10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the mouth.
9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks...tell everyone how you're just kidding and
call them a bunch of retards.
8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard - then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a
big loogie - then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say "Beat that!".
7. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker", then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good "ass fucking".
6. Always walk around with a big smile and keep one hand down the
front of your pants.
5. Answer every question asked to you with "fucked if I know!" then address the person with a racial slur that doesn't match their race.
4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your
nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's
hand.
3. Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over and
yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!" Then when it stops...look down and say..."Oh!".
2. Ask to borrow someone's pen- bring it to the bathroom- stick it in your butt- return it and tell the person to smell it- when they tell you that it smells bad- be like, "It should! I had it in my ass!"
1. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind - when they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.
1.Autopsy Bear
2.Crack Baby Elmo
3.Crib Death Cabbage Patch Kid
4.Irritable Bowel Barney
5.Ku-Klux Ken
6.Leprotic Power Rangers
7.Mastectomy Barbie
8.Partial Birth Elmo - Comes in 19 pieces in a bag. Forceps Included
9.Spontaneous Combustion Barney
10.Thalidomide Elmo - Limbs Not Included.
10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.
9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn."
7. Granny found cuffed to her walker.
6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice.
4. Your "Grandma" is Anna Nicole Smith.
3. You've just seen the photos in the "BeaverHunt" section of the May
issue of Hustler.
2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.
1. Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for "doggystyle."
10.Have you looked through her briefs?
9.He is one hard judge!
8.Counselor, let's do it in the chambers.
7.Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6.Is it a penal offence??
5.Better leave the handcuffs on.
4.For $200 a hour, she better be good!
3.Can you get him to drop his suit?
2.The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1.Think you can get me off?
10.I need to whip it out by 5.
9.Mind if i use your laptop?
8.Just stick it in my box.
7.If I have to lick one more I'll gag!
6.I want it on my desk NOW!
5.HMMMMMM.....I think it's out of fluid.
4.My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish!
3.It's an entry-level position.
2.When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1.It's not fair! I do all the work while he just sits there!
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent!
9. After 18 holes I can bearly walk!
8. You really whacked that sucker
7. Look at the size of his punter!
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a big more
5. Mind if I join your treesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow though has a lot to be desired
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
10. "Cigarettes: They're like Big Macs for your lungs!"
9. "If you stop smoking, Joe Camel will come to your house and put the hurt on you."
8. "Recommended by four out of five doctors named Kevorkian."
7. "Tobacco: Still safer than crack."
6. "You'd better keep smoking, because Nicorette gum tastes like crap."
5. "We'll blacken any lungs for $99.95!"
4. "You'll come for the nicotine, you'll stay for the wet hacking cough."
3. "Smoke your fat butt good-bye!"
2. "Warning: The surgeon general lies!"
1. "Smoke this!"
10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.
9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."
7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."
6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"
5. Deny the existence of chemicals.
4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.
3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.
2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.
1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in dollhouse models.
10. Show up tired, REALLY tired.
9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can into each row before opening up the next one up. We're going for efficiency here...
8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"
7. Insist on having the audience get up and do the Macarena in the middle of the ceremony.
6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.
5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory...
4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.
3. Carry on a conversation with the guests, keep talking and talking and talking...
2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.
1. Insist on a pants-free environment.