A mall, streaming with lights and colors representing Christmas. Lines of lights are strung from the second level railing to the giant, fake, tree that sits in the middle of the mall. The tree is decorated with ornaments, each with a name on it. They are names of people that have donated money, through the mall, to needey families in the area. On the top of the tree is an angel, ironically, holding the mall logo, in it's hands.

Below this huge tree is a snowy landscape. A fabricated landscape made of cotton, chemical snow, plastic and tissue paper. A house sits a top a, small, snowy mound. The red, plywood, house gives off a very Christmas look. It's windows are sprayed with sno-in-a-can, and fiberglass icicles hang from the roof. A sign sits a few feet away from the house. The words "Santa's Workshop" are elegantly scripted across it. The house and landscape are fenced off from the public.

An, oversized, candycane throne sits across from the front area of the house, outside the fence. A red, waterproof, carpet covers the floor beneath the throne. Standing arounds the candycane seat are several midgets dressed in green elf costumes. They are there to keep the kids corraled in a line infront of the chair. On the throne sits.....who else? Santa, decked in his usual.

A line of children and prents extends out from Santa's seat. Each of the children is dressed in their little snow suits and hats. As always there is the one, obviously Canadian, child who is wearing a blue and orange Edmonton Oilers touqe with the matching pompom on top.

The children take their turns climbing up on Santa's lap and telling him their want list.

Santa: Alright who's next? Ah it's little Andrew

The boy climbs up on Santa's knee.

Santa: Now Andrew, what would you like for Christmas?

Andrew: I want a new bike, a slingshot, a pair of nike shoes, a Tonka dump truck, a Batman Beyond toy, a....

Santa: Have you been a good boy?

Andrew shakes his head yes. Santa signals one of the elves to take a picture. A split-second later the boy is ushered off to his mother and a new kid is sent up.

Santa: Hello Diane. Have you been good this year?

Diane: Uh huh. For Christmas I would like a make-me-pretty Barbie, an EasyBake oven and a pony.

Santa: A pony. That's an awful big thing to get into my sack. I'll see what I can do though.

Click. The girl hops down and runs off to her parents. Next a mother comes up and hands the Santa her young child.

Santa: Oh it's little....

Mother: Oh he doesn't have a name yet.

Santa: Really. How old is he? If you don't mind me asking.

Mother: A year and a half.

Santa: Oh...alright.

The elves quickly take a picture and Santa hands the baby back to it's mother.

Santa: Who are you? Don't you think you're a little big to be sitting on my knee?

"Natural Wonder" Shane Jackson walks up to Santa. He's got on a pair of dock's and baggy, blue, cargo cords. He's wearing black T-shirt with his own Christmas story on the back:

"T'was the night before Christmas and all through the ring, not an opponent was stirring not even the king. With Mike in his mask and Joe in his cap, they had just settled down for my 3 count at last. When out in the crowd there rose such a clatter, they finally got up to see what was the matter. Jackson had done it, Jackson had won, he took the gold belt and is a champ-e-un."

Shane: Don't get too excited there Jolly, I'm not going to help you get off by sitting on your knee, so just keep it in you pants.

Santa: What the hell are you talking about? Get out of here, I got kids to see.

Shane: How they payin' you? By the brat or by the hour.

Santa: That's none of your buisness. Now please leave.

Shane: You're probably getting a quarter a kid, right?

Santa: NO!, Now Leave!

Shane: Ooh....I'm not leavin' yet. I haven't even done anything.

Santa: Well I guess it looks like Santa's going to have to break out his red bag o' whoop ass and make you leave.

Santa gets off his throne and starts moving toward Jackson. Shane starts backing up, toward the fenced landscape. As Santa waddles toward Jackson you can see his face getting redder and redder under the beard and cap. Jackson backs to the fence as Santa continues to advance. With little hesitation Shane steps, backward, over the knee high fence and into the snowy landscape. Santa gets right up to the fence, but doesn't step over.

Santa: C'mere ya wuss. What, you afraid a' me?

Santa pulls off his hat, the hair attached to it comes off with it, revealing horseshoe pattern balding brown hair. The beard is yanked off to showcase a thick goatee. Immediately all the children in line gasp in amazement. Their icon was a fraud. Many of the kids begin crying. The parents quickly respond with the rehearsed "That's one of Santa's helpers. He's very busy this time of year" line.

The man's breathing is becoming heavier and heavier. His face continues to turn crimson. Shane stands in the winter wonderland looking back at him. Searching for a quick solution Shane grabs an oversized ornamental candycane that's sticking out of the ground.

Santa: The hell you think your going to do with tha......

Shane pops the man over the top of the head with the cane. The guy hits the ground like someone who's had a few too many spiced nog's. Shane steps back over the fence and drops the cane next to the balding Claus. He heads over to the throne and sits down.

Shane: I figure it's about time the little ones meet a guy who's real, and represents everything the Holiday's should be about. ME.

The elves look around at each other, unsure about what to do.

Shane: Hurry up and get some kid up here.

One is quickly shuffled up.

Shane: What's that hanging out of his nose? Snot? I don't want him. Find another.

The child is moved out of the way and another is sent in.

Child: For Christmas I want a....

Shane: Whoa, I'm not bringin' you crap. That's your parents job. I'm just here so you can have your picture taken with a person that's truly magical. So just smile.

The picture is snapped, Shane pushes the kid away as the elves search for another.

Shane: Since it looks like I've got a few minutes. Hey Joe, how the holiday's treatin' ya? Hope you've polished that belt up nice for me 'cause when I plant, either, you or Mike for the 3, I want it to sparkle for the fans when I raise it over my head. That's not too much to ask for this time of year, is it Joe? A bit of windex and a pair of your mothers underwear might do it, that is if you're willing to give her the dollar she charges to take 'em off.

One of the elves heads toward Shane. He's dragging a small girl behind him. Shane glances at the girl, notices the pink, frilly, dress and immediately gives a "thumb's down". The elf pushes the girl aside and heads back to the line to find another one.

Shane: I think that, on Tuesday, I'm going to strap that belt around my waist and go to Christmas dinner, just because I can.

Another elf walks toward Shane with a small baby in it's arms.

Shane: Nuh, uh. Don't even bother. I'm done. One was more than enough.

Shane hops out of the chair, walks out of the Santa area and heads off through the mall. The children stand in line confused. The mothers stand next to them looking stressed. The elves just stand, staring after Jackson. Over near the Winter Wonderland Santa begins to stirr.