Return to the Nightmare
Iliela sat on the edge of her bed, sweat covering every part of he body, her breathes quick and shallow, and her eyes glimmering with fear. She had been there again. Back to the bloody hell she left behind, and he was there. Watching her with unblinking eyes as he walked steadily towards her. Always, she couldn’t move, she could’ve even talk. Only watch him in fascination, fear, and confusion. But he still came, watching her carefully. It was always, then, the shrill shriek of fear that rang in her ears, but the shriek was not her own for she couldn’t find her voice or the will to even utter a whimper. She would always glance around to find a woman running towards her, and then the woman would run through her, like as if she was a ghost. She shivered remembering that feeling and closed her eyes against it, trying to make it go away. But it was always there, that chilling feeling somewhere deep inside her soul.
But he was still there in her dreams, more like nightmares. For each time she had the dream, it became more real then the last time. She could breath in the cold crisp air of her dreams and remembers what it felt like when she awoke. She also remembers him, the strange but beautiful pale being that approached her. No, not her. But the woman who had ran through her. She can’t help but shudder as she remembers the feeling of him passing through her. It took something from her soul that left a empty spot inside, and it ached. With each day that passed by, and each dream she fell into at night, the aching got worse and she felt alone, lost, and abandoned.
Then she would watch him, in her dreams, hold out his hand to the woman, who lay cowering on the ground. The woman let out another shrill shriek, more choked and filled with such fear, it made her cringe in her own fear, then the last one but it still rang in her ears. She watched as he kneeled in the mud, a man of his class, from the way he dressed, would not dare kneel in the mud for whatever reason. But there he was kneeling and pleading softly with the woman. The woman covered her face with her hands and kicked out at the ground beneath her, trying to get moving and getting nowhere. At last he spoke softly to her, and Iliela over heard.
She always awoke then, but tonight the dream had carried on. And she had found herself in the fear filled woman’s place. She clutched her hands over her face and shook her head.
“NO! I will not listen to you again! I will not be tricked again! No! Never!”
She felt her voice work, and she ment the words with all the anger and bitterness she had inside herself. But something stopped her thrashing about, hands. Strong, cold hands that chilled to the touch gripped her shoulders. He spoke again, this time with a voice that only a person would use on their lover.
“Iliela. Please, if you will not listen to me, at least look me in the eyes. Say the words and I will be gone… but not forever. Never forever Iliela, for I love you.”
Iliela yanked her hands away from her face with such anger that it made him flinch. She looked angrily into his eyes, and saw the pain flood into his as he starred into the hate she held for him now. The love was gone, only hate and a will for revenge remained.
“I hate you Link! I hate you now and forever! Go away!! Never come back to me again! For I will kill you if I ever see you again!”
He looked shaken down to the very core of his being, but the smallest flicker of hope shined in his eyes and she wanted to snuff out that flicker.
“Iliela…. Do…Do you really mean that? What you have said, do you mean it?”
His voice sounded hurt, pained, and on the verge of tears.
“Yes I do Count Link. I hate you I hate you I hate you!! I cannot say it enough! I curse you Count! I never want to lay my eyes on you again.”
She hissed out in a maddening rage and he let her go. He looked at her, his eyes shimmering. But not with tears of salt water, but those of blood.
“Iliela…. What ever happened to the smile I fell in love with?”
That aching feeling, the empty spot, suddenly became unbearable.
She has realized what she had said a little to late, in her maddening rage had said words she didn’t mean, and it left a aching in her soul that would never go away. She felt the tears form and herself tremble. He reached up and brushed the back of his hand on the side of her face, but she moved her head towards his hand and captured his hand in her own. He took in a sharp breath and she closed her eyes tight against the pain.
She felt the tears fall and heard him choke and suddenly pull her close to him into a strong grasp that made her gasp a bit. She clung on to him tightly, never wanting to let him go, but the choked pain filled words that whispered into her ear made the tears flow more freely.
She held onto him with all her might, knowing there was no why she could hurt him. But she already had, she had killed his hope for love, for them, for a future together. It was dead, and she felt her heart break.
“No, Meier. No.”
“Do not say that name Iliela…. You have won.”
She felt him hug her so tight in hurt her, but she didn’t care. She had lost every thing, she had not won. But it was too late, the words had been said and he was a man of his word. She felt him grasp loosen and then there was nothing. She opened her eyes and franticly searched around. The tears fell down her cheeks but she didn’t notice.
