WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING UP ON THE WALL FOR? THE JOKE IS IN YOUR HANDS.
- Mens room, Lynagh's Bar. Lexington, KY

NO MATTER HOW GOOD SHE LOOKS, SOME OTHER GUY IS SICK AND TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH HER SHIT.
- Men's room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

IF YOU CAN PISS THIS HIGH, JOIN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
- on the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 ft. O'Ryan's Irish Pub. Ashland Oregon

BEAUTY IS ONLY A LIGHT SWITCH AWAY
- Perkins Library. Duke University

I'VE DECIDED THAT TO RAISE MY GRADES I MUST LOWER MY STANDARDS.
- Houghton Library, Harvard University.

IF LIFE IS A WASTE OF TIME AND TIME IS A WASTE OF LIFE, THEN LET'S ALL GET WASTED TOGETHER AND HAVE THE TIME OF OUR LIVES.
- Maggies Pizza, Washington, D.C.

IF BUSH WERE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC, HE'D SAY WE WERE STOPPING FOR ICE.
-Smoky Joe's, Philadelphia

REMEMBER, IT'S NOT, "HOW HIGH ARE YOU?" IT'S "HI, HOW ARE YOU?"
- Rest Stop off Route 81, West Virginia

BEWARE OF LIMBO DANCERS
- On the bottom of the stall door, Women's bathroom, Broad Ripple Brew Pub, Indianapolis

GOD MADE POT, MAN MADE BEER. WHO DO YOU TRUST.
- The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.

IT'S HARD TO MAKE A COMEBACK WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE.
- written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, AZ

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR. HELL DO BOTH, GET MARRIED.
-Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

IF VOTING COULD REALLY CHANGE THINGS, IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL.
- Revolution Books, NY

A WOMAN'S RULE OF THUMB, IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE WITH IT.
- Women's restroom, Dallas, TX

JESUS SAVES! BUT WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN BETTER IF HE WOULD HAVE INVESTED.
- Mens restroom, American University

JUST 'CAUSE IT'S CLEAN DON'T MEAN IT'S FRESH.
- Port-O'-John's, Acadia Nat'l Park, Maine

IF PRO IS OPPOSITE OF CON, THEN WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS? CONGRESS.
- Men's restroom, House of Representatives, Washington, D.C.

BILL CLINTON THREW UP HERE.
- The Oyster Bar. Little Rock, AK

I USED TO BE INTO NECROPHILIA AND BEASTIALITY....BUT THEN I REALIZED I WAS JUST KICKING A DEAD HORSE.
- The Cellar Restaurant, VA

IF IT WASN'T INTENDED TO BE EATEN, IT WOULDN'T BE SHAPED LIKE A TACO.
- Nathan's, Washington, D.C.

HEY NIKE, I JUST DID IT.
- Tastee Diner, Bethesda, MD