The most common question people wonder about victims of domestic violence is "why don't they just leave?" The following is a list of examples of why a woman might stay in such a bad situation:
1. She is in love with the abuser and believes it when she says that "this beating is the last." Most victims don't want to end the relationship, just the beatings.
2. She is afraid of the abuser. Threats are made against the victim, her children, and the victim's family.
3. She believes that she can help change the abuser. She also believes that if she changes her own behavior that he'll stop.
4. She is afraid to have him arrested because he'll probably be released in a few hours and will probably seek revenge. This is why many victims lie to the police, don't press charges, or bail their abusers out of jail.
5. The abuser often controls the money and is often the primary breadwinner. The victim is dependent on the batterer financially and feels that the abuse is worth the financial security. She often fears that if she reports the abuse, the abuser will lose his job; the family's only source of income.
6. Many religions and cultures discourage divorce at all costs.
7. Victims are often socially isolated. Abusers destroy outside relationships and many people feel uncomfortable around violence and withdraw.
8. Victims "stay for the children" without realizing the damage the unhealthy relationship is doing to the children.
9. If the abuser is well-respected and mild-mannered in public, the victim may feel that no one will believe her.
10. The victim often believes the abuser's reasons for the abuse, such as "I was just drunk" or "You made me do it."
11. The victim is afraid of the social stigma. She is embarrassed that it has happened and that others might question why she "let it happen."
12. There has often been an abusive relationship between the victim's own parents and the victim considers this "normal."
SITUATIONAL FACTORS :
Economic Dependance
Fear of greater physical danger to themselves and their cildren in they attempt to leave.
Fear of emotional damage to children
Fear of losing custody of children
Lack of alternate housing
Lack of job skills
Social isolation resulting in:
Cultural and religious constraints
Fear of retaliation
Lack of support from the criminal justice system
EMOTIONAL FACTORS:
Fear of loneliness
Insecurity around potential independence
Lacl of emotional support
Guit about marriage
Fear that husband/lover is not able to survive alone
Belief that husband/lover will change
Uncertainty and fear aboutmaking formidable life changes
