Meltdown Of The P.A.T.s
by Nolan Logger
as published in Rolling Stone
Nolan Logger last interviewed the P.A.T.s in Rolling Stone #8028.
The P.A.T.s have existed as a band for three and half years to this day. Not once, has anything gone wrong. When I last spoke to them, they were fresh-faced and eager to jump-start their careers in the music industry. Now, a major scratch has appeared on the painted surface of the life of The P.A.T.s.
On Saturday, March 11th of this year, bass player Hank Benesh overdosed on Coke. Coca-Cola, to be technical. The rest of the band found him the next morning, unconscious, lying in a pool of his own sweat and saliva. He was rushed to the hospital immediately. The rest of the band appeared astounded. Hank would have too, if he was still breathing on his own.
The P.A.T.s were at work on their third studio album, “Long Day On The 18th Bus,” an album that lead singer Dave Goldman described as, “evolutionary for this band.” The album would have supposedly gone the next step that “Chicken Raw” only hinted at. Unfortunately, around the first few weeks, work on the album was putting unneeded strain on the P.A.T.s’ shoulders. The band felt that the song-writing was taking its toll on Dave.
“It was just, I don’t know, it was becoming a real pain in the ass,” says Dave. “It was not achla.” As I sit down in Village Roast Beef with the three P.A.T.s, they appear solemn, but hardened by this experience. Sam Danesh, constant drummer for the band, backs Dave up. “Dave was coming into the studio everyday with just this weird shit written on napkins. This stuff that he wrote the night before. Some of the songs were like, ‘No matzoh and no mezzuzah make David go crazy.’ I figured I could lighten things up, and I said to Dave we could call the song ‘Jewish Rock.’ Dave went fucking nuts, and starting accusing me of being a Jew-hater.” “I was so fucking tired that day, man,” Dave replies. By this point, Dave was taking acting roles, and the endless practice and sleepless nights took their toll. “It sucked,” Dave informs. Guitarist of the band, Yuri Mednikov explains what happened with Hank. “Hank was drinking up to five Cokes a day. We always knew Hank was a caffeine freak, but this was just going over the fucking line. We figured it was his way of dealing with the strain on the band, but we never said anything to him. I highly regret that now.”
At press time, Hank is reportedly in stable condition at the moment. He is still in the hospital, drinking plenty of non-carbonated, non-caffeinated fluids. “We visited him the other day,” Sam says. “I brought some seltzer water, just as a joke, y’know? No one found it very funny.”
Just a week before Hank’s overdose, Yuri was becoming obsessed with prostitutes. “Hey, that’s not the strange thing,” Sam tells me. “The strange thing is that he didn’t fuck ANY of them!” I ask Yuri for further information on the subject. “I don’t really want to delve into it....want some of my veal sub?” Sure, I say. He rips me off a good portion of his veal sub. It is very good, but I’m here as a journalist and not as a food critic. Well, actually, I’m here as both, but while enjoying my food, the least I could do for you Rolling Stone readers is to get to the bottom of this obsession with prostitutes. “Yuri, I’ll buy you dinner if you tell me about this,” I bribe. “No,” he says. “I’ll give you all the money that’s in my pocket right now.” “No, thanks.” “See that BMW outside?” “Yeah?” “It’s yours, if you talk.” “Once again, no.” “I’ll suck your dick.” “No.” “I’ll set you up on a meeting with Andrei Konchalovsky.” “What do you want to know?”
Yuri tells me that around the time of Dave’s work-aholicism, he himself was beginning to slide down the spiral. Yuri was seeing any prostitute that resembled Sarah Michelle Gellar, star of TV’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer. We all knew Yuri had a thing for Gellar, judging from the track on “Chicken Raw,” called “C’mon Buffy,” and the hidden track on The P.A.T.s debut album, “Album,” called “Staking Buffy Up The Ass.” “Sure it was a crush,” Yuri explains, “but it never went beyond the point of obsession.” Yuri tracked down prostitutes and spent his time simply talking with them, something he wasn’t doing nearly as much with his band.
Sam’s problems didn’t scratch the surface of psychological dysfunction, but then again, it might have. Sam went bankrupt last month, which surprised everyone, including The P.A.T.s. “We said to Sam that he could live off our money for awhile until he got back on his feet again,” Dave assures me, “but he was being a fucking ass about it.” Sam retaliates, “I just don’t feel comfortable taking other people’s money.” Yes, Sam was being an ass, but I won’t get into it here.
The P.A.T.s are becoming one with each other again. They are taking band counseling, and postponing work on their latest album for a later date. “We are trying to eliminate our problems,” Yuri tells me. “Basically, it all stemmed from an overload of work, and I think we’re just going to take it easy for awhile, and, you know, hopefully regain our roots.” “We’ll watch some bad movies again,” Sam says, “for inspiration, and shit.” “I’m going to stop fucking acting,” Dave says. “Okay, maybe not stop, but I want to get some sleep every now and then, so, you know.” Hank couldn’t speak his mind clearly from all the hospital drugging he’s endured, but I’ll put some words in his mouth and say that he wants keep at his work, and maybe take up Fresh Samantha Smoothies as his beverage-of-choice.
The P.A.T.s are one of those bands that you would never believe could break up. Sure, they have already run into some problems in their career, but until one of them dies in a gruesome and horrible car accident, we probably won’t be seeing their story on Behind The Music anytime soon. We’ll always count on The P.A.T.s to accentuate the positive in life, and because of that, it’s all good.
