Headaches
So nothing special has happened. I guess you could count the two times I saw Lord of the Rings was pretty noteworthy. Except I saw the second time all by my lonesome. A three 1/2 long movie all by yourself is so sucky. Especially when you've already been feeling like crap someone just stepped in, have to sit in between two couples and wear a smile on your face like nothing was wrong at all. I've been getting these headaches everyday recently. Nothing gets rid of them except sleep. By morning (or whenever I do awake) they are right there waiting for me though. I told my friends this new website was darker than my old one. I am unsure whether I want to give them the URL to it. I know everyone wants me to be happy but I can't keep pretending everything is fine with me when I feel in my heart like crying. I don't think they understand that I DO want to be happy but that I just can't. They're all really upbeat people, that like to have good times and don't let whats wrong in their lives bother them all too much. But I live with these problems constantly. I can't get rid of them; they torture my mind like a movie reel running itself to the bone. I admit when things get really bad, I ask God if I can just let go. I know his answer of course without ever needing to hear it. 'No, it'll be alright. Just hang on.' Truth is, hang on to what? I've tried! Everything I love just slips past my reach! I drown myself in movies that I watch night by night, do the same things everyday, just so I don't have to notice the days that are passing. No one cares that I feel like I'm dying. No one cares that this smile is fake. No one cares because I've stopped caring. These headaches will never go away...