Heres my second english essay. The assignment was to write a narrative essay. I felt i would do little rewrite. Heh heh. Enjoy pal.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Beagle and the Round-Headed Kid in.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Happy Halloween You Piece of Shit..-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our story is one of those stories many English teachers keep on the back burner because they are afraid of its supreme caliber. Though a mere children’s tale condensed in five hundred to seven hundred and fifty words, this tale hides its true face, a face hidden from person to person yet publicized every day on national television. Reality is that very face. There is a general set-up to your typical holiday tale. Usually a group of adolescents are trying to save the holiday from an evil Russian-like “bad guy”. This tale strayed away from the typical tale trail (yes alliteration is also used in this terrific tale) and has turned out to be truer to the reader, let us join in the tale that has already begun. We were to be introduced to a round-headed kid and his not-so-loyal beagle except commercial time ran over. So we shall just peak in at what the round-headed kid, Chuck Yellow, and his beagle, Snoop Dizzy, are up to. “Hey you stupid dog, do you know what today is?” Chuck asked of Snoop Dizzy, who was lying in a sunny-spot in the yard. The dog just stared back blindly. “Hey dog, hey dog, what day is today?” Chuck again asked, slowly losing patience. Again the dog stared back blindly, this time panting. “ARGH! Come on we do this same thing every year, where I ask you what today is and every year you just stare back. Tell me, WHAT DAY IS IT TODAY?” The dog turned its head slightly to the right, as if saying, “What the hell is this guy mumbling?”. The dog then thought to itself, “Perhaps this gentleman is offering me entertainment before my meal. Well, I’m entertained. Where’s the food?” The dog sat up and began to wag its tail, which would thump again and again on the dry dirt of Chuck Yellow’s front lawn. “Well sir, whenever you’re ready to bring the main course” Snoop Dizzy thought to himself. He stood up and walked over to his bowl to hopefully send a hint to Chuck Yellow. He even gave the bowl a few sniffs to add to the illustrious hint, but to no avail. Chuck had since then gone inside and gathered dog food, walked back outside and gave the food to Snoop. Snoop began eating and Chuck continued asking his dog the same question. “Come on boy, what day is it today? Is it Christmas?” The dog looked up from its meal for a second, stared at chuck, and continued eating. “No it isn’t! That’s right boy. Is it Hanukah?” The dog continued eating. “Of course it isn’t! How could I celebrate a Jewish holiday?” Chuck Yellow of course was as disgustingly racist as them come (It is of the editor’s decision to leave out Chuck’s monologue of how he feels about Hanukah and Hebrew people. The author would also like to note that he is in no way affiliated with Chuck Yellow or any of his beliefs. Any remark or quote or thought produced therein bears no representation of the author.). By this time, the dog had finished eating and began to clean itself. “You know,” Chuck exclaimed, “maybe if you learned to speak you would be a better companion. Here I thought ALL dogs were meant to be man’s best friend. I guess there’s one in every so many that aren’t worth a nut.” The dog remained silent. It walked in three or four circles, then laid down and snuggled its head on its front paws. “I guess I really don’t have any friends, either dog or man.” Chuck said with bitterness and disgust. He then went into his house while Snoop remained motionlessly sleeping. That night, Chuck locked himself in his room, blasted his favorite Marylin Manson song entitled “Let Me Spiz-it on You”, held an M-15 to his head and cleared the clip. He left a note duct-taped to his body with “Duck Tape” brand duct-tape, which read:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To whom it may concern, I have decided that perhaps this life isn’t meant for me. Through pain and suffering I have realized that the only one I thought that was my lifelong friend, had turned out to be nothing but an acquaintance who I fed day in and day out. I also realized that everything was just going wrong in my life. Lucky, the bitch from down the street who always offered psychiatric help, and good psychiatric help at that, continually pulled the football away when I would run up to kick it in some evil plot to add continual strain on my emotions so that she could stay in business. I had turned out to be her only customer. As for my “best pal” Sinus, well he apparently didn’t want anything to do with me other than use me to get to my younger sister Zally. I realized also why I never understood a single word my teacher or mother would say when they would call me or talk to me. It turns out they were pulling a wiener on me and would sit and play the trumpet with a muffle every time I finished speaking. I pretended to understand, I really did, but I guess in the end there was no way for me to understand. It was merely muffled musical notes. And as for the cute little red-haired girl I always crushed on at lunch turned out to be quite the hooch. Oh well, hopefully in the next life I can be someone else, someone more loved. Sincerely, Chuck Yellow P.S. – please give this message to Snoop Dizzy. “Happy Halloween you piece of shit.”