Iliela reached behind her with a fumbling hand and pulled the sheet off the bed and around her shoulders. She felt the deep aching inside and it almost made her weep. The dream had been so real this time, she remembers the feel of hugging him so closely, the feel of his breath on her ear as he whispered to her, and the pain he caused her when he hugged her so tight. But what did all this mean? These dreams. Iliela rose off her bed and moved over to the window. She hesitated a second before she opened the window. She looked out into the night and at the crosses lining the roofs of the houses near by her home and farther on. She glanced over at cemetery and then looked away. She felt so alone and hurt, but the thing that scared her is that she didn’t know why.
She glanced down as someone passing by her house drew her attention. But something here was odd. The way the person carried himself or herself, it was as if they were hurting deeply. The person let out a choked sob and Iliela’s eyes went wide.
She whispered but he froze. She clasped her hands together and watched him closely. He leaned against the wall heavily and Iliela turned and raced towards her door her heart pounding in her throat. She struggled with the door for a second and then resorted to banging on it as she called out for her father.
It didn’t take long before she heard the questioning voice of her father from down the hall and his quick shuffling towards her door.
She cried out more desperately this time, banging on the door harder. The knob turned quickly and her father opened the door. He held his arms out to her but she raced past him and down the stairs.
She whispered to herself as she flung open the front door and ran out into the street.
She looked around franticly and felt her heart beat faster. He was nowhere in sight, nowhere. She took off running down the street in her nightgown and bare feet. She was looking around as she ran but screamed in pain as something sharp dug into her foot. She crumpled gracefully to the ground and lay there for a few moments before she sat up. She looked down at her foot and cringed at the glass shard sticking out of her foot.
She whispered as tears of pain came to her eyes. She reached towards her foot but a hand intercepted hers, only touching hers. Her eyes went wide and she looked up at him. He was there, in the flesh. Kneeling on the rain soaked, muddy cobble stone street beside her was Meier Link, Count Meier Link. She suddenly didn’t feel so alone anymore, but the ache was still there. She had hurt him deeply in her dreams, perhaps she could make it right in the present.
He touched her leg softly and then touched her wounded foot ever so softly. She watched him almost transfixed as he manipulated the glass shard slowly and carefully so it wouldn’t cause her anymore pain then it already had. A few moments later he tosses the glass shard away and wrapped her foot with a handkerchief he pulled out of under his cloak. He rose to his feet pulling her to her feet as he did. Once she was standing He started to move away but she threw her arms around him and held him from behind. She felt him stiffen her grasp it felt like she was holding stone, and a tear slipped down her cheek.
“Meier, I want you back. I lost everything…. Never have I won.”
She cried soundlessly as he gave her no reaction. She felt like her spirit was dying, as if this was that last thing she was holding onto. And now suddenly she had lost her grasp.
“I am sorry Meier…”
She whispered into his cloak and felt herself trembling. He was stone in her grasp, and that wasn’t changing. She felt her own heart turn to stone and a great sadness fall upon her. She had lost him, and there was no way of getting him back. She slowly let her arms drop, her fingers lingering on his cloak trying to memorize the feel for the last time. She choked on a sob and took a step back, fresh pain from her wound cut into her but it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. She turned away from him, no longer able to stand the sight of him there, and not being able to hold him. She started to walk away from him, down the street, away from her home crying out choked sobs. She wrapped her arms around herself and fell down to her knees. Her body trembled as she cried, she was so very alone now. So very alone…
She heard foot steps walk towards her and the sound of someone kneeling next to her but she was too lost in her own misery to notice. She flinched when strong hands slid onto her shoulders and she opened her eyes, looking into the eyes of Meier’s. He reached up and placed a hand on the side of her face and she moved her head so she could kiss the palm of his hand. He inhaled sharply and pulled her close to him and she clung on to him for all her life was worth. She had found something to hang on to and she wasn’t planning on letting go this time.
“Meier, I am sorry. So very sorry. I had never ment to hurt you… but in my maddening rage.”
Meier placed a finger across her mouth, silencing her.
“You said things you didn’t mean. But Iliela, I told you I would not be gone forever for I love you.”
For the first time in many long years tears of joy ran down her face.
Iliela suddenly felt alone, but hadn’t Meier been holding her a moment ago? She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, lifting her arm to shield her eyes from the light of dawn. She glanced at the window and then around the room, noting that it was her own room. She sat up slowly and closed her eyes. That had been a dream again, but this time she couldn’t remember anything
The voice of Iliela’s father called from the other her door.
The door opened and Iliela’s father walked in. She looked at his silver hair and then at his face. She offered him a warm smile that he returned.
“There’s a man downstairs who would like to speak with you.”
Iliela nodded and rose from her bed as her father left the room. She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed her blank stare.
“It was only a dream. That… and nothing more.”