Joanne walked up to the elephants at the Zoo; she had a huge smile across her face. The elephants walked over to her and stood in front of her. Their huge trunks were stretching out to her, trying to reach her, to touch her.
"Hello my elephant brothers and sisters," she yelled to them. They all started to trumpet. They continually got louder and louder. Joanne put one hand in the air and there was silence. "I have come to address the situation of imperialism. You have asked me who should be the emperor of the Toronto Zoo. After visiting the Zoo, numerous times, and visiting every single animal cage, I managed to come to a decision."
All the people watching the elephants playing peacefully were now running away in shock from the strange woman. A zookeeper started to walk toward her.
"Your new Emperor is-"
"Excuse me miss," the zookeeper cut her off. "I would ask if you would please refrain from distracting the ele-"
Joanne quickly cut him short with a loud hiss. She raised her hands in the air and continually performed a clawing motion as she continued hissing. The elephants began to trumpet again. The zookeeper let out a loud cry of terror and ran for his life.
"Now then, sorry for that intrusion. The Emperor of the zoo will be…" she let a moment of silence pass to build suspense, "Me, Joanne Laurence," she said. "I'll live in my own cage which will be labeled: The Joanneadile. I'll have my own council, it will be comprised with one animal from each cage." The Joanneadile continued to tell the elephants her plans for dictatorship as two men in white uniforms approached her.
"Excuse us miss, but you're coming with us," one of them said as he attached handcuffs to her wrists.
"No, you can't do this to me. I have a kingdom to run. Where are you taking me?" she asked in terror.
"Somewhere where the animals won't hurt you anymore."
"No!" she yelled. "Come, my animal friends, rescue me!" she pleaded.
They threw her into the back of a truck and drove off. As they drove out of the zoo every single animal was screaming and yelling.
"Come rescue me," she whispered.
Exhausted, Joanne sat down on the padded floor. She had wasted all her energy yelling and throwing herself against the padded walls. She hated being treated like this, all the tests, the questions, the needles, and the teasing. Oh, how she hated the teasing. No one believed she could talk to animals. Well, all except for the animals, of course.
She lied down on her back, wishing she were back at her precious zoo. She missed all her animal friends, especially her best friend, Dyce the monkey. Dyce would make her laugh whenever she felt stressed out. He was always there for her, but now she was stuck in the Toronto Institute for the Dangerously Insane.
She was reflecting on her animal friends when all hell broke loose. It was in her left arm, about a quarter of an inch below her shoulder; no, it was more like a third of an inch. She had... an itch.
She quickly jumped to her feet and began running into the walls again. Throwing her shoulder into the padded walls seemed the only sensible way of removing an itch while wearing a straight jacket. It obviously didn't work last time, but she hoped she might have better luck on her second try.
Two doctors were watching her from outside her cell. They stared in amazement as Joanne continued to be the human dodge ball in a padded court.
"We haven't seen this for a while," one doctor remarked.
"Nope. None of our patients has run into walls since Bill Wallman claimed he was Jesus and could walk on water," the other doctor informed.
"What ever happened to 'Jesus'?" the first doctor asked curiously.
"He drowned in his bathtub," he said with a straight face.
"I wonder what will happen to this Loony?"
"She'll probably jump off a building, thinking she'll land on her feet like a cat."
The two doctors began chuckling to themselves when they heard a loud noise from the security guard’s room.
"What was that?" one doctor asked with a hint of anxiety.
"Sergeant Biggie probably dropped his doughnut again."
The two doctors began chuckling again as they walked towards the security room.
The itch in Joanne's arm eased down and she began to relax. She sat down in the corner of her padded cell and began to cry. She missed all her animal friends. She missed the elephants, the lions, the giraffes, and especially the monkeys. For every animal she thought about, a single tear would roll down her rosy cheeks and hit the floor. The room was so quiet that she could hear the tear hit the padded floor.
The sound of metal against metal could be heard throughout Joanne's cold cell. She looked up at the window and could see the doctor's white-jacketed shoulder. He was unlocking her cell door, probably to give her another needle.
The door opened to reveal a dark faced person with lots of hair. Either the doctor forgot to shave for a couple of years, or it was a gorilla dressed up in a doctor's uniform. Joanne was willing to bet that it was a gorilla. In fact, she was willing to bet that it was Mochacheeno the gorilla, from cage twenty-four B.
He walked up to her with a huge smile on his face. He noticed her red eyes and realized she had been crying. He looked into her eyes; Joanne could see the great pain he felt for her. He grunted something to her in his ape-like language.
"I'm fine, Mocha," she reassured. "Help me get out of this straight jacket."
