This page will try to answer the infamous question: What's a Gorpie?

So, now when someone asks what a Gorpie is, we can tell them where to look! But this page won't be any good without your imaginative, humorous (or maybe not so humorous) submissions! So, send me an email!

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Page last updated 8/5/00

• The invisible creature that steals the socks from your dryer.

• The smell that old leftovers give off.

• Gooey Orange Rats that Play with Indians Every Saturday.

• The noise that gack makes when smushing it together.

• What's left of a bubble after it pops.

• Its Gropie, misspelled.
  Gropie: a person who likes to grope and hug.

• A beer within a bar.

• Someone with a rash shaped like Al Gore's face.

• A juicy burp.

• A movie that's box office gross is lower than expectations, often far below its production budget (used in a sentence: "Godzilla" was such a gorpie).

• Someone who is not.

• A person with severe attention deficit disorder who.... Hey, I wonder what's on television!....

• Someone who shares, cares, and likes soapy frogs in all their various guises.

• Group Of Real People In Every State.

• Someone with excess random silliness.

• A rare species of vampire that sucks on the blood of stupid, annoying people.

• A small amount of the camping food known as gorp.

• Granola Obsessed jimRobbing Pedophiles, Immature Evolving Sasquaches...Gorpies.

• The thing on top of the thingy.

• A kind of genetically-mutated fish crossed with a chicken.

• A cocktail of coffee, rum, and Irish cream.

• A morbidly obese person.

• A cross between Al Gore and Birds Eye Frozen Peas.

• The small corns found on old people's feet.

• A rare, sexually transmitted disease found in Mexico.

• A slang term for pubic lice.

• The light that planets reflect from the sun.

• Chat rats.

• The end of a black hole.

• The name of old man Wilson's 3-legged dog.

• An undetermined venereal disease acquired after becoming sexually involved with the feet of a very small and old animal from Central or South America.

• A frog with a wooden egg on top of its head.

• A guy who is physically challenged below the belt.

• A lichen-based disease.

• The newest cereal put out by Kellogg's!

• Keyboard sludge.

• The new addition to the Rice Krispies' Snap, Crackle, Pop characters. We now have Snap, Crackle, Pop, Gorpies.

• A device used to wedge 400 pound fat women out of their chairs at Quincy's during the buffet hours.

• A Swedish lab-rat with rickets.

• A procrastinators heaven,
  a parents search,
  a speakers forum,
  a listeners perch.

• The first question someone asks upon entering a chat room.

• A native of the twin planets of Booksalia And Gorpysium. Such persons are known to be warm, caring, funny, and 100% huggable.

• Someone addicted to trail mix.

• A bar in Russia.

• In the language of ancient Astures, a Gorpie was that person in the tribe whose job was taking care of the I-Xu-Xus. Unfortunately, it has not been possible yet to determine what I-Xu-Xu means in the ancient Astur language.

• An acronym for: Grand Order of Real People and Insane Entities.

• Small Polish-made cars. The Gorpy Motor Company was founded after the Second World War to help rebuild the Polish economy. Unfortunately, the company was forced into bankruptcy in the late 1970's. It's hard now even to find parts for the small, unreliable cars.

• A strange affliction (the doctors are stumped) that seems highly contagious. Symptoms include losing one's control of their bladder in the pool, compulsive hugging, bopping around, shimmying across the floor, plopping into beanbags and gazing deep into lava lamps. Be afraid, be very afraid.

• Gorpies are traditionally found in various places. They are quite docile in their natural habitat (Gorpies, where else?) and only become excited or agitated when lonely wanderers happen by and inquire as to what a gorpie is. Some will become angry and silent while others jump up and down, excited at the prospect of finally having a turn to explain what they are. Gorpies are loosely related to the chameleon in that they are all so different, while still remaining true to their race. Some gorpies have bladder problems whenever they near a pool. Other ones feel the need to communicate in silent messages that only the receiver can detect. Still others feel the need to mug every person who enters the room and smother them with affection. What's that? I have rambled all this time and not even said what a gorpie is? Silly me.
  The word Gorpie means (loosely translated from the mystic language of Typo) friend.

• A rather insignificant looking but, nonetheless, indispensable widget on the corner of a VHS tape, which pushes in so that the cover lifts so that the tape can be spooled through the machine so that we can watch keen movies.

