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Cool-Ass Quotes


Hey, hey, hey! Whats up everybody? I just thought I'd compile a cool quotes page. I thought to myself, "Maybe I'll just rip everybody else off." But, as I was traveling through cyberspace, I discovered that there were two kinds of quotes: Funny (Funny? On this site? Now thats funny.)Quotes ("Never shave your duck, because your pen might combust") and Serious Quotes ("Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise), As I came to call them. So I was going to have two sections on this page. However, i decided that serious quotes are stupid, so they won't be posted on my site. So, funny quotes galore! When I get some cool quotes I'll post them. As always, you can email me

and I'll post them on my site.

Funny Quotes

"****, piss, ****, ****, ****sucker, mother******, ****, fart, turd, and ****."--Blink 182, "Family Reunion"
"Is our children learning?"--The president, George "W upside-down is M which in turn is for Moron" Bush

"I fish, therefore I lie."--T-shirt in Sunriver.
"I'm just ducky, thank you."--Sara, Josh's girlfriend.
"YEAH!!"--My response.
"I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it."
"People who think they are perfect are a great nuisance to those of us who are."
"Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it."
"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask.... 'Compared to what?'"
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
"Do it today, tommorow it might be illegal."---Mike's Quote
"It's all fun and games until someone looses an eye, then it's just fun you can't see."
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
"Never, NEVER, judge a book by its movie. Especially in the case of The Matrix."---Which didn't, by the way, have a book, so, what the fuck do you judge it by? Acting? Yeah. Funny. Acting. Heh. Thats a good one.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."---David's Quote
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time."
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
"Wit is educated insolence. "---Josh's Quote
"Sometimes when reading math books I have a suspicion that they are trying to be funny." -- Josh Harris
"The covers of this book are too far apart." '
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."---My Quote.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
-Black holes are where God divided by zero.
-Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
-For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
-Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
-Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
-I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
-Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
-If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
-I intend to live forever - so far, so good
-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
-If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
-Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
-Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
-Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
-Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
-The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
-When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. -Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
-Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
-I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
-Depression is just a sarcastic state of mind...-"Romeo and Rebecca", Blink 182
-Theres a fine line between sanity and liking punk rock-By me.

Thanks to my buddy Josh and his girlfriend Sara for 99.9 percent of the quotes on this page!!!!