i thought i might begin one of these things simply because i have nothing else better to do. and besides the fact that i've just had a bit yelling fit with my cousin and i need something to get my mind off it all. not that this will or anything, though i am hoping that what i write here will eventually lead to more interesting things.

well once again im sitting here, backwards on my piano stool, in front of the computer, which is on our 'dinning table' in our lounge room. i don't really have a room of my own yet but it will be coming back soon.

the sleepy jackson are playing on my discman, which has been playing up lately. it's not that old, thought it seems as though it wants to give up its life prematuraly.

i was leaving for gym about 3 and a bit hours just before now. theres that guy who i saw at the white stripes concert there, who has suddenly reapeared after months of a no show, though for some reason he wasn't there tonight. im guessing it's just the weather; raining and all. i dont mind it one bit though, but he wasn't the only one not there tonight so hopefully it wasn't me who turned him away. (we're in a class.) see, before, when he came for the first time, (or so i susspect, because it was my first sighting of him) he only did so for about 4 weeks or so... --- the story --- it was the last wednesday of the thrid term holidays of last year; my year 12 year. me and my friend rhiannon went to see the white stripes do there thing at the thebarton theatre, and believe it or not, not 3 people away was this guy who i recognised from the gym. he looked at me though i dont think he recognised me, but i certainly recognised him. o god he is a god to me. i think it's his similarity to dominic. anyway, i approached him during our class that next night and talked about it with him for a bit. he seemed really nice. nicer, as in, not as fucking devilish hot as that look he has in his eyes every other time. we had our chat, as brife as it was, and left it at that and with a smile. heres the thing - as we were walking down and out to my car to drive home, (me and van. that is) i saw him in his little old pale bule coloured holden, which chugged in reverse as he attempted to pull out of the car park. he saw me looking at him. now, i was looking at him with the thought of how increadibly greater this guy had become because of his cool old car, which, i happened to love. though i think he thought quite differently. i think (!) he maybe, possibly, got a little bit embarrased by his car, which he thought was crappy, (though obviously was not) and so all prepared to go up to him and comment positively on his car the very next thursday, i was faced with an unexpected surprise. and the week after that, then also the week after that one and so on. you see, i thought it was the tiny situation with the cars which made him leave, (though honestly im not entirely sure why) and all i ever wanted to do from then on was find him and tell him that i honestly liked that car. i honestly did. but as the months went by he never showed. that is untill 3 weeks ago now. i saw him in the room, in the class before mine. he looked at me again and im pretty sure he recognised me. im hoping that he doesn't think of that car situation getting in the way, though on the other hand, i could be getting this all wrong. he could have been completely put off by ME from the start and I scared him away, but i dont really want to think of it like that, and i really dont see any reason why that would be so. so back to this day where he showed his face once again. just as good as ever. hair still in that same, mowhawk-like style. (i never use to like that much but now it does't seem that bad..) his groovy striped t-shirt. beigh shorts. i did notice he had gotten rid of his black converse shoes though. i did like those... but i dont care about his shoes. he still had that same look in his eyes and the only difference i could make out was that i seem to be facinated by his shoulders more. well i saw him the week after that as well, wearing a, --black-- t-shirt. i did also happen to get a glimps of his thighs as he was doing his sit ups. anyway...

so now im up to now; tonights class. he wasnt there, and like i said, im hoping it's just the weather keeping him away, not me.

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sunday 18 july

well this last week wasn't something i'd love to do all again. i'll skip out the bad bits and go right to the good. this leaves only one thing really, and that one thing is about the guy at the gym. well, guess what.. he was there last tuesday night. after last week's no show i was so glad to see him there this time. we went to the gym on tuesday because it was the reception guy's second time doing his own class. but anyway, we were walking past the door on the side of the class and i didn't look in because i was susspecting the worse. when we got around to the other side i tried to see if he was in the spot he usually was in, but he wasn't. i was thinking it was me who scares him off for sure. but then... believe it will ya, i noticed someone looking somewhat similar on the other side of the room. he had the same hair do, same, nice body shape, and so with one more accurate glance, i saw that it was him after all. it was a very good moment. his class finished and the lights went on and i saw him over the other side talking to some of the other 'mums' or so it seemed near him. boy he seems nice. as he was walking out of the room i froze. i was thinking i can't let this 2 second a week obcession session be all. i went out of the room and down the stairs, being slowed by these people in front of me. i thought i had missed him when i looked in the direction of the doorway to outside, but just as i walked up to it, he came walking right towards it at the same time. this other guy coming in held the door open for him, and just as i said before, boy he seems nice. a little too good to be true maybe, but then again, maybe not i thought, as he gave me this little smile as i let him pass before me, walked down the stairs throwing his jumper over his shoulder, crossed the island over the road, then walked on down the foot path to where ever he was heading that wintery night.

some day after..

im writing this a good 2 months after the last entry. i just need to write it all down somewhere to get my head around what has happened.