• An old-fashioned word for "groupie". It originated in the cave man days, when language skills were not so advanced. The term now, in the nineties, actually means "cave man-like groupie", which would bring to mind an undesirable groupie--one who is hairy....

• A gorilla with pie syndrome.

• A gorie pie.

• A gorie pie, misspelled.

• The Greatest Ordanized gRoup of Poor typIsts and spellErs.

• Everything that is right with cyberchatting.... It is an oasis in the middle of all of the game-playing and deception which goes on at other cyber chat areas.... Gorpies is to cyberchatting what hair dye is to Dennis Rodman!!!!

• A complex mathematical series that applies the human brain to quantum physics (a.k.a., quantum psychology). It systematically describes how the probabilities discussed in quantum psychology affects the brain and, in fact, reality. It has been mathematically proven that there are, in fact, 27 dimensions--very understandably the leading cause of schizophrenia....

• A rare skin disease.

• A large hairy creature who dwells in the nether regions of Yahooligalopogus island.

• A plain, but handy kitchen tool made by Ronco.

• A place for the ageless and timeless, we have 'em from 11 on up.

• A small, edible stone which sits in your gut for 8 weeks before being passed in a rather uncomfortable movement.

• The main dish served in Swaziland at marriage feasts.

• A small woodland creature of mythological origins. These dexterous creatures are said to have had 14 eyes which enabled them to scan and assess their surroundings with such speed that all within their vicinity were left in extreme confusion. Gorpies are described as being extremely friendly creatures that are quite prone to building their nests in the kilts of hairy Scotsmen. Although the Gorp is rumored to be near extinction, many Gorp sitings have recently been reported along the sandy shores of Booksunlitraticus on the Island of Yahooliganica.

• A Soviet Union leader who can't spell.

• An intelligent, yet somewhat perverse form of life found only in the wastes of "cyberspace." If you encounter one, do not make any hasty moves and do NOT ask it about books, because it is likely to laugh in your face--out loud even. If you encounter one, engage in a light but coy conversation--as this will distract it long enough for you to run. It is proper protocol to hug a "Gorpie" when meeting one, as this is the cultural norm for this advanced yet obscene species. One would not want to offend a "Gorpie", because their biting yet eloquent insults can leave a nasty sting. If you need to know anything more about this species called "Gorpie", feel free to e-mail me, I have spent a great deal of time "chatting" with this species.

• A pie made from gorp. (Gorp: A high energy snack food made chiefly from various dried fruits and nuts.)

• A person who frequents an internet 'chatroom' and enjoys gossiping about fellow chatters, spreading rumors of super modeling failures due to drug abuse and promiscuity.

• Not to be confused with g-r-o-p-i-e.

• From Latin 'gorytus', meaning quiver or quiver full of arrows. Used in this context as 'little orange spoon'.

• A small marsupial, indigenous to eastern Antarctica, which feeds exclusively on the blossoms of rain forest canopies.
  (See footnote.)

  Footnote - It seems that these marsupials are cute, cuddly, huggable-looking chaps with a large spike growing out of their chest, so actual hugging is not advised for non-gorpies. A question was raised about the method used for procreation, since the spiked chest was a potential health hazard, but that is best left to the imagination with the simple assurance that gorpies are quite agile. The society of the East-Antarctic Gorpie is matriarchal, with the females asserting their dominance by frequently beating their mates, as male gorpies are incredible pansies. The male gorpies never retaliate, due to a fear of Janet Reno. Gorpies spend their time chatting on Yahoo, developing their conspiracy to overthrow Luxembourg by sending all 9 of the Luxembourgers woolly socks so that they will slip, fall down, and hit their heads on the kitchen floor. When they are incapacitated, the Gorpies plan to slip in and assume control. So, although they appear huggable and cuddly, Gorpies are, in fact, a force to be feared and respected. Even though they are, technically, a potential threat to the safety of some humans, gorpies are an endangered species, due to their quickly diminishing food supply (of arctic rain forest canopy blossoms), and are protected by the governments of the world. Killing a gorpie is punishable by a fine of up to 32 cents and life in prison at the moving gorpie Protection Detention Center, which was last seen near Barbados.

• A very sociable disease.

• Home of great nuts, worldwide.

• The sound caused by one hand clapping.

• A Cheers ripoff without the alcohol.