Profiles of the Forsaken

Here I shall chronicle the profiles of all people who have work on this site or appear in some of the pictures who wish to be chronicled. If you're on the site (or even if you're not for all I care) and want a place in this hallowed hall of infamy, just let me know and I'll add a profile for you. Also, if anyone has an idea for new fields to add to the profiles to give us all more depth, let me know and it'll probably get added.


Name: Tim "The Dumbass"
Date of Birth: July 3, 1980
Reason for having a profile: He made the damn site
Favourite Colour: Clear
Interests: Writing (duh), making crappy webpages, tabletop wargaming, yelling at clouds, jammin' wit' da band...if there was a band...which I'm starting to think is all in my head...
Personality: Tim, or "Dumbass" as he prefers to be called, hates himself for reasons not even he can fathom. Strangers have described him as dark and brooding, friends have called him a wide range of things (some good, some bad, most true), and the tree out front of his house has told him to stop talking to it before people start thinking he's weird.
How he knows The Dumbass: Been looking at him in a mirror every morning my whole life. Except that time when I was five and broke the mirror. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror another morning until it was replaced.

Name: Mr. Ming "The Roadkill"
Date of Birth: June 1, 1980
Reason for having a profile: Outstanding achievement in the field of Games Day 2002. He also told me to add in the fact that he's the only guy I know personally that has pitched at the SkyDome.
Favourite Colour: Tie between Blue Pearl and Ferrari Red
Interests: Competetive Baseball, tabletop wargaming (he's the lord of the cheese bugs), and making women fall in love with him, yet doing NOTHING about it. Self-proclaimed computer genius.
Personality: Mr. Ming, or "The Roadkill" as he was frequently called after getting run over by a co-worker in the summer of 2002, is a generally quiet, reserved, and well-liked individual. At least that's what he wants us to believe. In actuality, his father is some Triad boss and Mr. Ming stands to inherit the family crime empire some day.
How he knows The Dumbass: Mr. Ming and I go way back to second grade with our hated teacher, Miss Carson...she was like 40 something...unmarried, too...surprise, sur-fucking-prise.

Name: Ms. Jess "Special QT"
Date of Birth: September 20, 1980
Reason for having a profile: Mr. Aaron badgered her into submission
Favourite Colour: Black and Pink
Interests: Playing the saxamaphone, Acting, running with scissors, Ensorcelling potatoes
Personality: Jess, or "Special QT" as she's known to the mole people, is an out-going seemingly carefree person. This, however, is all just an act to cover up her designs on world domination. There is nothing to be worried about, however, for once she has conquered the world, we'll all get free pillows and snacky-smores, so it'll be a better place for it.
How she knows The Dumbass: Jess has known The Dumbass since mid-high school when they spent much time dominating the cafeteria card games. That's what happens when you all play a game where the rule is that the winner of each hand deals...

Name: Mr. Aaron "The Jazzman"
Date of Birth: September 8, 1980
Reason for having a profile: He's a Featured Author. I wish they could all be Featured Authors, but not everyone has the guts to share their work with the world.
Favourite Colour: Blue
Interests: Rockin' in da Free World, as well as Swingin' in da Free World among various other forms of making music. He also paints miniatures, though rarely uses them in tabletop wargaming, much to the annoyance of Mr. Ming, Mr. Jon, and The Dumbass.
Personality: Mr. Aaron, or "The Jazzman" as he's never been called, is a rather confident individual who devotes nearly all of his spare time to music and The Jo. Should anyone ever need to know anything about the tiniest, vaguest piece of Star Wars trivia, this is the guy to talk to.
How he knows The Dumbass: He has perhaps known The Dumbass the longest out of all his friends. Except those that have known him longer, of course...or just as long, such as Mr. Jon. Rock on Beavers!

Name: Ms. Jo of the Anne "The Empress"
Date of Birth: October 7, 1980
Reason for having a profile: I'm hoping she'll employ me some day.
Favourite Colour: Purple
Interests: Giraffes, Naked Monkeys, and Advertising. She's also been known to spend hours tracking guerrilla rebels in the jungles of El Salvador when she's not arguing with Mr. Aaron about which one is smellier.
Personality: Ms. Jo of the Anne, or "The Empress" as she'll one day be known, is a rather kind, out-going individual. Her pleasant presence has been known to bring competing advertising firms to their knees and one day her violent marketing will give her a stranglehold on the advertising monopoly.
How she knows The Dumbass: Ms. Jo of the Anne met The Dumbass late in highschool when they were rescuing orphans from the tragic chemical spill off the coast of Madagascar.

