Without My Muse

No Title (1)
copyright 1999 Janet Ferri

What are you thinking
Is there a worry in that head of yours
Any thought of love and hope, peace and joy
Do you think of drunken sluts, pretty whores
Or are you an ordinary - thoughtless - little boy?

What are you thinking
Do you think of all the places you have been
Silent prayers asking God to deliver you from sin
Times of happiness, a future full of hope
Or are you dangling on that last strand of rope

What are you thinking?

No title (2)
copyright 1999 Janet Ferri

Anybody, even nobody would be somebody right about now
Was I ever
Could I be
Wish I were
In a dream, a fantasy
The days are bitter cold here in hell
Just a tease, a mere touch
Oh please, oh pretty please

No Title (3)

If I told you it was over, would you hurt?
Would the pain seer through you
Your heart ripped from your chest
Barely beating, a worn down wind-up toy
Without the interest of a starving maggot
Would you feel like a helpless insect
Wings torn from its torso
Would it be as you'd awaken from a wonderful dream
Or you had slipped into a nightmare from which you'll never awaken

The gates of hell had opened up and warmly taken you in. Now you're pushed against the burning walls, face first. But it's not the fire, it's the tears that burn your cheeks. And in your throat it's the fresh burning well seeping up from the pit of your stomach where the boiling begins from the fire of your heart.

The exhaustion from being so overwhelmed. The dizziness from the attack. The nauseousness from the disease. Would you feel it?

Each time I think the turmoil has begun
I feel it
Bask in it, hoping to walk away
It pulls me back.
No, leads me back.
No, pleads me back.
No, I turn and go back.
No, no, I just never leave.
And I don't come out. So I live the hurt and endure the pain.

No title (4) copyright 1999 Janet Ferri

It's a fire storm, with whirlwinds
Seering embers burn through me
With my pain it grows
Unbearable
I close my eyes, maybe it'll go away
But it seeks me out
To burn me
To destroy me
I want to run
Instead, as a deer staring into headlights I freeze
And the storm encompasses me
Burning like green wet leaves
Slowly
Tortuously

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