Short Takes
MORE SHORT TAKES
*McDonalds breakfast for under a dollar actually costs much more then that. You have to factor in the cost of coronary bypass surgery.
*If you fall asleep on the couch in a house where a woman is present,there will be a blanket or a coat covering you when you awaken
*Politics is so corrupt even the dishonest people get fucked
*When blowing out your birthday candles, suppose you wish for one candle to stay lit? Is it possible for your wish to come true?
*When you pick something up with your toes and transfer it to your hand, don't you feel, just briefly, like a superior creature? Like you could probably survive alone in a forest for a long time? Just briefly.
*Don't you love these people who end their sentences with a rising inflection? And they do it all the time? As though it were an intelligent way to talk? And everything they say sounds like a question? Even the answers? "How was your day?" "I'm fine?"
*Sometimes when I watch a parade, I wonder how many of the marchers are in desperate need of a good long piss.
*Tomorrow is very much like today, except it's not here yet.
*When you look at some of Picasso's paintings, it makes you wonder what kind of woman he visualized when he masterbated.
*We use the sun to make electricity, and then we use the electricity to operate sun lamps and tanning machines.
*I have no sympathy for single dads. They got into their marriages because they wanted steady pussy. Steady pussy leads to babies. After the novelty wears off, the marriage goes away. Single dads. Big fuckin' deal.
*I enjoy makeing people feel uncomfortable. Walking down the jetway to board my plane I'll often turn to a stranger and say, "Boy, I sure hope we don't crash into a cornfield today. If we do go down in flames, I hope we hit some houses. Or a school."
*If the black box is the only thing that survives a plane crash, why don't that just make the whole plane out of the black box.
*Santa is satan spelled inside out.
*I can't wait until we get a really evil president. Not devious and cunning like Nixon and Johnson. But really, really evil. God, it would be so refreshing!
*I don't need child-resistant caps on my medicine bottles. They say, "Well, someone with children might come and visit you." Fuck'em! They're on their own. Let'em take the chances. Anyone who visits me is accepting a certain level of risk in the first place.
*Next time you're on a plane, sit in the back row and place a boom box under your seat. Then, during takeoff, play high pitched, metal grinding noises on it, just loud enough to be heard over the engines. If possible, blend in the sound of a few small, muffled explosions. Keep saying, "Uh-oh!"
*At a retail store, make a lot of large purchases hurriedly, and then, when signing the credit card slip, appear nervous and openly try to copy the signature that appears on your credit card. Then when the approval comes through, express visible relief. "Really? All right!!" Snicker a little, and mutter a barely audible, "Idiots."
*I was a loner; I just wanted to be by myself. I had an imaginary friend, but I didn't bother with him. Fuck'em! Let him get his own friends. I got no time for people like that.
*When your dogs lick a visitor and they say, "Oh, he's very affectionate," ask them, "Did you notice what he was doing prior to coming over and licking your face?" "No. Well, yes! I think he was cleaning himself. He's a very clean dog." Well, his balls and asshole are very clean. In fact, he has a perfectly clean five inch circle around his balls and asshole. His tongue,lips and nose, however, are filthy with old dog shit and fermented ball sweat. Why do you think we taught him to shake hands?"
You will not take my mind, You will not take what's mine, You think you can hurt me by stealing from me (oh why), You think I owe it to you, This is everything I do, You can’t rape me take from me, But you ain't got me.....-"Just For Now" Fieldy feat. Jon Davis
I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last, I am alive full of pain, I feel the anger changing me.....-"Did My Time" Korn
I watch the hope I had disintegrate before my eyes, I take a minute and reflect on all your fucking lie, Behind the door, you have two choices, but you don't get to choose, You can survive or you can die-either way you lose.....-"Choose" Stone Sour
Pull your hands away, I'm gone - goodbye - it's so depressing, Withering away, Take a look - inside - my soul is missing, All I have is dead, so I'll take you with me, Feel like I'm erased - so kill me just in case.....-"Disasterpiece" Slipknot
Back to the start (Go), When we got together I gave you my heart, You made a few mistakes, But that's how it goes, And every time I broke up you gave my ass a rose (aww), Saying that your sorry, And I'm the only one, Believed you like a chump, While you were having fun, I was feelin' lonely, While you were with your hommie, Ain't that a bitch? Now your boy can blow me....."Just Drop Dead" Limp Bizkit
Ohh, I'm such a piece of shit. Oh, you're so perfect. Oh, you're so much better than me. So much better than me. You suck!....."Nobody Loves Me" Limp Bizkit
What a skeletal wreck of man this is. Translucent flesh and feeble bones, the kind of temple where the whores and villains try to tempt the holistic domes. Running rampid with free thought to free form, and the free and clear. When the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a laundry mat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, now. We all have a little sin that needs venting, virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems are ripped from the branches of office, do you know what your post entails? Do you serve a purpose, or purposely serve? When in doubt inside your atavistic allure, the value of a summer spent, and a winter earned. For the rest of us, there is always Sunday. The day of the week the reeks of rest, but all we do is catch our breath, so we can wade naked in the bloody pool, and place our hand on the big, black book. To watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers. A vacation is a countdown, T minus your life and counting, time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube, and hope you get a taste. WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR? WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON? SHUT UP! I can go on and on but lets move on, shall we? Say, your me, and I’m you, and they all watch the things we do, and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs, haven’t felt like this in years. The great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse, let me go, and punch me into the dead spot again. That’s where you go when there’s no one else around, it’s just you, and there was never anyone to begin with, now was there? Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse, and a finger on the trigger. CLASSIFIED MY ASS! THAT’S A FUCKING SECRET, AND YOU KNOW IT! Government is another way to say better…than…you. It’s like ice but no pick, a murder charge that won’t stick, it’s like a whole other world where you can smell the food, but you can’t touch the silverware. Huh, what luck. Fascism you can vote for. Humph, isn’t that sweet? And we’re all gonna die some day, because that’s the American way, and I’ve drunk too much, and said too little, when your gaffer taped in the middle, say a prayer, say a face, get your self together and see what’s happening. SHUT UP! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I’m sorry, I could go on and on but its time to move on so, remember: you’re a wreck, an accident. Forget the freak, your just nature. Keep the gun oiled, and the temple cleaned shit snort, and blaspheme, let the heads cool, and the engine run. Because in the end, everything we do, is just everything we’ve done....."Omega" Stone Sour
Band Sites
Ozzy Fuckin' Osbourne
Cold
Staind
Slipknot
Slayer
Slaves On Dope
Dry Kill Logic
Korn
Stone Sour
Marilyn Manson
Chimaira
Systematic
Machine Head
Coal Chamber