(The NEW Part:)
Here's a photo of me, looking pretty rugged, I must say:Okay, I guess that I should introduce myself. I'm Steve, or at least one aspect of the indescribable enigma that is Steve, anyway.
You'll probably learn a lot about me just by viewing this site, reading about the story of the Steves, and looking at the pictures of Steve's pals.
Kristina, Christmas 1979 or 1980BRAND SPANKIN' NEW BABY!!
What you've all been
waiting for... Pictures that will give you a peek into
the mysterious early life of ME.
Why she plays the piano, 1980
Her first attempt to pick up a hottie.
Roma!!THE MOST EXCITING TIME OF MY LIFE(Besides watching the Limp Bizkit video "Nookie" and getting freaked out!): Well, that would have to have been in July of this year (1999 for those who are a bit lost), when I went to Europe!!!! My favorite teacher from high school, Mr. Hillis, led nine of us crazy native Madrasonian youth on what can only be described as a wild, historic journey through time, space, and culture.
We raged with the nightlife in Athens, Greece... relaxed while cruising the islands of the Saronic Gulf... saw the navel of the earth in Delphi... observed cool old Italian men hanging out together in the town square of Ostuni... mocked mysterious ancient cone-shaped houses in the village of Arborobello... Toured the archeological site at Pompei, including a 2000-year-old whorehouse (wow!)... Endured a day in Florence to view the most amazing piece of art of all time: Michelangelo's David... And finally, discovered that Rome is the most beautiful and exciting city in the world!!!!!!
That freak in the picture is Wes Borland, the guitarist from that NOT
very talented band, Limp Bizkit. However, let me qualify
that comment by saying that although I find the group to
have no musical skill whatsoever, I still find several of
their tracks to be very seductive. Seductive in the sense
that songs such as "Faith" and "Nookie" somehow SEDUCE me
into not only LISTENING, but actually SINGING ALONG, and even
(oh, the horror) wanting to hear them again!!! Anyway,
the whole point of this is that Wes Borland and his weird
outfits and black contact lenses FREAK ME OUT!! Even more
than when I think about the ending of The Blair Witch
Project. It's scary, BUT I LOVE IT!!! UPDATE AS OF
AUG. 27, 1999: Okay, I admit it--I have PURCHASED the
Limp Bizkit CD, Significant Other, and I hereby
retract all previous statements asserting that the band
has no talent. Limp Bizkit rocks the house ya'll, and
Wes Borland is somewhat of a god. If there's one thing
Steve can do well, it's admit when she's wrong.
Upon reaching U.S. customs in the Atlanta airport,
Kristina suddenly became hysterical, refusing to move an
inch and screaming: "I spit on Americans! Les amercaines sont stupides! I
mock anyone who is not European! For as we all know, I
am actually a misplaced Roman living in an American hell-pit!
Take me back to Rome, back to my FAMILY!!!!!"
Along with her snappy new European attitude, some other things that
Kristina procured while in Greece and Italy include:
a very expensive bottle of Italian wine... some hand-made
decorative pillowcases from Greece... silver jewelry
from Florence... a small replica of the Kariatides (K.'s
favorite architectural item at the Acropolis)... a cheesy
apron that says "ciao!"... and a chess set from Italy!!
Overall, I would say that if what you're looking for is
a good laugh, time to goof off, and a gold-mine of material
to make jokes about.... EUROPE IS THE PLACE FOR YOU, BABY!!!
In all seriousness, for a great time and many good laughs,
there is nothing like a heady combination of ancient
art/architecture/culture and the modern world.
It'll get your lazy American juices flowing like
nothing else!
Now, just so that you can get inside my head a little
bit, let me just show you something that really
FREAKS ME OUT, BABY, yeah! Here it is:
Education: Class of 1995, Madras High School, Madras, Oregon
Occupation: Vapid whore.... oh, and when I'm not doing that, you might have noticed that I'm a perpetual student.
Other Things I Do: I write things down on pieces of paper... any pieces, it doesn't really matter. More specifically, I write screenplays. To be honest, I write what could be called fragments of screenplays,
because for the most part, everything I write is currently unfinished. I have a theory about this though, so don't worry, I've got it under control. My theory is that the reason I can't finish anything completely right now is that
I as a student at the U of O, I produce an average of 3-5 academic writings per week... This brings me to my next point...
I hate academic writing.
I also dislike most poetry, but I'm seriously working on that--I'm learning to love poetry! Or at least stand it.
Ironically, I am an English major.
