I am 49 years old, and a healer on a medicine path, thoug much time lately has been taken up by my wife's health problems and my own. I suppose this is one way for the Universe to take me up on my desire to learn to Heal. Tsalagi, Scot and Irish descent (well,okay, some French, too). Professional musician and songwriter/singer (with BMI). Amateur mycolgist, woodsman, masseur, intuitive counselor. 6'2", 190 lbs, mostly green eyes that were very myopic, now are 20-15 after cataract surgery. What a wonderful gift! A martial artist for over 30 years, I now have a back injury which has prevented my being active in that or in rock climbing, something I also used to enjoy very much. With five back surgeries behind me (no pun intended) and at least one more to go, I am constantly trying to adapt. I've recently found an Aikido and kenjutsu instructor some time ago who was willing to work with my disability, and I enjoyed that very much; it felt good to have a sword in my hands again. Another blown disk stopped that though. Hopefully I'll be able to pick it up again.
I am very happily married to Koloneh. We're both interested in NA medicine guidance.
I am generally a happy, gregarious person, and an inveterate (but basically harmless) flirt. I tend to prefer the company of women; my wife prefers that of men, so THAT works out well! *G* I enjoy company, and I enjoy silence. I have an artist's eye for feminine beauty, but for me anyway, personality is a great part of that beauty. Koloneh, fortunately, understands me probably better than I do myself; she's a wonderful lady, and is not at all insecure (for good reason). She knows, for instance, that if I ever quit looking, she should bury me as I've obviously died and neglected to decently keel over. I feel that, of all the beautiful things in the Universe, there is simply NOTHING more beautiful than a woman. There are things that come close, but only close. She also knows I'll never do more than look.
I also love cats (we are shared by ten at the moment), and animals in general (we also have two tarantulas), which often seem to trust me quickly, even "wild" animals - like the 9 skunks who live under the house... We have a new addition, a cat named Midnight, who was a feral, born in an abandoned house a couple of houses from here. Apparantly he always knew he was supposed to own SOMEbody, so when I went out to feed the ferals, he would come up and demand to be held and loved on, so now he lives with us and seems quite content.
Both of us are comfortable in silence and dislike foolishness, so we watch very little TV. We are both avid readers, and we both love the woods.
What with the 2004 election, I had to put up with an overdose of foolishness and outright stupidity, and recovery might take a while; at least four years, I figure. Watching the "neocons" purge the government, lie, steal, and change the laws, I feel as some Germans must have felt watching Chancellor Hitler take over the country, seeing the lies and the evil and being unable to get anyone to listen. It is frightening and frustrating, but I do what I can to get people to open their eyes and just LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE. Still somehow though, people insist that things like DOJ reports (and many from other agencies) and other verifiable facts are easily dismissed as "Bush bashing". I hope they don't find out like Germany did: after losing a war with the rest of the civilized world. Pray for us all, friends!
I'm an incurable buttinski, also. I can't resist trying to help someone in need - part of my healer's nature, I suppose.
THINGS IMPORTANT TO ME
Something I would like to add here is that I am a chronic pain patient. About 19,000 of us in the U.S. commit suicide every year because, due to apathy, ignorance, belief in government propaganda or fear of government prosecution (with good reason), doctors refuse to prescribe adequate medication to treat the problem. There is no excuse for this; the law not only permits proper treatment, it REQUIRES it and attacks by the DEA can be fought if a doctor is truly dedicated to his/her patients. Please check the SPSH Paincoalition site in my links, find other Chronic Pain URL's through any search engin and do whatever you can to help! I am one of the lucky ones, though I was almost one the 19,000. My own story regarding my ordeal due to chronic pain from street person back to useful, contributing citizen is on the SPSH Paincoalition homepage under "Listening to the Pain".
Also under my links are two physicians, Dr.s Nelson Hendler and William Horowitz. They are two of the premier researchers in the new treatment paradigm for chronic pain, and they practice what they preach in their own offices. Dr. Hurwitz, I am sad to say, was recently hounded out of business by the ONDCP and the DEA beyond his ability to pay for continued legal defense. He was also concerned for his patients, who were being attacked also. I have had three doctors want to put me on the Oregon Medical Marijuana program both for nearly untreateble nausea along with the nerve pain but have had to refuse, as the DEA chooses to ignore state autonomy in setting medical standards along with every other piece of legislation they don't like and hound some doctors out of nusiness, and sometimes into prison for following current accepted (except by the Federal Government) medical standards. If you care, GET ACTIVE!