Name: Ms. Mel "The Mel"
Date of Birth: October 20, 1980
Reason for having a profile: She rocks and has introduced me to interesting...friends...shall we say...
Favourite Colour: Deep Dark Red
Interests: Rocking with semi-famous rockstars and fleeing from the Shadow People. I don't really know what the Shadow People are, but she assures me that they're quite unnerving.
Personality: Ms. Mel, or "The Mel" as I rarely refer to her, is known for her odd taste in the simple things in life (such as picking up leaves with her shadow) as well as her odd taste in collection (such as the jar of urine she once kept in her room). She also feels it necessary to point out the strangest of things, having volunteered the fact that there is a white boy sleeping in her basement as I write this. Overall, Mel shall always be loved for her very sharing nature.
How she knows The Dumbass: The Mel first met The Dumbass in an early highschool french class. Over the years, they've faced many trials and hardships, such as the time they beat the snot out of the ninjas that were trying to hijack some old guy's ride on lawnmower. Wait, that wasn't Mel...well, she would have helped if she was there, though.

Name: Mr. Chris "The Random Negro with a Classic Twist"
Date of Birth: June 29, 1982
Reason for having a profile: The token black guy.
Favourite Colour: Grey
Interests: Playing bass and probably guitar (as all bassist seem to aspire to for some reason), knocking down boxes of pancake mix in a drunken stupor, wait, it's my mom who likes quilting. I always get her and Chris mixed up...
Personality: Mr. Chris, or "The Random Negro with a Classic Twist" as he insists upon being called, is yet another of those kind, reserved types. He is much like Mr. Ming in that I've never seen him raise his voice in anger. I suppose they're Amish or something. One of these days, I'll teach them both the benefits of using buttons.
How he knows The Dumbass: Mr. Chris has known The Dumbass for a rather short time as the people of these profiles go. They first met when Mr. Aaron introduced him (The two of them being university roommates) as the newest bassist for what can only be loosely referred to as the latest incarnation of "The Band"...not the band called The Band, but that everchanging collection of musicians that Mr. Aaron and The Dumbass have been trying to hold together ever since they first started playing.

Name: Chris "The 'I'm gonna camouflage myself in blue' kid" Allen
Date of Birth: Don't know/care
Reason for having a profile: I don't actually have this dork's permission to have a profile here, but I also don't care. Refer to the Pictures section under Games Day and you'll see why his rights have been forfeited.
Favourite Colour: Blue fatigues
Interests: Dressing up in his mother's dresses and putting on tea parties for the local school boys, weeping softly into his pillow at night because he can't remember where he left his mittens, playing hopscotch with Spelunker, his pet gerbil.
Personality: Since I don't actually know this guy, I really can't say what his personality is. I'm sure he's a warm, caring individual once you get to know him... but who the hell's gonna do that? Look at him, he's a fruitcake!
How he knows The Dumbass: I've already indicated that I don't know this guy, I just saw him wandering around Games Day giving us all a reason to mock him. So, I'll take this opportunity to point out that this Chris Allen dork is not to be confused with Mr. Chris "The Random Negro with a Classic Twist", who is not a dork.

Name: Winston "The Man" Churchill
Date of Birth: November 30, 1874
Reason for having a profile: He's my hero.
Favourite Colour: Good Question...
Interests: Saving England and indeed, the whole of the Free World, Making fun of Lady Astor, frustrating the hell out of Hitler, Collecting toy soldiers. That's right, if Mr. Churchill was around today, he'd be down with 40k!
Personality: Winston, or "The Man" as he should justifiably be referred to as, took no shite from no one. When he disagreed with you on something, he didn't just let your ass know about it, he made you ashamed of ever disagreeing with him in the first place.
How he knows The Dumbass: We've never actually met since Mr. Churchill died back in '65 at the funky old age of 90, but if I could build a time machine to go back and meet someone, he'd be the guy.

Name: Genghis "I Kill You!" Kahn
Date of Birth: sometime in 1167
Reason for having a profile: He was the greatest conqueror of all time.
Favourite Colour: I'm guessing red, colour of blood and anger.
Interests: Horseback riding, brawling, crushing armies, throwing tea parties (in a manly way, not like how Chris Allen does it), taking in stray kittens, conquering.
Personality: Mr. Genghis, or "I Kill You!" as he really should have been called, was a large, angry, ambitious man. Much like my hero, Mr. Winston Churchill, Genghis was the kind of person with whom you should not have disagreed. Sure, "The Man" would have just rediculed you, but Genghis would have torn off your head and spit down your throat. While not the kind of guy I'd introduce to my sister (if I had a sister), I'd sure as shit want him on my side.
How he knows The Dumbass: We were old drinking buddies in my past life. We used to play this funky game: first one to die of a nose bleed loses. I won.

