They're positive...they're acting......they're TEENS!

Hank           Sam           Dave           Yuri

Welcome to the site that leaves the toilet seat up.

What the shit are the P.A.T.s?

So what the shit are the P.A.T.s! you ask? Perhaps your question should be "Who the shit are the P.A.T.s.?"

The P.A.T.s are a collective of four teens -- Hank, Sam, Dave, and Yuri -- who have devoted their lives to acting in a positive manner. They have discovered that acting in this manner will only improve their lives, and the lives of those whom they affect.

This web site serves as a manner in which the P.A.T.s can get their message across to everyone they can. In it, you can meet the four members of the group, and find information about the group as a whole. Enjoy, and remember: ACT POSITIVELY!



Alright, I'll stop bitching about this fucking stupid amateurish page for a second to say that there is a NEW section, and it's quite big already. Not "Mr. Big" big, but you get the idea. The P.A.T.s and their friends have recently delved into the area of music, and, true to their delusions, are willing to milk it for all it's worth. So scroll down and find our MUSIC section. Thanks. See Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back if you haven't already.


This page sucks, and I really don't know why I'm doing this, but Ellen (i.e. Dave's girlfriend, i.e. flute player at band camp) seems to want an update, so what the hell. Part of the reason the P.A.T.s! stopped giving two shits and a duck fart about this page was that our guestbook was dumped, and it really sucked cause dammit, we liked that guestbook! So anyway, I'm setting up a new one. In the lives of the P.A.T.s! Yuri is still doing his Contours Coffeehouse shit, Sam is doing his screenplay and Photographics shit, Hank is doing his own website shit, and Dave is still doing his dramatic shit. So, see ya soon.


Wow. Dave kinda forgot that this page even existed ever since he was away being Jewish and all... Not much is new with the P.A.T.s!, but then again, is there ever anything new with them? Wow! Two people signed our guestbook (including Ellen, who doesn't count, 'cause she wrote her name as "Dave's Bitch" (which she kinda is, but... teehee... just kidding. ...or AM I? .... yes.)) Well, Sam's brother was just Bar Mitzvah-ed, so if you see him on the streets yell out a big "mazel tov!" Oh, yeah, by the way, Jonny K is old, dirty, and he sucks as a D.J. But the P.A.T.s! liked the breasts (not to be confused with "Sexual Breast," now!...) Hmmm... what else? Yuri quit Photo-ma-graphics after working there for a month. Oh, well. He has the 1350 on his S.A.T.s, and the rest of the P.A.T.s! don't, so... And Hank? Well, he's Hank. Any more questions? Good, 'cause Dave's got a physics test tomorrow and he doesn't feel like writing any more for a website which he only goes to when Sam tells him to, anyway, so... YEAH! Oh, yeah, I almost forgot: if anyone has any complaints about our page, we've set up a hotline that goes directly to Yuri's bedroom: (800) RUS-SIAN. ...no we didn't. But it sounds funny!

Meet the P.A.T.s!

The Movie Section

Movies are as much a part of the lives of the P.A.T.s! as is Salsa Con Queso and bad humor. That said, we'd like to share with you some of our own movies. For those of you who don't care about us, we've thrown in some great movie-marathon ideas. Even our own mascot IBG has thrown in his 2 cents on what you should and shouldn't see from or on the big screen.

P.A.T.s! Originals:

Our first film...


Interested in having a movie marathon with your friends, but you don't have any good ideas? Take a look at The P.A.T.s! Movie Marathon Ideas.

More specifically, check out The P.A.T.s' Spooky-Ass Halloween Marathon!

And click here for reviews by the oh-so intelligent, IBG!

Chanukkah's over, but for a holiday laugh, click the menorah.

is now a reality. Click here, ass.

The "long-awaited" section is here!!! And stuff...

Also, it should be known that the P.A.T.s were featured in a recent edition of Rolling Stone Magazine™!
The P.A.T.s have made it possible for you to read this

The P.A.T.s are now in ANOTHER Rolling Stone article! Click below to access this

The P.A.T.s! Proudly Present The Sexual Breast Experience!

PLUS, the P.A.T.s now have their own Drinking Game!

Here's something else...The P.A.T.s! Rejected Page Ideas

And now....please join us for a P.A.T.s Moment of Silence

Hey, read all about it! It's The End-All Of Italian Tyranny!

Wanna learn Ebonix? It's Dan and Dave's Ebonix Whata?

And why don't you get your ass over to our  section!

As a group, we'd just like to say that Microsoft Hotmail is a BITCH!

That said, we'd like you to feel free to e-mail us at thepatsrule@hotmail.com . You can also click the link below to get your own free e-mail address at www.hotmail.com! Thanks.

Read the P.A.T.s!book
Sign the P.A.T.s!book

Escati Free Counter
You, yes you, are visitor number:

View Counter Stats

By the way, most of the humor on this page was created years ago, from about freshman year to late junior year. After that, we stopped giving a shit. The humor is reflective of adult-hood changes such as puberty and excessive masturbation. I'd say you have been warned, but this is displayed at the bottom, so your eyes must have seen a lot of the content already, motherfucker.

Believe It Or Not...