Of course, the two most important parts of my life are my wife and son. My wife is, for me, a miracle I had thought I would never be fortunate enough to find, considering my physical damage and the course my life has taken. She is wonderfully patient with my faults (with which she is fully familiar), and is completely supportive of me - also something unusual in my life. I love this lady with all my heart.
In the last few years we have gone through some terribly difficult times, and my wife contracted her 4th case of pneumonia, developed a complication called an "empyema" which required an operation and almost killed her. She's lost drastic amounts of weight, and we are trying to figure out how we can follow the advice of three doctors and have her go on disability (she is still not recovering well after almost 3 years) without losing the house and everything else we have. "Help" agencies seem to require that one lose everything before they'll lift a finger; with the Bush administration, that is becoming even worse, but we'll make it one way or another
My son is now twenty-four, and is also a gifted musician and songwriter, as well as an actor with a gift for comedy. As it turns out, he also shares my passion for edged weapons, swords in particular. You'll find his homepages in my links. I am endlessly amazed by and very proud of him. He hasn't had an easy time of it, yet has remained the sweet-natured soul he was as a small child. He is now living with a lovely young lady and her two children. It's fun watching my boy be a father to them; he's a good one.
Of our grandchildren (through my stepson, Erin), we see none. I guess we're just a "bad influence". *S* With our health problems and the house falling apart right along with us, it would be difficult to have them here much. I'm hoping the next operation will change that. The li'l beasties are only small once!
Following is the text of my 1998 Father's Day gift from my son. It touched me very deeply, and made Koloneh cry. It may seem egotistical to include it here, but it pleases me to do so, so here it is. Originally I included it in my links, but as he used my correct name, which I give out with care on the Net, this is edited to remove that. I should also mention here that we saw each other little as he was growing up. I was badly injured, trying to find treatment and was unable to work - sometimes unable to stand or afford to eat, much less travel. He turned out wonderfully anyway, and has been forgiving and very helpful to his beat-up old man and his step-mom, who also loves him dearly. The boy has a healer's touch.
HEYOKAT: THE COOLEST FATHER IN THE WORLD
i remember being little. looking for encouragement and an occasional kind word. My father provided these, and much, much more. he was one of the few adults i felt i could trust completely and confide in. He had this open, honest aura about him that seemed to me like a neon sign saying, "HEY! NO BULLSHIT HERE!" i appreciated that. and STILL do. He's more than a father, he's also a really good friend. How many fathers are there that would come into your room to turn your music UP? How many fathers make sure you're comfortable and happy without seeming to go out of their way to do it? How many fathers turn you loose to party on the 4th of july? ...and how many fathers will openly accept you for WHO you are, and give you advice without shoving it down your throat? I can proudly say that i have a father that does all of these. there's an old saying, "like father, like son". well god, i hope so. if my father is what i have to look forward to, i'm in great shape!
Top ten reasons Dad rules
#10: He doesn't live in Ridgecrest
#9: He manages to drive around those weird drivers he seems to attract
#8: He knows how to work the esspresso machine
#7: He sits through all those movies i force on him
#6: He makes a great chair for cats
#5: jello (no hidden meaning, jello just has to be #5 in every top 10 list)
#4: He has a WONDERFUL sense of humor (thank god!)
#2: He has character that would make the Highlander jealous
#1: He has a heart of gold that he spreads on his loving wife and son
Caring about people is also a priority for me, and I am colorblind when it comes to human beings. I value our differences and enjoy teachings, food and many other things from many different cultures. I find no excuse for bigotry, apathy, or cruelty, and I do NOT tolerate them. These are NOT opinions, they are beliefs, and like love, belief ACTS.
Although I find stupidity difficult to be around, I can live with ignorance somewhat as it is curable, though I can't help trying either to cure it or to motivate it's cure.
ON AWARENESS
I hear so many people complaining about how boring life is, that there is no magic, and so on. To me, this seems incredible. In day to day living, there is so much going on around us that, as aware as I try to be, I feel that I miss so much! People are, to me, the most interesting things on the planet - I never tire of watching them, speaking with them (whatever their age) and trying to figure them (and myself) out.