"Oooh, Oooh, Oooh," the gorilla replied. He growled a loud command that brought another one of Joanne's good friends into the room. It was Fang, the panther. He was also wearing a doctor's uniform, which Joanne thought was one of the funniest things she had ever seen.
"Fang, how's it going?" she asked with excitement in her voice.
He roared a response and then dug his teeth into the back of Joanne's straight jacket. His teeth tore through the jacket like a knife through warm butter.
With a loud snap, Joanne broke free of the straight jacket and was back on her feet. "Come on. Let's blow this joint," she said with a gritty voice.
The three of them began their strut down the hallway when two naked doctors came running out of the security room.
"Hey, those animals don't belong in here! They've got our uniforms!" one of them yelled.
"Yeah, and they beat the living snot out of us, too," the other added.
One of the doctors fell to the ground, motionless. As he hit the ground Joanne noticed a medical needle, with some sort of liquids inside, sticking out the back of his neck. The other doctor quickly spun around to see what took out his friend. He let out a cry of horror that was suddenly cut short. He fell backwards with a needle shoved in his chest. As he fell something flew off is chest into the air. It looked like a little brown ball and it spun around continually in the air. Two legs poked out from the ball just before it hit the ground. When it landed it formed a kung fu fighting stance. Joanne realized that it was a monkey wearing a headband.
"Dyce!" she yelled with joy.
They ran towards each other and met in the middle with a strong embrace. They both began to weep as they held each other.
"I missed you so much," Joanne managed to force out between her tears.
"AHH! AHH! AHH!" Dyce replied in his monkey language.
After a five minute episode of "As the World Turns", Dyce muttered something in Joanne's ear.
"You're right, you're right. As much as I wish this hug would never end, you're right. We have to get going," Joanne reluctantly agreed.
They started running down the hallways. The halls constantly turned without warning. After about five minutes of searching, they all came to the conclusion that they were lost.
"Didn't you guys make sure you knew how to get out?" she asked disappointed.
The three animals slowly lowered their heads in shame.
"Why didn't you guys bring a ball of string or something to find your way out?"
Fang growled at her in response to her question.
"I know you're all animals, but I taught you better than that," she scowled.
The three of them continued to argue when a hawk flew in and landed on a railing in front of them.
"Razorbeak, where'd you come from?" Joanne asked with amazement.
The impressive looking hawk raised his head and turned it to the side. He spread his wings, showing off his large wing span. He sat in his typical "I'm the best" hawk stance. He squawked something in bird language which Joanne immediately translated.
"You know the way out?" she asked rhetorically. "Come on then, let's go!"
Razorbeak led the four lost souls towards the exit of the institution. As he slowly glided through the halls, he squawked something to Joanne.
"I don't care if you're leading us from bondage, you're name is Razorbeak. We’re not changing it to Moses," Joanne replied.
Disappointed, Razorbeak squawked and continued his flight plan. He led them to the exit where Joanne could see two guards with their hands in the air. In front of the guards were two ring-tailed lemurs with lighters. They were threatening the guards with a large circus cannon.
"Hey, Harry and Larry, we’re leaving," she informed the lemurs.
The lemurs chattered something back to her. With the help of Mochacheeno, they slowly retracted the cannon towards the exit, keeping their eyes on the guards.
Joanne walked out the doors and saw how she would be getting back to the zoo. There were two giraffes and a rhinoceros waiting for them in the parking spots. She noticed that one of the giraffes was standing in a disabled parking spot.
"Ralph, you know you're not supposed to park there. It's reserved for handicapped people," she said with an angry tone of voice.
Ralph moved his head to the side and stared at the night clouds, pretending he didn't hear her.
"Ralph, I know you can hear me. Stop pretending you can't hear me. Ralph!" she yelled. The long necked mammal looked at her. "Don't park there any more! You got me?"
The giraffe looked from right to left, then back to Joanne. With a confused look on his face he raised a leg and pointed at himself.
"Yes, you. No mor-"
"Ahh! Ahh!" Dyce cut her off.
"Okay, Okay. I'll shut up. Let's go."
Fang jumped on the back of the rhinoceros and they took off towards the zoo. Harry, Larry, and Mochacheeno got on the back of a giraffe and Joanne and Dyce got on the other one and they left for the zoo.
Joanne was amazed at how many people were afraid of wild animals on the highway. Every person would stop or drive away as quickly as possible. Joanne would wave at the cars and would occasionally be waved back from the people who were afraid that she was going to kill them.
Dyce said something to her in his monkey talk.
“You mean Buddy the mechanical parrot. I thought that it was only a legend?” she asked confused. Dyce said something else to her in response to her question. “So, it’s true. Buddy the mechanical parrot really is an evil parrot reincarnated. I always thought it was just a rumour. How come he’s only showing himself now?”
“Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Eeeh! Eeeh! Ahh!” he screamed with a high pitched and hysterical voice.
The blood in Joanne’s face drained. “That’s… that’s terrible,” she stuttered through her white face. “We have to get there as soon as possible.”
The animals picked up the pace and continued their course towards the Metro Toronto Zoo.
After about twenty minutes of watching cars pull to the side or turn around in fear, they arrived. The front gates were still open from when the animals escaped. They ran through the gates and Joanne and the animals dismounted.
“Where’s Buddy?” Joanne asked with hatred in her voice.
“Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!” Mochacheeno replied.
The monkey, the gorilla, the hawk, the panther, and the Joanneadile all took off towards the theatre, where Buddy was last seen. Joanne wasn’t sure what she was going to do to stop his diabolical plan, but she was sure that she would think of something when she arrived. Even though she could talk to the animals, she knew she wasn’t one of them. Perhaps she could try to reason with him. If she didn’t stop him, there was no way of knowing how much damage he might inflict.
The five of them ran into the room. It was dark and there was no sign of Buddy. They walked around the inside a little when all of a sudden they could hear a mechanical voice.
“SO, I SEE YOU HAVE RETURNED, JOANNE.” The voice was cold and without tone.
“Show yourself, Buddy!” Joanne screamed.
A bright spotlight shone on the stage revealing a music band of four mechanical parrots. There was Sticks on the drums, Joe with his bass guitar, Jack with his guitar, and standing in the middle with his microphone was the dreaded Buddy. The parrots stood there staring at the five who just walked in the door. The parrots consisted of many colours. From blue to green to yellow, their metallic bodies shone in the bright spotlight. Joanne could see the rust forming on Buddy’s wings and beak.
“Why are you doing this Buddy?” she asked with a voice that was edged with tension.
“YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN MY PLANS?” he asked with his cold mechanical voice. “I’VE ALWAYS HATED THIS ZOO. I HATE THE ANIMALS. I HATE THE VISITORS. I HATE THE EMPLOYEES. AND MOST OF ALL, I HATE YOU.” He held up a remote control in his hand. “WITH THIS SIMPLE DEVICE I INTEND TO TAKE OVER THE ZOO. WHEN I HIT THIS BUTTON TONS OF TOXIC GAS WILL BE RELEASED INTO THE ANIMAL CAGES, KILLING THEM ALL. ONCE THEY’RE OUT OF THE WAY, I WILL CREATE A RACE OF SUPPERIOR MECHANICAL PARROTS, AND UNDER MY COMMAND. I WILL CONTROL THE ZOO.” The four parrots began laughing, but it wasn’t any normal type of laugh. It was a robotic version of a madman. “SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PRESCIOUS ANIMALS JOANNE.” He started moving the tip of his wing towards the button. “MAY YOU ENJOY A LIFE IN HE-“
“Hey, who left this on?” someone from the side asked.
The four mechanical parrots moved their heads in unison towards the voice. “NO, YOU FOOL. DON’T TOUCH T…H…A…T” Buddy’s last words sounded as if Joanne was listening to a walkman with dying batteries. The four parrots were no longer moving. They looked so normal now. It was hard for Joanne to believe that there was an evil parrot underneath that cold metal.
The person who powered down the mechanical parrots appeared from the side. He was wearing a Toronto Zoo janitor uniform. “It’s the missing animals!” he yelled.
The room flooded with zookeepers. They quickly captured the four animals and dragged them to their cages. Two zookeepers walked up to Joanne with suspicion. “What’s your name?” one of them asked.
“I will answer that,” a voice from behind said. It was one of the doctors from the mental institution, only now he was fully clothed. “She is an escaped mental patient. I am here to bring her back.”
“No, you can’t!” Joanne insisted. “Buddy, the mechanical parrot, he has deadly toxins hooked up to all the cages. He’ll kill them all once he’s turned back on.”
The doctor stared her in the eyes. “Joanne, there is no living parrot, the animals don’t talk, and there are no deadly tox-“
“Hey, sir,” a zookeeper from outside cut him off. ”We found deadly toxins hooked up to all the cages. We don’t know where they came from.”
The two zookeepers who were in the room looked over at Joanne. “She’s a hero!” they yelled simultaneously. They picked her up and carried her outside. Zookeepers from left and right swarmed her; all were cheering Joanne for her bravery. They escorted her over to the offices where the president of the zoo was waiting.
“Joanne, what can I do to repay you for the services you have done for us all?” he asked.
“I want nothing, but my own cage,” she asked with excitement.
“Joanne, from now on you will be know as the Joanneadile.”
Dyce watched from his cage as the cheering crowd carried her towards her new cage. A single tear of joy rolled down his cheeks. Dyce knew that Joanne was finally home.