Steve's Funniest Game Rules

These games are meant to be played for fun, within the boundaries of safe living, and with a beverage of one's own personal choice (whether that be whiskey sours, warm milk, or bottled water).

NEW!!!!

THE STAR WARS TRILOGY DRINKING GAME

To play the Star Wars Drinking Game, you will need:
—The Star Wars trilogy on tape (or one movie for a short game) —An ample supply of your favorite beverage —A really good sound system, so the explosions seem to happen all around you. Kapow! (Optional)
Begin by inserting your weatherbeaten "Star Wars" videotape into the big slot on your VCR. Dim the lights for dramatic effect, and push play. The game begins right as "20th Century Fox" appears on the screen.
Once the game has begun, you watch the movie for the listed events. Every time one of them occurs, everybody takes a sip of their drink.

DRINK WHEN:
Someone has a bad feeling about this.
It's their only hope.
An entire planet is described/shown as having one climate.
Somebody gets choked.
A woman other than Leia is on screen.
An old Jedi starts to ramble about the Force (Vader counts!).
Somebody's hand gets cut off.
A gigantic technological marvel explodes in a single blast.
There is a tremor in the Force.
It's not someone's fault!
One or more heroes are almost eaten by a Thing.
A Jedi is much more powerful than he looks.
Someone exclaims "No!!!"
Someone does something apparently suicidal that turns out to be a good idea (Drink TWICE if it's NOT Han Solo).
Someone wears the same outfit in all three movies – it counts if they change at the end.
Someone is mind-controlled using the Force.
People kiss.
A good guy wears white or a bad guy wears black.
– Drink twice if a bad guy wears white and a good guy wears black (for uniforms, only the first person on screen counts).
–Drink three times if someone hovering in between wears gray.
Every time you find yourself talking to the people on screen.
Someone or something tries to get money from Han.
Some ship crashes into something after being hit.
Someone has a light saber duel (includes just using light saber).
An Ewok dies, and the camera lingers onger than it did when the Death Star exploded, killing billions of people. (Fourteen seconds.. Count ‘em).
It is Luke's destiny.
Luke whines.
Luke discovers a long-lost relative.
Luke fights monsters or savages.
Luke does some nifty acrobatic flip.
Luke teeters on the brink of a chasm.
Luke is upside-down.
Luke and Lando are in the same place at the same time.
—Twice if they speak to each other.
Luke's parentage is Foreshadowed.
Luke refuses to take someone's advice.
Luke yellls "Artooooooo!"
Leia insults somebody.
Leia wears an outfit that covers everything except her face and hands.
–Twice if it covers her neck.
–Three times if she's almost totally nude.
Obi-Wan Kenobi materializes for a guest appearance.
Obi-Wan Kenobi plays detective: ("...Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
Han brags about the Millenium Falcon.
Anybody insults the Millenium Falcon.
Something doesn't work on the Falcon.
–Twice if it's the hyperdrive.
Yoda uses bad grammar.
Yoda talks like a fortune cookie.
R2-D2 gets thrashed.
R2-D2 plugs into the wrong socket and his head spins around.
C-3PO informs us a just how many forms of communication he's familiar with.
A rebel pilot is of a race other than white.
–Twice if they're non-human (co-pilots count).
A rebel pilot says "Nice shot..."
A rebel pilot says "I've been hit..."
Tarkin brags about the Death Star.
The Emperor cackles evilly.
The Emperor has foreseen something.
Vader runs into one of his kids and doesn't recognize them.
–Twice if he tries to kill them.
Boba Fett talks.
Stormtroopers shoot everywhere but where they're aiming.
Stormtrooper armor proves completely useless.
Any Imperial ship is destroyed.
A TIE fighter explodes for no reason.
The game ends when a bunch of Ewoks start dancing. No matter what you've been drinking,you will remember this image. The last person to give up drinking on each cue is the winner. Of course, ties are possible. If at some point you find that no one can successfully operate the VCR anymore, the game may as well be abandoned.

!!!!!SPECIAL!!!!!!!
...And especially for those non-drinkers and those who would prefer not to spend the whole trilogy gulping down liquids and subsequently running for the bathroom for bladder relief, there is:

THE STAR WARS DRINKING GAME FOR MORMONS
The rules are basically the same as the other game, but the drinking cues are different. Drink when:
Stormtroopers display intelligence, courage, or training in battle.
Multiple Ewoks are killed.
Somebody listens to C-3PO.
Somebody cares about the environment.
The Emperor acts like a charming politician.

THE KEVIN SMITH SERIES

If you have paid any attention AT ALL to this site, you will be fully aware of the fact that Kevin Smith is Steve's all-time favorite writer/director. She now owns an autographed copy of the Clerks poster, along with a certified set of original film frames from the Clerks film reels. Along with his team of fellow creative geniuses at View Askiew Productions, Kevin Smith has provided popular culture with refreshing and intelligent films. Now let's drink to Kevin!!

The Unofficial Clerks Drinking Game

General Rules (Apply To All 3 Films...)

