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Funny how things change

 

Brilliant rays of sunshine cascaded across his soft features. He lay there for a brief moment; pondering life’s many unanswered questions. Why was the grass green? Why was the sky blue? How did Mommy known everything in the whole wide world?

“Justin! Time for supper, honey!” Lynn called from the open kitchen window. Twenty-something, she was young and pretty; hopeful for a bright future for her family.

She smiled as her four-year-old son entered the kitchen, running up to his much-adored mother immediately and wrapping her bare legs in a loving embrace.

Randy, Justin’s father and number-one role model, made his way into the sun-filled room, smiling at his wife and son. He ruffled Justin’s ever-expanding mass of curls before plopping down onto a wooden chair at the table.

Justin, who was still beaming with the simple happiness of being loved, went to his seat. Sighing to himself, he took a long gulp of milk.

Everything was perfect.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A little boy lay curled up in the corner of his bed.

“Damnit Randy, get the hell off your lazy ass and HELP me once in a while!”

“All I do around here is work, Lynn!”

Justin’s eyes filled with tears as he pressed his small hands tighter against his ears in an unsuccessful attempt to drone out the sound of his parents arguing – again.

He was scared. So scared. Mommy might cry again; Daddy might leave. What if this time Daddy left, he never came back?

The six-year-old winced as he listened to the painfully familiar sound of the front door slamming. He rubbed his fists over his eyes, trying to push back the tears that were threatening to escape.

Lynn’s muffled sobbing could be heard as she trudged heavily up the creaking stairs.

A single tear rolled slowly down Justin’s trembling cheek. This time, he didn’t even bother wiping it aside.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Come on, you’re tired already?” A twelve-year-old Justin laughed animatedly, eying his friend with an amused expression on his youthful face.

Still trying to catch his breath, the older boy grinned sheepishly. “Hey man, I’m still worn out from all that dancing we did earlier in rehearsal.”

Justin chucked and shook his head, curls flopping from side to side. “Dude, we haven’t even taped the show yet today!”

His friend groaned loudly. “I know.”

“Justin! JC!” A female voice called. “Where’d you guys go? We’re taping in three minutes!”

Justin’s heart secretly did a flip-flop as he watched Britney enter the room, Christina at her heels.

“Come on, ya’ll!” The object of his affection urged. “We’re gonna be late!”

Justin, JC reluctantly trailing in his footsteps, followed the girls enthusiastically.

He bounced onstage, almost immediately feeling an adrenaline-powered surge of energy and happiness. “Welcome to the Mickey Mouse Club…”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Hit me baby one more time!” Grinning, she flounced offstage and into his waiting arms, looking up at him expectantly. “Well? How’d I do?”

“You were amazing, Brit…” Eighteen-year-old Justin whispered, pulling her closer to him.

She giggled shyly. “Thanks, J…”

He just smiled down at her, enjoying her closeness. God, he loved her so damn much.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“It’s over, Britney.”

Her eyes visibly shone with tears. “J… Baby, please…”

“No. I’ve given you too many chances. We’re adults now, Britney. You’re twenty and I’m twenty-one. I’m sick and tired of your goddamn games! You think I will continue to give you this – all of me – when you go off and fuck other men? You thought WRONG.” He spat at her, feeling utterly untouched when she began to cry.

“You were my world. My entire world,” he whispered numbly.

“Jus – God – Please don’t – Please… No… No…” She crumpled to the ground, sobbing. He made no move to comfort her.

Justin’s face contorted with vast amounts of painful emotion as he watched her sadness, thinking back to everything they had shared together.

“Go to hell, Britney.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Justin lay on his plush bed, staring stonily up at the ceiling.

They were all the same.

They were all the fucking same.

Janet… Alyssa… Jenna… Tatyana… Sarah Jane… Cameron…

What did he use them for? What did he want them for? What did he need them for?

Sex.

That’s all.

They could never come close to…

Justin pounded his fist into the wall, ignoring the shooting pain.

Physical pain didn’t matter at this point. It was completely irrelevant. Inconsequential.

Pain was all around him. He always ached.

Always.

Damn her. Damn her. DAMN HER.

God, he was so lonely.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“I wrote this song… Because sometimes you just don’t realize what you have until it’s gone…”

The crowd screamed its approval as the now twenty-two-year-old Justin close his eyes slowly and launched into one of his most personal songs.

“You were my sun… You were my earth…”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Justin sat at his shiny new piano, just playing whatever came to mind. It was comforting for him to move his fingers across the smooth keys; to hear the resulting sounds.

Music always made him feel better. It was like a temporary relief for his constant heartache.

It was nice to be home. The UK Justified Tour had just ended, and the US one would soon be starting. In the time that he had in between, before he had to start rehearsing again, he just wanted to be alone. He wanted to do nothing; to merely exist; to just be.

Playing a few chords of “Never Again,” Justin’s heart wrenched and he immediately stopped, sighing sadly into the silence of his empty house.

After months of crying himself to sleep; of constant sadness and despair, he had discovered that it was easier to just shut his emotions off. That way, he didn’t have to deal with all the pain.

Justin had always hated the old saying “ignorance is bliss,” deeming it to be ignorant, as well as pathetic. But now he found himself living by it.

He’d just shut his mind off; ignoring all things unpleasant.

Life was easier that way.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Lying on his back in the backyard of his home in Millington, Justin felt at ease. He squinted as the sun’s golden rays washed over him, temporarily making him blind.

Stretching out his long limbs, he couldn’t help but smile as he remembered lying in that same spot as a young child so many years ago. Back when he was innocent; back when he was carefree. Back when he was happy.

“What’s happened to me?” Justin asked aloud to no one in particular.

God, back when he was a kid, he couldn’t wait to get older. Now, as a grown man, he wanted nothing more then to be absolutely naive again, wondering about such things as why the grass is green and why the sky is blue. Oh, how he longed to truly believe that his mother knew everything there ever was to know about every single aspect of life.

“Damnit Justin, you’re twenty-three years old. You’re supposed to have your life together by now.” He muttered quietly to himself, rubbing his temples in frustration.

Why did he feel so confused? So lonely? So… Incomplete?

Justin sighed, plucking absentmindedly at a nearby blade of grass.

Funny how things change.