Underlying need constantly urging me to do as I feel
I wonder if the snow will still fall if I were to close my eyes once and for all?
Maybe these tears that stain my face, would slowly leave me?
Never returning the embrace.
Constant Emotions,
Little do they reveal, of how I may be or of who I truly am.
Selfish underlying strength, Urges me to step outside and scream for me and for you to fall again
Speak out loud, the doors will always slam hard
Watching the falling baby,
As she crashes upon the ground.
Tossed from a window so high above, so unknown
Her hair a glowing blonde, her eyes a sea of blue.
They wonder who she is,
No one’s ever seen her here before
They’ve never heard her scream before
Slowly they walk to the dying girl,
Asking her from afar whom she fears and who put her hear.
“Everyone she answers, they all put me here”.
“Who put you here little girl? Who threw you to the ground?”
“Why, I did sir.” She answers in reply. “ They yelled for me to leave and never to return, I tried so hard to do them right. I couldn’t though, I swear.”
“Your hands are torn my dear and your hair seems ripped apart. Who yelled for you to leave, why don’t they want you near?”
“ My friends. Or at least once I did believe them to be my friends. They never spoke it to my face, only the angels did hear their words. Then they told me all the things they fear. The angels speak the truth they speak it peacefully. Answer me! Please I beg of you!! Answer me! Why must they hurt me so? Answer me.” Her voice seemed to slowly bleed.
“Little girl. Please don’t cry your tears burn and make my body ache. I wish I could give you an answer, yet in me that you will not find. I cannot tell you of the wretched trials of your life. If indeed there are wretched trials that is. Tell me your name. I promise you, we’ll help you. Just tell us your name and go in peace. Then your fears will end, I promise you this.”
“Promise? How can you promise anything, if you don’t even know me? Answer me that now. Tell me of why you can promise. Wretched? Has the word ever crossed your mind before? Do you even understand the word? Or is it just another part of your everyday empty thoughts? So many people know so many words. Yet they don’t truly understand any of them. How can you help me? Will you help me fly? Take me away from here? I don’t want to leave. The angels will take care of that. They’ll help me fly and die. Then live my life some other way. They can promise. But you sir, you cannot. For you don’t even know yourself, let alone me.”
“Excuse me little girl, whatever your name may be. You’ve gone insane, that’s why you feel this way. And why you have that pain. Nothing I do will help you. Nor the angels. Angels are just make believe little girl, they lead the path to fantasy and carry away the insanity. Let me pick you up and carry you away. They’ll keep you safe. We’ll carry you away.”
“For the last time Sir. You cannot help me. I’m not whom I appear to be. Have I not stated this before? And if I haven’t, it maybe of the fact it just occurred to me. Now that I know I’m not the same as you, I’m something-different, maybe you can see. That’s what made me fall in the first place. The fact that I am something different. Something unreal to most human desire and understanding, that pushed me over the edge and helped me fall. Now I understand the steps I've taken, each awkward moment and every fall from grace. Which seemed like every day. I'm an angel sir. A real angel."
“Insanity!” He screamed into her face and to the people standing around. As a tear fell and her tiny body began to shudder. “Pure insanity, no wonder her they told her to leave. She was never there to begin with. She always had “somewhere-else” to be. Never in my life have I met someone as insane as she who screams for angels and prays for truth and honesty.”
“Prayers for truth? Prayers for honesty? I do believe you’ve misunderstood the concept of prayer! Prayer, I suppose would be the asking of something from a higher power. Do you believe in a higher power? Do you believe in grace or faith or honesty or truth? People like you are what made me be. They made me leave and become an angel. Not by choice and not by need. I’ve always held it within me. Always has it been inside me. Screaming to break free and fly away. So I wish to you good sir. That you sit beside me hear and wonder yourself why you haven’t jumped from a window such as the one high above?”
“Excuse me Angel-Child. I do believe in a higher power. Also in faith and honesty and truth.”
“And what might they be? Explain to me.”
“ My higher power controls me and speaks of my actions. Faith is what I believe caused the higher power to change me and trust me. Honesty and truth is what really happened. The actual events themselves.”
“By that I say your wrong. Don’t get me wrong, for your opinions are valid, yet I don’t think you’ve ever seen the things I believe. My higher power fills me. Guides me and lets me breathe. It fills every void and every waking moment. Controls the rain and wind. Yet it does not blame, for “wrong”, as you say, is part of every life. My higher power puts that wrong into my life. For that reason, I cannot control. Faith may truly be the honesty and truth you have for yourself. And yourself alone. Grace, what do you think of grace. I feel you may have forgotten grace. Tell me of your trials for grace.”
“ Grace? Well…. I’m not entirely sure of that one. What can you say of grace? Does it breathe? Does it move? Or is just a hypothetical word? I’ve always known grace to be how smooth you are, how elegantly your body can move.”
“ Ha! Grace, How smooth you are? My dear friend there IS much for you to learn! I guess I never realized how blind some people truly are. Grace is what lets you be. Without grace, you dear sir would not be here. If Grace did not want you or believe in you, I’m very sure you wouldn’t be here. So calmly please whisper to me of grace. For grace is now behind you and occupies your space. Turn around!! Grace is behind you! Don’t you see? How can you not. She’s dressed in such a lengthy gown, made of such lace and glowing material.”
The man reacted oddly to this. He had felt someone standing beside him earlier and just a few moments ago someone behind him. Yet each time he went to turn around, no one was there. Not a soul in sight. Or should I say a person in sight. He slowly rose to his feet again and turned around. To his great amazement a woman was standing behind him, her gown of lengthy lace and glowing in a profound way. Her hair black and her face seemed desperately pale. Yet her hand reached out to hold his. And once again to his amazement he did so. He took her hand and their fingers intertwined. A calming sensation overcame him, as their fingers lay there intertwined. His breath hastened and his heart began to fly, she set her other hand upon his shaking hand that hung aside his body.
“Do not fear me. I shall not hurt nor cause pain. Pure grace. The allowance of sin and wrong I grant you. Yet I did grant this to you long ago. You always held it within your heart. Your selfish presence hide the flame.”
“How can I not fear?” The man replied with a slight anger in his voice. “ I’m supposed to forget everything I believe in and change my thought? Just because an “Angel” appeared?”
“ What exactly is it that you fear? Is it changing? Or just disbelief? You just should not fear. It’s quite simple. Close your eyes and breathe it all in, then breathe it all out. And accept it. Consider it a gift, a late gift. I’ve given this to you, for the fact that you were born.” Her voice was so smooth and understanding that all the people standing in amazement fell to their knees. It looked as if though they had surrendered to her consequences. Which obviously they all feared; that was an obvious assumption. With each gaze into his or her eyes, you saw such fear. A fear that had never been present before, and it caused great pain to her. The fear was of themselves. They had never before seen who they are, or what was hidden within themselves. Tears began to tumble down the man’s face as he regained some of his strength to sit up again
“Please….please! Explain this to me…..,” His voice trembled as tears ran down his face. He never cried, why were tears running down his face now?
"Explain what to you? Do you not know of how I am hurt? You took away my happiness and left me with pain and sorrow!" To Be Continued..........
