There was a young lady from France
Who got on a bus in a trance
Everyone fucked her
Apart from the Conductor
But he came twice in his pants

Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep
She went to sleep.
The sheep turned out
To be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb!

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.

There was a young girl from Devizes
Who had tits of different sizes
One was small
Almost nothing at all
And the other was big, and won prizes.

A weary old lecher named Blott
Took a luscious young blonde on his yacht
Too lazy to rape her,
He made darts out of paper,
Which he leisurely tossed at her twat.

There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her,
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux
Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
To entice his regard
She would squat in his yard
And appealingly piss in the snow.

There was a young couple named Kelly
Who were seemly connected at belly,
Because in their haste
They use library paste
Which they thought was vaginal jelly.

There was a young gigolo named Bruno
Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.
While women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
Lama's are numero uno!"

There was a young man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Said he, "I'll admit
She does smell a bit,
But look at the money I save!"

There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat

There was man from Rangoon
Who was born 5 months to soon
By his shitty luck
He wasn't made by a fuck
But scrapped off the sheets with a spoon

A Rabbi from Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vey" (spelling?)
If you keep up this was
The Messiah will come before you

There once was a man fro Bombay
Who made a cunt out of clay
He stuck in his dick
The thing turned to brick
And rubbed his foreskin away

There once was a man from Bandoo
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He dreamed of Venus
And played with his penis
And woke up with a hand full of goo

There once was a man named Less
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he rubbed them together
They made stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass

There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
When he climbed into bed
His lady friend said
"That's not a dick it's a wart"

There was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
With cum on his chin
He said with a grin
If my nose was a cunt I would fuck it

There once was a man named Dave,
Who kept dead whores in his cave,
You must admit,
He's quite a shit,
But look at the money he saved.

There once was a girl from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores,
the men who got pussed,
were desperate for lust,
and licked up what was left in her drawers.

There was a young vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were very unstable
one night under the moon
she pulled out a spoon
and drank herself under the table

There was a young gaucho named Bruno
Who said, "Screwing is one thing I *do* know.
A woman is fine,
And a sheep is divine,
But a llama is Numero Uno."

There once was a man of Belfast
Whose balls out of iron were cast.
He managed somehow
To bugger a sow,
Thus you get pig-iron, at last.

There was a young girl of Samoa
Who determined that no man should know her.
One young fellow tried
But she wriggled aside
And spilled all the spermatozoa.

There was a young fellow named Simon
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The cube of its weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number ... give him a call

There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia
The color was fine
And the likeness, sublime
But the aroma, now that was the falia

There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who professed to no sexual feeling
Till a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling

There was an old man from Calcutter
Who greased up his asshole with butter
And instead of the roar
We heard there before
Came a soft oleaginous mutter

There was a young vampire named Mabel
whose periods were very unstable
one night by the moon
she whipped out a spoon
and drank herself under the table

The naughty old bishop of Birmingham
buggered two boys whilst confirming 'em
as the knelt before god
he pulled out his rod
and pumped his Episcopal sperm in 'em

There once was a young Queen of Broda
Who kept a peculiar pagoda.
The walls of its halls
Were festooned with the balls
And the tools of the fools who bestrode her.

There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,
To wipe up what he spilt,
and the barmaid said "Blimey!, that's handy"

There once was a senator from Mass
Who drove home a most attractive lass!
Although he found her
He messed up and drowned her
And his chances for President did pass.

There once was a lady named Alice
who used dynamite as a phallus.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina.
The rest of her wound up in Dallas.

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes which left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And unless I'm quite wrong
You expected this line to be lewd.

There was a young man from Madrass
Who had both his balls dipped in brass.
He banged them together
And played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning came out of his ass.