From watching the tiny world in the jungle of the grass in my backyard to watching children to enjoying the forest and it's life, I find the world to be full of miracles and magic. I try to be aware of everything around me as much as I can, and I am constantly learning. Much of what I learn seems trivial to many people, and perhaps some of it is, but much of what I learn in one place is applicable elsewhere, and I feel that no knowledge is ever useless. If you are bored, you are closed down for some reason - wake up and look around! Or look within yourself, as you are no less a miracle and magical than any of the magic all around you.
Regarding knowledge, about 90% of everything the human race has ever learned has been learned in the last decade, and almost all of it is freely available! Throughout most of history, knowledge has been the zealously guarded treasure of a select few. It may become so again, but for now it is all there for the effort of reaching out for it. For myself, I want to learn everything about everything. I don't expect to live long enough to succeed, but I'm having a wonderful time trying.
I have only found a few things that I think of as "laws" in this world. One is that THINGS CHANGE. With the possible exception of that one. *G* I tend to pity people I see who are fighting desperately to maintain the status quo they are comfortable with; I far as I can determine, "status" has never been "quo". The universe and everything in it flows. As Frank Herbert said, every sense we have is an instrument exquisitely designed for reacting to change. This is life, and our use of our senses is a direct measurement of our involvement in it.
Another "law" is that everything is connected to everything else. We can harm nothing, nurture nothing, change nothing, without affecting everything to one degree or another. So many people are so short-sighted I find it difficult to understand. The consequences of their own actions and inactions constantly take them by surprise; they often fail to see any connection at all between their own actions and the results. I believe that we create our own reality more literally than most people realize. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE!
ON LOVE
There is too little love in the world, and often too much to pay for small joys. I feel that any companionship, caring and sharing we can find is a good thing as long as no one is abused.
One thing I've noticed for certain about love is that, to repeat something worth repeating, LOVE ACTS! Love cannot sit on it's hands and do nothing. Also, the best definition of love I've seen so far was written by Robert Heinlein: "Love is that condition wherein the happiness and well-being of another is essential to your own". If what you feel causes you to act in any other way, it is not love but something else. Look at what you feel closely. Too many people classify a need for ownership, for control or other things as love. It's a sad comment that the song by Sting, "Every Breath You Take", which is about a terribly disfunctional relationship, is considered an "Our Song", a song defining their relationship, by so many people who have obviously missed the point.
With everything I've written about love, sex and relationships, it may seem that I have a one track mind. I suppose this is possible, but it doesn't bother me as I feel it's the main track. There is nothing more important than love and children - these are the substance of the present and the promise of the future. These are the wellspring of our joy, and the reason and means of our survival, without which everything else is pointless.
People, I have found, hear and say "I love you" in different ways. Things that may seem silly or unimportant to you may be terribly important to your partner. Find out what these things are! Usually they are "small" things: cleaning up after yourself, giving your partner a break. Guys, give her flowers sometimes just because a woman should get flowers now and then. Brush her hair, rub her feet, bring her coffee in the morning, pet her awake - or to sleep. Shower together and scrub her back. Even if you never use the words "I love you", (not a good idea), these kinds of things will tell her so more clearly than just words ever could. You can't have sex 24-7, but you can make love every moment you're together!
Regarding September 11th, it's hard to know what to say. There is a group of people who are stuck in the Dark Ages, and they are as vicious as the Catholic Church of that time was. Life, especially the lives of "unbelievers," is without value to them. Genocide is, to them, a perfectly legitimate solution to international problems, and there is no negotiating with them. I hate war, and killing is, MUST be, a last resort in the face of deadly threat. Well, they ARE a deadly threat, and they have left us no other options. As much as I have become a man of peace as I have aged, I am still a proud veteran, and if I were not too old and damaged, I would join up again in a heartbeat!
I wrote the preceding paragraph just after 9-11, and I have learned a lot since then: I've learned that Bush lied about EVERY REASON HE GAVE for going into Iraq - his agenda there was personal, business, and a part of his Imperial America design. We screwed up in Afghanistan and Iraq, and we'll no doubt do the same with regard to Iran and Syria when we invade them, which we will, I'm certain. As for North Korea, I only pray that we don't end up using nukes, though I am almost certain that we will. Unless people smarten up, unless the Corporate Media start putting the truth and the American people's NEED to know ahead of profits and "access", this country is doomed on many fronts.
