The Filipino Driver Survival Guide
When greeting a Filipino driver, slowly lower your window
and be prepared to greet the driver with: "Tangna mo, bobo".
However, if you have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with
a joyful "Tangna mo rin, gago".
On
Turn Signals
If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let him go
into your lane. Press the accelerator instead and start driving next to
him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and you already know
what to do.
On
Traffic Lights
These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent reason.
Sometimes you will see drivers stop to see the colors change on these
lights (a fascinating experience). Government officials (specifically
police) believe that each color stands for an instruction for drivers to
follow.
From
pure observation I have determined the following instructions for each
colors:
Yellow
light: accelerate your car as much as possible.
Red light: this light gives you permission to the next five or six cars to
go through.
Green: reduce speed and wait for the five to six cars passing through
their respective red lights.
Little known fact: Time to start honking your horn, as soon as the light
turns green: 1.5 seconds.
On
Changing Lanes
Changing lanes has been elevated to an art form in the Philippines. First
of all, no matter what you do, never turn your turn signal otherwise
you'll stimulate the reaction described above. Second, swerve your car
uncontrollably toward the lane you want to go, preferably if you end up
within inches from the car you will find on that lane. At this point, a
greeting from the other driver may be in order. To perfect your change of
lanes, reduce the speed of your car dramatically in a matter of seconds
and you will see an action packed reaction from the car behind you.
On
Traffic Jams
Traffic jams are teeming with fun-filled activities such as:
1.
Honking your horn rhythmically.
2. Rear-view mirrors are used to put on make-up (usually female drivers
only).
3. Nose-pickers sightseeing. (not to be confused with people who scratch
their brains through their noses)
4. Reduce speed to watch whatever is causing the traffic jam. Add
excitement by trying to see if you know the parties involved. (note: every
Filipino driver is obliged to do this)
5. Lose weight by sweating like a pig as a result of lack of
air-conditioning.
6. Greet other drivers.
7. Practice lane changing.
8. Play the game: Let's see how close I can get you before rear-ending
you.
On
Pedestrians
These individuals are an annoyance to the Filipino driver. If you see
pedestrians on your way, accelerate your car to let them know who's the
boss. If you are at an intersection, let the pedestrians know you want to
proceed by accelerating your car and honking at the last possible
moment.
On
Social Situations
Bumping into a friend while driving (not be taken literally) is a joyful
occasion. Drivers should reduce and stop their cars in the middle of the
street and chit-chat. What about other drivers? Well, they can wait.
On
Highway Driving
Bottleneck
formation:
To accomplish this type of driving, cars must block all lanes by driving
at the same speed , side by side to avoid other cars to pass. It is
important to drive at a speed at least 20 mph below speed limit.
The
Three-lane Change:
This movement requires a lot of precision and creativity. It should be
done around the highest number of cars possible and in a matter of seconds
to create what the other may refer to as widespread panic.
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