, and hold on tight and You will lead us through the night. For, God, You know, the way to go and if we listen You will show if we watch and obey, You will lead us, the right way.' I don't really know why I like that, but I just do. Sorry I don't have anything to complain about tonight, and I don't feel like talking about my family (because I am in such a good mood right now! such a difference from my other entries.) So i am going to go to bed now, because i have nothing better to really do(except, maybe pray!) Gosh, that book is really getting to me!! but i like it!! ok well --- later.

Give me a break
Yesterday my mom told me that I have to start wearning make-up and start paying more attention to my hair and stop wearing my sloppy t-shirts. yeah, that made me mad. Who the heck is she to tell me what I need to be doing in my life. She also says that if I don't join 4 stupid clubs in high school that I have to get another job... well looks like I am going to get some extra money next year. I think that it is pointless to wear make-up. It's like being someone who you're not. If god wanted me to have blue eyelids, then I think that he would have given me them. haha that's just funny. My hair looks fine. I only stopped curling it in grade school because the curls never stayed in. What's the point? And why do people get soo much plastic surgery these days?? We are all going to die soon anyway, so what the point? Use the money for something else, like give it to the poor who don't have enough money for a good life. Ahhh I hate this world and the idea that everyone has to look some special way to be noticed and cared about. Why can't we all just live the way the we want to live. Heck, I am probably the only one who thinks this way, but I guess that's just me. I know that I'm not perfect, but no one is. I don't find a use to be someone who I'm not, but if that's the way that you want to be, go ahead. The only thing that matters to me is the person underneath.

I'm driving.
I got to drive today!!!! My dad said that I did a good job at it too. lol. Shifting gears is hard to learn... oh well I will get the hang of it. I am just glad that I didn't run into anything. On the way home today from my Grandma's house, we stopped at Tuscola to shop at the Outlet mall there. I didn't want to get out and shop because we just went there a week ago, so I stayed in the car with my dog. Baxter, my dog (great name eh??? I hate it.) drove me crazy and scratched my legs up pretty bad... yeah but anyway, when my dad came back into the car he told me to move into the back, because I was in the front seat. And my mom was driving, and she asked him why I needed to do that because I had been in the car with Baxter for the last 45 min. and I was sick of taking care of him for the day... so my dad got all mad at me, then I told him that I would switch seats with him, but He just told me sit back down. And it scared the crap out of me because of the way he said it. Then I felt bad the whole way home because it's fathers day and all. Ok well this was a bad story and all but there is nothing else to write right now. If I think of anything else... then I will write more later.

Who can I trust now??
I am really mad right now. My mom found a song that I wrote about verbal abuse relationships... and now she thinks that I am in one or something. So she went into my folder with all my other lyrics of other songs I wrote on Word and she printed them all off and asked me about them. She wants to know why all of them have a sad lonely message... I write songs like that becase they make me feel better about myself. I went to dinner just with her and she kept asking me questions on what I would do if I was a parent and I thought my kid was on drugs or depressed. My own mother thinks that I am taking DRUGS!!! She doesn't trust me. And I definatly can't trust her. I don't feel safe in my own house! Now where do I go for help? I feel like I am losing everyone close to me and I don't know where to turn. Talk to me if you feel like it... Krypton36k

I feel like talking...
I don't have much of a life and it seems like I have about no friends and the only things that keep me here are music and God. I couldn't wait for summer to start... but now that It's here, I don't want it to be. I have to babysit a 6th grader and her dog all summer. At least I get some money, even though I never buy anything. I did just buy an mp3 player, but now I found out that the D drive on our computer is dead... so I have to wait until we get another one put in. Ahhhh I am sooooo bored.

I am so bored.
Hey. Why isn't there ever anything good on tv in the afternoon?? That makes me mad. This morning I just did a bunch of chores like cleaning out some closets and laundry and junk like that. Then I went to play my guitar... but that got really boreing after a while, so i just watched tv and stuff. yeah i bet that you are really bored reading this right now. sorry. Have you ever noticed how much people use me?? I was just thinking about that earlier. They always tell me to do some kind of shit for them... and I always do it. It's like I just can't be mean to people... unless they really make me mad or something. Most of my friends are losers if you ask me. And I know that I am too... but comeon... they all get mad at each other for the littlest things and I just sit back and laugh at how stupid it all is. I really feel out of place lately. The people that I hang out with don't seem to want to hang out with me anymore... and to tell you the truth... I dont really want to hang out with most of them. It's like I have no one to talk to anymore and I kind of like it being that way, but sometime... it really hurts me. I don't know where to go in my little messed up life anymore. and people always tell me that I am depressed... and just hearing that isn't helping me at all. I dont want to be depressed... but sometimes I think that I might be. Noooo.... that can't be. I am so bored right now... and shoot people will get mad at me now for saying the stuff that I just said... but it's the way I feel. And I am not feeling too good right now... so maybe I dont mean it anyway. Whatever...