Bush claims to be a "compassionate conservative"; he is neither. Sadly, my trying to tell you won't make much difference; you need to go LOOK FOR YOURSELF. Find news sources other than Big Media. A very good one called Alternet is in my lists below, as is DRCNet. If you want to keep America a democracy in any form at all, remember that freedom must be maintained or it will be taken and DO something about it!
This is an evil that threatens all civilizations today. These people are not sane by any standard I value, and along with everything else, they desecrate a great religion of peace and blacken it's name before the world. They are NOT Islam. They only use it, and the poorly educated youth they can reach, to achieve political ends, and they are merciless to those they hate, to genuine Muslims who adhere to the truth of their religion and will not follow them, and to their own people. They are Wahabbists, and they go against almost everything Islam teaches. Their base is Saudi Arabia, which our oil- and power-hungry government will not touch. Sadly, before the world can move forward, these people MUST be destroyed, lest they destroy all that we value. As wiser folk than I have said, those who have no sword can still die upon one, and Wahabbists insist that killing ANYONE who believes anything other than what they teach - men, women, children, the aged - are legitimate targets.
Something I must add here is that the Bush administration does NOT understand regular (if there is such a thing in such a diverse group) Muslim culture, and are not interested in learning. They fire any advisors who tell them what they don't want to hear, daydream whatever result they want, and treat it as though it's a true thing! They ignore inconvenient science, marginalize other views, and seem to feel that might does indeed make right. One government official remarked that since America is the only truly Christian country (! I thought there was no official religion here, but it seems I was wrong), what we do is obviously God's Will. It REALLY scares me that that statement doesn't seem to scare anyone else. Bush says the Right Words, prays (in public, anyway), and people ignore everything else that gives the lie to that statement and follow blindly. Somehow we MUST wake the rest of this country up to the truth before we really ARE at war with the rest of the world. I have no doubt that Bush would use our nuclear arsenal if he felt cornered. He's already responsible for the deaths and maimings of hundreds of thousands - what's a few million more?
If you want to know more, use my email address and drop me line! I'd be happy to send you documentation of all of the statements I've made regarding the Bush administration, the War On Drugs (and patients, and doctors, and schools and schoolchildren, and the VA, and the nmilitary, etc, etc) and about chronic pain control.
These are the most typical, least scroungy-looking pics I could find of yours truly
These are three VERY special kids to whom I am an honorary uncle - and it is INDEED an honor! It has been a wonderful and amazing thing to see them grow up. They are: Lil Vixen (the gorgeous one, obviously; I'll include her first name if and when I have her permission), and two of her three brothers. They are all beautiful kids, as well as being very sharp, and very loving.
This is our cat (one of eleven, now) C.J. - short for Calamity Jane - eyeing one
of the skunks that lives under the house. When we forget to feed them, they
come in the cat door and eat out of the cat's food bowl to remind us. As skunks
go though, they've been good neighors, all things considered. All we have to do
is tell them, "Oops; I forgot. Go on outside and I'll bring it out." They waddle
peacefully on out the cat door, no problem. So far - over four years now - no one's
been zapped.
Changed my other mind *BG* - Here's a way to learn a little more
about me. These are the lyrics to some copyrighted songs I've written.
Soft as butterfly wings against my cheek
Sweet as fennel in spring, you fill my need
The haven I require most
When winter's come upon my soul
Oh, all my dreams must lead me back to wakefulness and you
Clear as some mountain spring upon the land
Somehow you always know to take my hand
Or let me sit in silence
'Till I know how to be filled
Or my companion,
Fight beside me 'till the pain is stilled
.
(CHORUS)
My love, I don't know how I'd fare alone
You are my choice,
My Spirit's Only Home
And when we sleep I feel your presence
Sweet beside me like a present
Sent by some kind fate to say I'm not alone
Bright as candles in mid night are your eyes
A quiet place of welcome out of time
And forests somewhere in your mind
Reflect a hint of green sometimes
And celebrations old when only torches held the night
(CHORUS)
That one is Koloneh's favorite, so it's her song.