· Any reference to hockey is made (1 drink).
· A character from another Askew-niverse film is mentioned (1 drink).
· Jay or Silent Bob raise their fist to someone approaching them (1 drink).
· A pop culture reference is made (2 drinks, use your own discretion.)
· Any character gives another character advice that he/she received from his/her grandmother (2 drinks).
· Any reference of Rick Derris having sex with someone is made (2 drinks).
· Jay gives or offers any drug to another character (2 drinks).
· Walt Flanagan's dog is mentioned in any context (3 drinks).
· (OPTIONAL) Choose a character and drink once each time their name is mentioned.
ONE Drink WHEN...
· Someone buys a pack of cigarettes (2 if this person happens to be a little girl).
· A customer asks, "Are you open?" (3 drinks if the reply is "NO!!!").
· Dante proclaims, "I'm not even supposed to BE here today!"
· Dante slams the cash register door closed in anger.
· A lyric from "Berserker" is sung.
· A reference to Star Wars is made.
TWO Drinks WHEN...

· Someone says "37".
· A scene is inserted to allow a cut to break up a long take.
· Quik Stop or RST Video's doors are locked during normal business hours.
· Randall insults a customer.
· Someone mentions smelling the odor of shoe polish.
· Someone says, "Bunch of savages in this town."
THREE Drinks WHEN...
· Someone screws a dead guy.
· A word from one of your high school vocabulary quizzes that you can't define appears onscreen.
· Lenin's Tomb is onscreen.
· Randal is seen "working" behind the counter at RST video.
SPECIAL CASE

· Silent Bob has a line (6 big ones!).

The Unofficial Mallrats Drinking Game

General Rules (Apply To All 3 Films...)

· Any reference to hockey is made (1 drink).
· A character from another Askew-niverse film is mentioned (1 drink).
· Jay or Silent Bob raise their fist to someone approaching them (1 drink).
· A pop culture reference is made (2 drinks, use your own discretion.)
· Any character gives another character advice that he/she received from his/her grandmother (2 drinks).
· Any reference of Rick Derris having sex with someone is made (2 drinks).
· Jay gives or offers any drug to another character (2 drinks).
· Walt Flanagan's dog is mentioned in any context (3 drinks).
· (OPTIONAL) Choose a character and drink once each time their name is mentioned.
ONE Drink WHEN...

· Silent Bob attempts the Jedi mind trick.
· T.S. whines about Brandi.
· You catch a glimpse of Brodie's dixie cup.
· Rene gets pissed at Brodie (2 if she physically hits him in the process).
· The food court is seen or mentioned.
TWO Drinks WHEN...

· Brodie waxes philosophical on comic books.
· Willam tries to find the hidden picture.
· LaFours takes off or loses his hat.
· Somebody notices an unsupervised child riding the escalator.
· Shannon touches someone on the ass.
· Brodie says, "Holy Shit!".
THREE Drinks WHEN...

· A character describes Shannon's sexual habits.
· The Easter Bunny is accosted.
· Brodie discusses superhero sex organs or Lois Lane's fertility.
· Jay and Silent Bob make a failed attempt to wreck the stage.
· Someone mentions the back seat of a volkswagon.
· Brodie refers to the place as "my mall".
SPECIAL CASES

· The last person to scream in terror at the sight of Mr. Svenning's bare ass drinks 5. (In the event of a tie, EVERYONE drinks 5.)
· When Brodie offers a sip out of his dixie cup to Shannon, finish your beer!

The Unofficial Chasing Amy Drinking Game

General Rules (Apply To All 3 Films...)

· Any reference to hockey is made (1 drink).
· A character from another Askew-niverse film is mentioned (1 drink).
· Jay or Silent Bob raise their fist to someone approaching them (1 drink).
· A pop culture reference is made (2 drinks, use your own discretion.)
· Any character gives another character advice that he/she received from his/her grandmother (2 drinks).
· Any reference of Rick Derris having sex with someone is made (2 drinks).
· Jay gives or offers any drug to another character (2 drinks).
· Walt Flanagan's dog is mentioned in any context (3 drinks).
· (OPTIONAL) Choose a character and drink once each time their name is mentioned.
ONE Drink WHEN...

· Someone says the word "lesbian".
· A character tells a story that involves a flashback.
· A character drinks (any beverage).
· A character is seen smoking a cigarette (2 if you see them LIGHT the cigarette).
TWO Drinks WHEN...

· Alyssa cries (4 drinks if actual tears are seen).
· Banky makes a homophobic comment.
· A character drinks Pete's Wicked Ale.
· Hooper appears in the "Hooper X" character.
· An actor or actress from a previous Kevin Smith movie appears onscreen(not including Holden, Alyssa, or Banky. We're not responsible for your actions if you DO decide to include them.).
· Holden hits Banky.
THREE Drinks WHEN...

· Brian O'Hallaran is onscreen. If you don't know who Brian is, drink 6.
· A character bashes the Hartford Whalers.
· Holden thinks that Alyssa wants him.
· Jay & Silent Bob appear.
· The Pete's Wicked Ale logo appears onscreen, but no one is drinking it.
· Holden cries.
· The "shared moment" hand gesture is made.
SPECIAL CASES

· When Banky declares, "Bring on the free hooch!", say the phrase along with him or pay the price: 5 big ones. An excellent punishment for rookies.

Coming soon: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer Drinking Game!!!

Email: kgranby@gladstone.uoregon.edu