What I really love to do is help people learn. I currently volunteer at South Eugene High School as an academic tutor... After I finish my (horrendously boring) undergraduate English degree, I plan on
doing a master's degree in teaching, so I can spread my love of learning to the world!!!!!!! Oh happy day!!!! hehe poor kids
Even More Things I Do: I volunteer abut 8-10 hours a week as a tutor at South Eugene High School...
I watch movies. Popular culture is fascinating, especially as it appears in the products of the film industry.
My favorite recent movie is "Can't Hardly Wait." I find that teen movies are oddly insightful, and speak to a
place inside me that probably shouldn't exist.
I play the piano(about once every three months, sadly...
I have an extensive collection of old and interesting neckties (it's true!)...
On occasion I jump into the recording studio with my sister and lay down some phat trax
(okay, we have a tape recorder, two mics, and we make fun of the various stereotypical groups
found in our home town -- we're just waiting for that HBO deal to come through)...
One time, (I swear this happened) I could have caught a plastic cup that bass player Jason Newsted
threw into the crowd at a Metallica concert, but I let these hairy-backed, wife-beater-wearing freakos
get it instead...
I go to lots of concerts... (Beastie Boys, Violent Femmes, Garbage, Metallica, Grateful Dead, Black Happy, Beck, No Doubt, Green Day, George Clinton... to name a few favorites).
I have favorite things.
My favorite rock: A big, porous, cinder rock down below my parents house. I used to play
there all the time when I was little. A car crashed there once, probably about 1975, and there used to be
glass and metal everywhere. We used to collect the glass and pretend it was some
kind of precious jewel. Also, there was moss around the rock, which we used to peel off and play with.
My favorite writer/director: Kevin Smith, whose credits include: "Clerks," "Mallrats," "Chasing Amy," and
the upcoming "Dogma." He also plays the role of Silent Bob in all of those movies. I would love to meet this man.
His dialogue makes me believe that there is intelligent thought left in the world.
My favorite mountain range: The Cascades... which are the amazing backdrop of the house I grew up in. And which cannot
be seen from the valley hell where I now live. :)
My favorite author:: P.G. Wodehouse. Hands down,
bar none, good old Pelham Grenville was THE MAN. He
wrote nearly one hundred novels, about five hundred
articles and essays, sixteen plays, plus screenplays
and lyrics for musical comedies. His best-loved creation
is the master-servant team of Bertie Wooster, the likable
nitwit, and Jeeves, his mentally superior valet and protector.
Steve's recommendation for beginners: the collection of
Jeeves/Wooster short stories called Enter Jeeves.
My favorite book: It's a tie. Either "Pride and Prejudice," by Jane Austen........... or "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," by Hunter S. Thompson (bet you didn't see that pair coming).
My favorite song: Oh, this time it's a three-way tie... "Soul to Squeeze," by the Red Hot Chili Peppers OR "Going Down to Die" by
Danzig OR MAYBE EVEN "Hey Ladies" by the Beastie Boys.
I also really like a new Santana song called "Smooth."
Another favorite is "Riding Down the Canyon," as performed by my dad on the Outhouse Singers album.
My favorite thing to do at work: Work on my web page!!!!!!!
One of my least favorite things: Trucks that bombard one's windshield with rocks. For example, I was innocently driving back to school via the
Santiam Pass at 7:00 AM on a Monday morning... When suddenly, a semi ripped by and sent an asteroid-size piece of lava rock flying into my sight-path.
Now my brand new car has been "newly branded" with the hideous mark of smashed glass the size of a dime.
Well, thanks for taking the time to learn about who I am... It's been fun and it's been real, but it hasn't been fun rea----wait a minute, that's not right.....
You can see more lovely pictures of me, my family, and my dearest friends at the Friends Page.
Sincerely, Kristina Elizabeth Granby, A.K.A. "Steve," co-author of Steve's Buffalo Bits.
MAIN
| INTRO
| CONTENTS
| STEVESTORY
| BUFFBITS
| MUSIC
| KRISTINA
| FRIENDS
| MOVIES
| ACTORS
| GAMES
| STARWARS
| RANDOM
| GUESTBOOK
(The Old--yet still interesting--Stuff)
BIOGRAPHY OF KRISTINA:
Born: October 3, 1977 in Portland, Oregon
Central Oregon Community College, Bend, Oregon (1995-1998)
University of Oregon, Eugene, Oregon (1998-PRESENT)
*Note: There's a rumor that I might actually graduate this December...