I remember people's faces
Long gone friends and long lost places
Memories that never faded, and touch me still today
I remember stories told
Adventures, treasures, hidden gold
And love the years have seen grow old
That never goes away
A princess gives a toad a kiss
He turns into a handsome prince
Ah, but anymore it seems like this
Just works the other way
All the stories read before we slept
Are promises life never kept
But deep inside there's something left,
Or I could never say
(Chorus)
Are you the princess I've been looking for?
Do you believe in happ'ly ever after anymore?
Is the girl who dreamed her prince would come
Still hoping in her heart for one -
Is there room for magic anymore?
Are you the princess I've been looking for?
I know my armor's not that bright
I can't find dragon one to fight
My charger's blue instead of white; it needs work anyway.
I'm really not a prince I know,
Until a princess tells me so
Believes in me with all her soul,
And makes me feel that way.
Your father may not be a king,
But that doesn't mean a thing
Real love changes everything
If you'll believe it come what may.
Girl, I want a chance to see you shine,
To touch the princess deep inside you
And keep the promise all our childhood stories ever made
(Chorus)
Love can blind us, hypnotize us, show us what we wish to see
The one we love may look like everything we wish our love to be
We look their way and our hearts ache badly, our arms become an empty place
We have to hold that sweet young body - damn consequences, this is fate!
A face somehow can reach inside, engrave itself upon our heart
Our dreams are bottomless desire, a hole the shape of who we want
But what book is the cover only, once we have it in our hands?
So often what we reached for isn't - what we find we have
Don't let your loneliness behind the wheel
It knows not where it goes
Don't let your heart replace your eyes
It's best to take it slow
You never know just who's inside
Or what a pretty face may hide
It's better if you use your time
To find out just what's real
Your loneliness has no true map
Don't let it take the wheel
In a pristine face unmarked by time, what stories can you read?
Hopes, ambitions, depths unplumbed; blank pages, white and clean
Time has barely dipped his pen, and though the outline may be fair
Your would-be love stands where you've been; the depth is not yet there
Autumn loving Spring is just as natural as trees
For Fall remembers what it was, and has so much to teach
But Autumn turns to winter when the Spring begins to bloom
Spring can't stay where Autumn lives, and both fade much too soon
My brother wrote the music to that one.
Sometimes we find a new friend that it seems we've known forever
They hold a key that fits our souls, or find that secret lever
That moves us from foundations we have always thought secure
And it leaves us happy, dazed, and just a little bit unsure
So Dance With Me
Come Dance With me
However well they fit our lives, they're always something new
And the beast within from our first yesterdays is watching, too
He lives still at the dawn of time, when trust was slow to come
But the ancient rituals of love, The Dance must still be done
So Dance With Me
Come Dance With me
You see, a friendship is a treasure never lightly thrown away
And our first fear can be measure of our need to stay
So Dance With Me a little while to calm our wary friend
We know the Dance for what it is, and it's ours to start or end
So dance With Me
Come Dance With Me
Oh, Dance With Me
The girl just won't believe that she can sing
But I can hear her heart when she's smiling
And we can sing together when we're near
Without a sound another soul could hear
She rarely comes to hear me when I play
But I can feel her love all around me
I think she thinks she'd scare the fans away
But I think love's just that much more sweet light to shine
(CHORUS)
She holds me close to her heart
Even when we are apart
And if I stood upon the moon, I could not feel alone
She holds me close when we're near
And her love's so strong and clear
That wherever we're together, that's my home
She holds me close
She knows exactly all my weakest points
She just shores me up, accepts me as I am
And when I make some damned-fool, dim mistake
She just tells me once, and lets it go at that
If I had sat down and had tried to make a plan
To give to God and say, "Here's what I want!"
I'd have fallen so far short of who she is
And I'd have missed so much of who I have become
Oh, she tells me what I do for her is more than what I see
But all I've ever done is love her, and I love her lovin' me
My Favorite Links
Angelfire - Easiest Free Home Pages
The Pain Page
My son's homepage (Runs in the family, it seems)
Serena Rainbow's homepage - A neat, sweet lady!
Maureen's HP;SPSH Paincoalition
Pain treatment laws and regulations
Anne McCaffrey's homepage
Dr. William Hurwitz' HP; Premier researcher and treater of pain.
Mensana Clinic; Dr. Nelson Hendler, Clinical Director