Name: Ms. Steph "The Law"
Date of Birth: November 25, 1979
Reason for having a profile: She shall one day control the underground and I want to get my sucking up in now.
Favourite Colour: Baby blue... fear it!
Interests: Skiing, snowboarding, leading legions of aardvarks to judge and condemn the impure, skating, spreading fear and menace throughout the tunnels of the Underdark, hurling herself into Ms. Mel while skating in efforts to sow dissent.
Personality: Ms. Steph, or "The Law" as she's known amongst her ordered and savage forces of aardvarks, seems to enjoy viewing herself in a negative light (reminding me of someone else I can't quite put my finger on, though...) As the only prominent nine to fiver profiled here, her organization skills must be feared for one day her subterranean realms will grow boring and she shall turn her attentions upwards.
How she knows The Dumbass: Back in the proverbial and literal day I spent much time annoying one Ms. Rita. Ms. Rita, grief-stricken with my harassing, sent her enforcer, Ms. Steph, to set me straight. After one quick throttling (Yeah, she throttled me... I was too shocked to fight back) I agreed not to bother Ms. Rita again. I don't know if I actually lived up to that promise or not, but Ms. Steph thinks I did, so I'm still safe... until the coming of the aardvarks...

Name: Ms. Megheghan "The Megharnigle"
Date of Birth: December 26, 1980
Reason for having a profile: She said nice things about my works in Writer's Craft... her stuff was good, too. I'll have to ask her if she'd contribute to the writings on the site.
Favourite Colour: Orange
Interests: Running away to our nation's capital (our nation's, not yours!), not returning emails (but we can forgive her), avoiding Megheghan-eating-gremlins, curing the infirm.
Personality: Ms. Megheghan, or "Megharnigle" as she used to be called, is a very, VERY shy person. She's like the shyest (shiest?) woman I ever met and would never do nothin' to hurt no one... which is a damn shame since she's only one who is being stalked by gremlins... Megheghan-eating-gremlins at that.
How she knows The Dumbass: OAC Writer's Craft (for those non-Ontarian peoples, that's first year university creative writing taken in high school) is where Megheghan and I first met. We did a lot of peer marking in that class... come to think of it, she never did give me a very high mark... ah well, I was there to write, not get good grades.

Name: Mr. Dan "The Leper"
Date of Birth: December 22, 1982
Reason for having a profile: Everybody has that one friend; that one guy who doesn't seem to think or act like anything sane. Well, there's a few of us like that in "The Circle" and Mr. Dan is definately crazy enough to be profiled as I foresee him becoming an integral part in many a Ramble in the coming months.
Favourite Colour: I'm not sure Dan can see colour...
Interests: Learning new languages in which to mock others, arguing with "The Dumbass" over proper pronunciation of english words, shaving the rainforest, doing the opposite of helping.
Personality: Is Mr. Dan sane? I think so, but I don't think he enjoys it. This is the guy with whom "The Dumbass" worked to construct an entire plane of existance called Limbonia in which everything was 2-dimensional. I forget most of Limbonia's properties, but I'm sure "The Leper" hasn't. (He doesn't really have leprecy, either)
How he knows The Dumbass: If memory serves me correctly (which it sometimes doesn't) I believe I first met "The Leper" way back in the day in Lord Bayden Powell's Scouts of Canada. I was in Cubs with his brother (I think) and he sort of showed up one day and tried to point out a tiger to me in some book (even though it was a panther)... Then we fell into the magic/dungeons and dragons crowd in high school and shunned the lesser nerds. A good time was had by all... well, all that mattered anyhow.

Name: Mr. Jere "The Janitor"
Date of Birth: April 26, 1980
Reason for having a profile: This man is a wealth of material for humour. Not in a bad way, though. He's sort of the Prince Phillip of the group; he can say stuff that the rest of us can't even conceive of, such as his view of the decadence inherent in western women (he's pure white canadian...) I'm going to see if I can find a way to include Funny Dog Capone on the site...
Favourite Colour: Green
Interests: Bartending, finding fault with all God has created, finding fault with God, plotting his vengeance on God, plotting his vengeance on this morning's breakfast, gambling with Russian pistols.
Personality: Mr. Jere, in combination with his younger brother, Mr. Dan, would probably be a psychologist's worst nightmare... or meal ticket. Of every person I've ever met, I often have the most difficulty understanding Mr. Jere. I've also never met anyone so cemented in their views and opinions. I suppose that's the beauty of it: opinions cannot be wrong... which would make what Mr. Jere says to be right. And that, quite frankly, scares the hell out of me.
How he knows The Dumbass: I first met Mr. Jere The Boy long long ago in a church basement far far away (if a ten minute walk is far...) I later met Mr. Jere The Teenager in highschool and did not put together the fact that he was the same mild mannered boy I once knew until a few months into the acquaintanceship for he was anything but mild-mannered. Now, as Mr. Jere The Man he resembles one who will one day bring down the empires of Ms. Jo and Ms. Steph for none shall stand before the Fury of The Janitor.

