JOKES!!!!

HeReS soMe JoKeS ThAt i reALLy spermie!! The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor: As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, "I'm a Sperm." She will answer, "I'm the Egg." From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?" The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, "Then, good luck!" Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm. He is able to swim at a slower pace and eventually approaches the red, sticky ball. When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm." The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a tonsil."........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... LiTtLe rEd sOx!!(the best joke ever!) Little Red Riding Hood was about to go out for a walk in the forest. But Grandma saw her as she was leaving and said, "Don't go, Little Red Riding Hood! For the big bad wolf is on the prowl tonight and you know what he will do to you if he catches you! He will pull up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off!" But Little Red Riding Hood just smiled and said, "Don't worry Grandma, I have my big shotgun with me!" and she left, with her big shotgun. While walking in the forest, Little Red Riding Hood met the three little pigs who said, "Go home, Little Red Riding Hood! For the big bad wolf is on the prowl tonight and you know what he will do if he catches you! He will pull up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off!" But Little Red Riding Hood just smiled and said, "Don't worry 3 little pigs, I have my big shotgun with me!" And she went on her way, smiling. Then sure enough, she met the big bad wolf! He stepped into the middle of her path and said, "Now I have you, Little Red Riding Hood! And you know what I am going to do with you! I will pull up your little red skirt, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off!" But Little Red Riding Hood just smiled. She pulled up her little red skirt, pulled down her little red panties, and lay down with her feet in her little red socks on the ground, quite apart. Then she pointed her big shotgun at the big bad wolf and said "No ... you are going to eat me, like the book says!"............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. HERES SUM MISALANIOUS JOKES!!! What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? Well hung................................................................ What does a blonde do if she's not in bed by 10:00 pm? She goes home. A man goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of Pepsi, a bag of tortilla chips, and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says, "Single, huh?" Sarcastically the guy sneers, "How'd you guess?" She replies, "Because you're fucking ugly." .......................................................................................................................................................................................... Why does a man's penis have a hole in it? So he can get oxygen to his brain................................................................................................. If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister? There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!" Ted and Julie go to bed with one another for the first time. Julie: I think I should warn you Ted, I've got acute angina Ted: You're breasts aren't bad either......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as: WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear." WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy........................................................................................................................................................................................ Q: What is the mating call of a blonde? A: "I'm drunk.".............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................A guy's tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asks him a question, and as he turns to answer, the peanut falls into his ear. He tries to dig it out, but that only pushes it in deeper, so he and his wife decide to go to the hospital. As they're about to go out the door, their daughter comes in with her date. They explain, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out." He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard. The father blows and the peanut flies out of his ear. The mother and daughter are all excited, but the daughter's date says, "Ah, it was nothing." After her daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be." The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law." What's the difference between a blonde's vagina and a cave? A couple of inches. ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... T&A ON!! THE KEYBOARD!!!!!(NOT LITTERALY DUMBAZZES!!!) (_!_) normal ass (__!__) fat ass (!) tight ass (_._) virgin ass (_*_) wiped ass {_!_} wrinkled ass (_o_) long mileage ass; bazooka bore ass (_O_) real long mileage ass; gunboat bore ass (_x_) frowning ass (_X_) condemned ass (_$_) valuable ass [_T_] square ass (_:_) mondo weird ass (_@_) cyberass (_?_) mystery ass (_#_) hurt ass (__) closed ass (_%_) pimply ass CYBERTITS: (o)(o) perfect tits ( + )( + ) fake silicone tits (*)(*) perky nippled tits (@)(@) big nippled tits (oYo) push-up tits (^)(^) cold tits (o)(O) uneven tits (Q)(Q) droopy tits (p)(q) tits'n'streamers (:o)(o) tits bitten by a vampire \o/\o/ grannie's tits ( - )( - ) tits slammed against the shower door |oo| borg tits ()() Elle McPherson tits ( o Y o ) Playmate tits (.)(.)(.) Full Challenge tits (=)(=) encrypted tits................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. Confucius Say... 1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly. ........................... 2: Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone............... 3: Man who run in front of car get tired...................... 4: Man who run behind car get exhausted. ................... 5: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. ................ 6: Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ. ........................ 7: Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. ............................... 8: Man with one chop stick go hungry.................... 9: Man who scratches butt should not bite finger nails. .................................. 10: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money............................. 11: Baseball is wrong... man with four balls cannot walk. ..................................................... 12: Panties not best thing on earth... but next to it............................................................................. 13: War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left..................................................................................................... 14: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. ............................................................................................................ 15: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. ........................................................................................................... 16: It take many nails to build crib... but one screw to fill it. ................................................................................ 17: Man who drive like hell bound to get there...................................................................................................... 18: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.............................................................................................................................. 19: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. ............................................................................................................... 20: Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs. ............................................................................................................................................ 21: Man who farts in church sits in own pew.................................................................................. 22: Crowded elevator smells different to midget................................................................................ 23: Difference between pick pocket and peeping tom is the pick pocket snatches watches. ................................................................................................................................................................. 24: Gay Indian is also a brave sucker. ....................................................................................................... 25: Man and mouse are the same... both end up in pussy. ................................................................................................................................ 26: Sex is like bridge game... don't need a partner if you have good hand. ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom. "What's a bitch and a pussy?" "Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat." The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad. "What's a bitch and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy. "Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bitch!"