What are some characteristics you consider to be typically female?
Alex: Breasts [All laugh.]
Darren: Seriously? We probably gossip more than girls do.
Sam: Yeah, we're terrible about it.
Alex: I was going to say that girls spend more time getting ready, but that doesn't apply to us. We take forever.
Sam: As performers, we always try to look our best.
Imagine, for a minute, that you're a girl. How do you think your life would be different?
Jason: Biologically, it's a whole different thing.
Jacques: And socially, we're brought up to have different roles.
Jason: I don't think it's for us guys to say that girls feel different from guys. However, they do have a bunch of hormones and chemicals that we don't have.
Darren: We'd probably be discriminated against more.
Sam: Parental issues are a good one: girls vs. boys. For instance, if my curfew were midnight, I'd probably have to get my girlfriend home by 10 p.m.. The father of a daughter is ...
Alex: ... much more protective of her.
Jason: I think dads want their sons to lose their virginity but want their daughters to keep theirs.
Alex: Do girls' haircuts still cost more than guys'?
Darren: I have one ... if a guy hooks up with a lot of girls, he's considered a stud. If a girl does it, she's considered a slut.
Sam: Do girls look at guys as being sluts if they do that?
Jason: They're both losers.
Alex: Walking the streets at night would be pretty scary because girls are much more vulnerable to violent attacks and stuff.
Darren: That's a good point. I feel uncomfortable walking alone at night now.
Jason: Imagine how much weirder you'd feel if you were a girl.
Darren: If a guy is sexually harassed by a girl, I don't think he cares much.
Alex: I don't agree.
Darren: Let's put it this way: If a girl whistled at me or made comments, I wouldn't take offense. I'd probably take it as a compliment more than anything.
Jason: I'd go talk to her. I'd be like, "What was that tune you were whistling?" [All laugh.]
Do you think your brain would function in the same way if you were a girl?
Alex: I think girls are more logical than guys. Compared with me, they seem to have their stuff together more, in terms of school and studying. They seem more focused.
Jason: It's the age-old question of nature vs. nurture. You know, is it how you're raised, or is it in your genes?
Jacques: It's a little bit of both.
Darren: I think it's the way you're raised and how society influences you. Guys are more visual than girls. We put more emphasis on physical attraction. But I think there's a reason for that -- girls have more curves and stuff.
Okay, be honest now. What do you talk about with guys that you wouldn't with girls?
Jacques: I wouldn't talk to a girl about getting my nuts squashed.
Sam: Or bathroom behavior. It's strange to think about girls doing it, because we don't sit down when we go. [All laugh.]
Darren: Penises.
Sam: Just male body issues in general.
Alex: That and things like, where should I take her on a first date or where is the best place to buy flowers?
Jason: I ask girls for advice like that.
Sam: I think your guy friends will just try to comfort you and your girl friends will try to fix it or try to help you with it.
Jacques: I don't necessarily agree with that.
Sam: Let me rephrase this: I go to my guy friends when I need support, comfort or a pat on the back. I go to my girl friends when I want to know the truth.
What about style and clothes? Is there something you would wear if you were a girl that you won't now?
Alex: There's this Diesel dress I've had my eye on. [Laughter.] it's leather and really short with a postmodern design on it. But I wouldn't wear it. It would be too small on me. If it were a shirt, I'd wear it. I don't think dresses are my style.
Sam: I think dresses look very comfortable. They look free and easy. But speaking as a guy and having certain issues ...
Jason: You need support, and dresses just don't cut it for guys.
Do you think you would let yourself cry more if you were a girl?
Sam: I think I cry plenty. I don't have a problem with it.
Jacques: Me too.
Jason: Yeah.
Darren: I'm pretty good at controlling it. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm a guy. I've never given it much thought.
Alex: I've been doing plenty of crying lately. I don't have a problem with it either. I've been crying in public since I was a baby.
What makes you cry?
Jason: Girls.
Jacques: Pain ... sad things.
Sam: When you can't talk about it and you kinda lose it.
Alex: I've got so much stuff inside, I cry for no reason sometimes.
Darren: I cry when I'm genuinely happy. I can't remember when I last did, though. It was a long time ago.
Jason: Beautiful things make me cry, like a wonderful piece of classical music.
If you were a girl in search of a relationship, what qualities would you look for in a guy?
Alex: I'd look for wealth, because I'm really into spending money.
Darren: Trust.
Jacques: Personality, good looks.
Jason: A guy who knows the world, is bilingual, strong and a musician. [Pause.] I can't answer this. My mom [actress Talia Shire, who played Sylvester Stallone's wife in Rocky,] is going to kill me. Sam, what would you look for?
Sam: Good looks and a good personality.
Alex: A nice car.
Sam: Perhaps someone who is in a band -- and well endowed. [Laughs.]
Jason: Ah, man. There you go again. Jacques?
Jacques: I'd look for someone like me but not as messed up. A little more sane and stable.
Alex: Seriously, I would look for someone with all our answers put together.
Okay, the last question: If you could be a woman for one day, who would it be?
Jacques: The president and CEO of Mattel, because she has a great family and she's really powerful.
Alex: Martha Stewart, because she knows how to cook and I love to eat.
Jason: Sophia Loren or Brigitte Bardot. I wonder what it was like to be a beautiful bombshell back then.
Alex: Oh, we have the ability to time-travel now? Okay, then I'll be Cleopatra , because she was so strong. She had Marc Antony under her love spell. I wanna know what it's like to have a guy inder my spell.
Jason: Wouldn't anyone want to be Hillary Clinton to get inside the mind of the most famous man in America?
Darren: This is kind of dumb, but I wouldn't want to deal with any of the issues that come with being famous. I would want to be a regular working-class woman just to see what it was like. It seems to me that this would be a true evaluation of what it's like to be female.
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