Name: Ms. Jess "The Heavenly Devil"
Date of Birth: October 28, 1980
Reason for having a profile: Ms. Jess, or "The Heavenly Angel" as we negotiated on her being called, was profiled so that we made add yet even more sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows to the site. Not that we don't have much as it is, but we can always use more. Besides, hers come with a free CD changer.
Favourite Colour: Pink
Interests: Shopping, swimming, smacking people who are my brother, sleeping, tending to the hanging gardens of Babylon.
Personality: Ms. Jess's (not to be confused with the other Ms. Jess) personality could perhaps be summed up in her own words: "I'm not spoiled, I get everything I want." Which to me means that she is spoiled, but who am I to judge. A self-described girly-girl, I've actually found Ms. Jess to be more forward and less reserved than the other ladies and indeed some of the guys profiled here.
How she knows The Dumbass: Hmm, where to begin with this one. Ms. Jess is probably the person I have the most number of independent links to. First, the was high school. We wound up in a few classes together here and there. Then after high school, I was to discover that she was close friends with Ms. Jo and her mother is, in fact, very close friends with my own mother. It's all a rich tapestry.

Name: Mr. Pep "The Pool Shark"
Date of Birth: August 9, 1979
Reason for having a profile: Why do fish swim? Why do birds fly? Why do Mr. Peps have profiles? They just do!
Favourite Colour: Blue
Interests: Mr. Pep, or "The Pool Shark" as his victims call him, has a wide range of interests including hockey, pool, not liking pokemon anymore, and Terry Brooks (whoever that is...). He also reads to sick orphans on the weekend. Before you get all teary eyed over that, I should probably tell you that he's reading them eye-witness accounts of terrible car crashes.
Personality: Where does one begin with Mr. Pep's personality? Some might say the beginning. I say those people are morons since personalities don't have beginnings. Mr. Pep is a competitive individual, eager to get his ass handed to him at chess. He also would never insult anyone unintentionally, so if he's insulted you you can be damn sure he intended to.
How he knows The Dumbass: I first met Mr. Pep at a birthday celebration for Ms. Jo of the Anne. It turned into a shoving match and everyone thought we hated each other, which came to me as a surprise. We've put such violence aside these days and have concentrated more on making the world a better place... by cutting down more forests to make room for more breweries.

Name: Mr. Andy "The Chuckles"
Date of Birth: Lost in the annals of Time
Reason for having a profile: For not judging The Dumbass's feeble HTML skills too harshly. Also for being good cover in paintball.
Favourite Colour: More research should really be done here...
Interests: Playing baseball, programming, paintball, starting fires just to watch them burn, starting fires to watch others burn, starting fires to watch YOU burn (yes, YOU!)
Personality: Much like a giant chicken in a cowboy get-up (named Chicken Boo), Mr. Andy has been called the Man With No Personality. Legend has it he once robbed a bank and saved a puppy all in the same day. Legend further goes on to say he once rigged a beauty pageant in an effort to make untold amounts of profit, the total of which remains untold. And Legend even has the audacity to insinuate that Mr. Andy once stole a child's lunch money to donate to charity. When reached for comment on these alegations, Legend told reporters to screw off and get the hell off its front lawn.
How he knows The Dumbass: Mr. Andy, or The Chuckles as he's often called, first met The Dumbass in a 9th grade art class in which plenty of time was spent with The Sikes (profile not pending) mocking some guy named Steve. Aw, man Steve was such a dillhole. The weiner tried to fight me out front of the school this one time but I just sort of stood there looking at him while he was shaking and saying something about me saying something about his momma. I had nothing against Steve's mom, in fact I thought Steve's mom was a nice guy. Yeah, Andy was always there to help throw stuff at him. It was a blast.

Name: Ms. Danielle "The Maternix"
Date of Birth: March 22, 1980
Reason for having a profile: Once every hundred-thousand years or so when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and the grass doth grow... Tenacious D will point it out... which, uh... is a good enough reason for me!
Favourite Colour: Blue
Interests: Dancing with her belly, messing up the Queen's Lawn, shooting fire-crackers at ducks' eggs, shooting ducks' eggs at firecrackers, playing parcheesi.
Personality: A nomadic and pleasant breeze migrating across the Canadian landscape, soothing the souls of those she touches and helping to grace the world with its next generation. These words could be used to describe "The Maternix". Or, y'know, you could just say she's a good person. Either way.
How she knows The Dumbass: Ten years ago The Dumbass lay bleeding to death deep in an African jungle. All would have been lost had Danielle not come along... and lifted his wallet. The burning anger The Dumbass felt at having to get his $12.46 back was enough to force him to carry on and live... and one day, he shall have his money back!